Disclosing and lack of trust

I found out I had Herpes from my past relationship and have been living with Herpes only for about 5 months. That relationship ended and have now begun a new one. We met as friends originally and have been seeing each other for the past couple months. I had never had to disclose to someone besides the guy I got it from. The new relationship we ended up having oral sex and I did not disclose (I was going to if we had sex, but now understand and feel awful that I didn't disclose before doing ANYTHING. I did disclose and now the issue is a lack of trust, not the Herpes. This is something I feel shameful about and guilty for not sharing, it is so new to me. I turn 30 next month and have never had to deal with this. He said he needed some time to process, which I honor.

I cannot be the only one who has had trouble deciding when to disclose, which I see all over this site and am truly grateful to not feel alone. However I am upset at myself for not owning and disclosing earlier and am looking for support and guidance.

I've seen Terri Warren (a clinician who specializes in herpes) address a similar situation in her Q&A forum. A woman with HSV2 disclosed after already engaging in oral sex, including receiving oral sex. The woman disclosed prior to intercourse and her partner reacted very strongly and negatively. Terri's opinion was that transmission was theoretically possible in that way, though she had never encountered it in her practice over the course of 33 years. She advised that disclosure prior to oral sex should not really be necessary from a risk perspective but that disclosing prior to oral sex can be beneficial in helping avoid these emotionally charged situations later. She also advised not partnering with people who react in this very strong and negative way.

Update: We just had a discussion. He went and got tested and came back today saying that he just can't move forward with me in a romantic way and he can't get passed it (not Herpes, but me not sharing sooner with him) And to be honest I don't blame him. This is so new for me and is a PAINFUL learning experience. He forgave me whole-heartedly and wants to continue as friends (we're in a church group together). I am trying to see the silver lining and forgive myself, but this has been a really tough one.