Hello-I am new to this site but not new to H, I've had H for years with rare outbreaks. I've been deathly ashamed of this, and experienced both rejection and acceptance in the past when disclosing. To this day none of my previous partners claimed to have gotten H from me.
I met a man 10 months ago and the relationship that started out as friends quickly grew to a very strong, honest loving caring romantic one. He was quick to want sex without a condom-never raised the STD questions and I, out of shame and fear this time did not disclose my condition when I should have. I wanted him to know me without the horrible stigma of H and without passing judgment. Our relationship grew, we fell in love, I shared every personal detail of my life except the big H-still out of incredible shame. I harbored this enormous monster knowing I had to tell him sooner or later, but the time just went by.
He found the medicine bottle 3 days ago and googled what it was for before asking me, I came clean and told him. Needless to say he was extremely upset, said I was selfish and unethical and this was the relationship deal breaker. I explained the disease to him and the motives for my lack of disclosing it earlier. He packed his things and walked out of my life. I am devastated!!!
I feel incredibly disgusted with my self-guilty, ashamed and remorseful for not disclosing it earlier, for the fear he may have contracted it from me, and for loosing what I believe was the love of my life, someone who I could build a lasting future with. I am heartbroken beating myself up, and just want to crawl in a cave and die. All the fears of rejection that kept me from disclosing it earlier came true.
I am in so much emotional pain over this, I am paralyzed and don't know how can I move forward. I thought about emailing him acknowledging his anger and pain, sharing information but I know it's best not to as he needs space to digest the blow I just gave him. I fear I will run into him at the gym or the grocery store. I don't know what to do.
Any comments would help. Thank you!