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It Only Gets Better

After a long week of parading family around for a much needed but exhaustingly annoying visit. I was completely stressed and above all... HORNY! The breakup with my ex had ended abruptly at the beginning of the year after 3 years, so the year had been nothing but trying, as I tried to find old "friends with benefits" type situations. Could I at least be awarded the one natural god given pleasure that I so desperately needed in this time of stress.
Shit gets real when you get desperate. lol
Moving on, I dropped my family off at the airport and bolted home to get ready. I needed a night on the town, just being a hotmess! While out, I had awesome shooters and played all my favorite songs on the jukebox. The week was starting to look up and I could feel all my stress melting off my shoulders.

I finally sit down after dancing and playing pool and over my shoulder sat a cute, (a little skinny for my type but cute) guy. When we started talking I was instantly engulfed in his southern accent and laid back persona.
It's crazy because as women, we know when a man is more than average. (Ladies you know what I mean, you can look at a guy and tell if he's hubby or not!) I really was digging him and I could see he was feeling me too. He was a gentleman and really impressed me, even in the small local bar we vacated.
God he had become irresistibly hot, just dying for my undivided attention. As we clinked our coronas, the pit of my stomach was tingling. I ignored it, passing it off as butterflies, and proceeded with what I thought would be a joyous ride.

Oh it was a ride alright!

Flash forward, to 3 days later when I start to feel ichy down there. Really, REALLY, ichy!
There was a small bump around the opening of my vagina a day later. I freaked! Realizing the error of my ways, the low down dirty dog gave me herpes! I just knew it in the pit of my stomach. Goddammit why didn't I listen, my innate voice was trying to tell me that night. My dumbass got so caught up in his eyes and his accent. What in the actual fuck was wrong with me!

That day at the doctors office I sat there trying to decipher what was going on. Herpes? God, it really can't be herpes can it? I so knew better! How can a woman as careful as I am get herpes. I started to rummage my brain.
The doctor flew in. "Okay miss, You have genital herpes." My mouth dropped. "Now, this is something that you will have your entire life and it will not go away, do you understand?" I shook my head about to bust into tears. "The good thing is, this is a treatable condition and it is not life threatening." What kind of life can you have with herpes, I thought. "We're going to start you on a gram of Valtrex twice a day." she continued, "You can let the front desk know what pharmacy you would prefer for the e-script." She walked out of the room and shut the door behind her. I just balled out in tears, my palms got really sweaty and for the first time in my life, I felt completely dirty from the inside out.

When I arrived home I started operation herpes research. For days I read forums and heath sites, web md, I mean you name it! I was now an expert when it came to herpes. Shit, I even learned things about HIV that I didn't know. All of a sudden the sadness disappeared (along with my sores lol) and I realized this wasn't going to be the end of my story, maybe a good climax, but never the end! (lol) I'd been lucky to ONLY have contracted herpes and for a second I started thanking my lucky stars I wasn't just diagnosed with HIV. Sure, the sores hurt like a hell and I honestly would never wish them on my worst enemy! However, I started to realize that not only could it be worse but, it could be REAL bad. In my head I made of list of the shit that would be a far more worse to experience than herpes. The list went on and for the first time ever I was GRATEFUL I had herpes.

My first outbreak was a bitch! It lasted no joke, 12 days. 5 days of excrusating pain with swelling and ichiness followed by, 7 days of healing. Tea tree oil has become my bestfriend and medication. Now pretty much every tingle, ich, slight pain, or discomfort down there, I'm like in between my legs with a mirror trying to see if there's any funk on my bunk! (lol) Some days were better than others but now I'm completely on a path to healing. I take lysine tablets everyday and do everything I can to "keep my immune system up." When I do have an episode now its nothing near as extreme as the first one. I mean nothing! Its a bit uncomfortable and of course as a woman your always going to feel some type of discomfort with it, however, my second outbreak was almost barely noticeable. If it wasn't for all the research I did about prodomes and the symptoms before an outbreak, I would've just thought I cut myself shaving or was getting a yeast infection.

Eventually, my digging around reading and asking questions lead me to want to open up to my mom about it. As crazy as it sounds my mom didn't even flinch. She did her research and talked to some friends of hers (In which, made her closer to her friend because her friend disclosed and she didn't know!) and found out that it's not a big deal. Actually her friend that's a gyne said that herpes will lesson and go away over time. She explained to me that because the test doesn't test for herpes itself, (it only tests for antibodies) that yes I will "Always have the virus" or at least always test positive for it. That being said, the virus may never show symptoms even though I test positive. I took that as problem solved! All I have to do is breeze by these next couple outbreaks and before I know it, it'll be a distant memory. (a hilarious one at that) Now I am not a doctor and none of this has been proven. What I'm implying is that a healthy lifestyle and good immune health can help stop the attacks the virus has on your body.

Hearing this news from the doctor definitely changed my mental state on being diagnosed with herpes. I never really found myself to be mad a the guy who gave it to me. I know , I know, I'm a crazy bitch and this is something I should fight over .... right? Wrong! I'm not mad at him because sex is a risk. Whether that risk be pregnancy, an STD, falling in love, getting caught up. Whatever the case may be, we all take that risk knowingly. We all had sexual education classes and we all were taught how to protect ourselves. (At least I know I was) That's why I was more disappointed in myself. I knew how to protect myself and I chose not too. I chose to trust someone I thought would be honest. In hindsight, you laugh at yourself because the thought of a man being honest when the kitty is purring right before their eyes is hilarious. Now is the time to be completely honest with yourself. (lol) In a perfect world, oh yes, he would've told you. In this world, HELL NO!

However, its such a huge learning lesson.
Love yourself and do whatever it takes to protect you! If he isn't for it, then he can kick rocks!
We can't change the past but we can take proper steps to change our future outcome. So RELAX! It isn't so bad and even when it is, it's manageable. Your life does go back to normal and you WILL lead a normal life (whatever "normal" is) just as before. Take a deep breath and pamper yourself! This too shall pass!
Love,
Beautyintheugly22



Comments

  • yes i guess you get back to normal but how do you deal with the fact that everytime you start a relationship , The guy/girl can run away and break your heart. because most of the people (including me) would hear that the girl/guy has herpes would run away.This scares and depresses me.
  • It's easy to say, "Well they're just uneducated and immature!" In reality though ,it is something that I myself (If I had been given the choice) would have walked away from as well. The truth is, there's only a 4% chance of spreading the virus with unprotected sex when there are no symptoms. Condoms break that in half to 2% obviously. Now that isn't to be confused with ONLY sores. All the prodrome symptoms count as an outbreak as well. So that's where it gets a little messy. You can have prodromes with no actual outbreak. Which would definitely still spread the virus.
    For me personally, everything is extra wrapped and sealed tightly in all my sexual encounters now so, I don't see the logic in disclosing for a 2% chance.
    Now, that being said, when things do get to that point or I find myself wanting to start a relationship I absolutely disclose and fast.
    It's not really something I just throw out there unless there's unprotected sex involved. (Which has been none) & If I have a tiny pain, or start to feel as if an outbreak could be coming I hault all sexual activity.
    Now, this is isn't the best advice for everyone as you really need to know your body and know it WELL.
    However, it works for me and I haven't passed it on to anyone. So it's a win win.
    Don't be depressed just relax like normal and don't have ANY sex when your not feeling 100%.



  • @beautyintheugly22 I love this post.

    Thank you !

  • the problem i have no idea when a prodrom is happaning i always feel an itch or muscle pain maybe from stress . the only outbreak i had after the initial was like 3 weeks after the first and the only thing i remember i woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and i had an itch and i scratched and went back to sleep in the morning in that same place i had sores so it was like in a few hours.
    also are you sure about the "here's only a 4% chance of spreading the virus with unprotected sex when there are no symptoms." ? seems a little low. and how do you know you don't have symptoms sometimes its only shedding without you feeling anything.
  • edited September 2017
    Look at this fact sheet.
    It's on this site under the info spreadsheets on this site's.
    https://herpesopportunity.com/free-ebook-signup.html
  • @beautyintheugly22 may i ask if you stopped taking Valtrex to take the lysine? I have had constant outbreaks since my diagnosis but each one keeps getting smaller and smaller. Doc has me on 1.6g of acyclovir everyday but that's absolutely insane. The lysine seemed to be working with a mix of tea tree oil and prunella vulgaris extract tincture down below if I felt ANY symptoms but there was always one damn lesion there even if the outbreak seemed clear! Thought perhaps I was a scar till I took all 1600mg of my meds yesterday and woke up to see everything is completely clear. I have a heart condition and many autoimmune disorders so my situation is a bit different but I'm so terrified of the side effects of these antivirals. I feel them right now and dehydration is definitely one I'm not fond of... especially with Sjrogrens Syndrome. Please let me know:) I want to do this the natural way but I am running out of ideas. I may try 800mg broken in half twice a day.. much better than 1.6g but it may not be enough. Guess it's all about trial and error.
  • First I want to apologize for the delay, I've been living life so carelessly. In your situation I would just take the medication. Stay away from intercourse and any relationships until you feel comfortable, like the meds will work. Lysine will help but you have to change your diet too. Herpes comes with so many responsibilities it's ridiculous. At first the meds didn't work for me. I would take them and they didn't do a thing. Just keep hope. They keep getting smaller and smaller because your body is fighting the virus. Eventually, you won't have any outbreaks. Herpes is kind of like HPV. You're body will fight it off after awhile. Doctors have to say "incurable" because they don't have meds that would cure you on the spot. You may have lesions but they will continue to get smaller and more minuscule over time. Just try to take care of your body and sleep normal. I notice I get more outbreaks when I drink alot or skip my normal sleep schedule but you could be different. Pay close attention to how "she" feels down there and if she feels stressed or kind of like you have a yeast infection or any kind of discomfort... take your meds as those are prodome symptoms. Once you master recognizing the pre- symptomatic signs you will be fine and the virus will fade away.
  • I understand you have certain issues but to be completely natural you would have to change your diet as well my love. I didn't mean to not answer your questions but honestly I'm not a doctor so I would advise you contact your doctor for further details.
  • I agree with johnd, how do you get back to normal when every time you meet someone for a potential relationship you fear the person running the opposite direction..
    It makes me feel sad and depressed. I feel like I have this black stain on me and it will never go away.
    I question the 4% myself as the person who gave me herpes had it for 17 years with no symptoms, or maybe I just was the unlucky person to catch it after 2 nights being with him (unprotected sex).
    It just shows, you can still be contagious so many years later with no symptoms what all.

  • @beautyintheugly22 I actually had to stop taking the antivirals because they put me in the hospital. It was quite serious. I should be taking lysine as I have an outbreak right now but they for some reason rot my stomach pretty badly. I am taking probiotics for vaginal health right now but i also still using what's left of the prunella extract and then just switching to teatree on a cotton pad due to financial difficulties. I also have jaw surgery next month so I'm scared shtless about that but also about how far back herpes wise that will send me. I know that's the last thing I should be thinking about but it just adds to the pile. I'm still getting to know this virus but having an outbreak after going almost a month without one is so disappointing. It's like my skin down there feels much thinner and way more painful and sensitive. I got giant lesions from a tampon so needless to say I'll never use them again. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend in almost two months and we've had serious issues lately. I don't want to air out my dirty laundry here but in an argument with him when he was being such an asshole and trying to break up with me for the third time in 4 months, he pretended to be on the phone with his Mom telling her to get him out of the house but apparently made that up; and in that mix up shortly afterwards he threatened to tell his entire pretentious family, even though I hadn't passed this virus on NOR was I intending to hense the lack of sex, that I have herpes. Something that isn't their business by ANY means, and since then I question what the fuck I'm even doing. I know he didn't mean to do or say what he did and he is trying to make it up to me but... I don't see this magically getting better. It was the single most disgusting thing anyone has ever said to me.. and at any point he could snap again. I can't trust he won't and I'm about to have jaw surgery and have to rely on this man to take care of me so I'm basically freaking out. Is this not emotional abuse? I hate to have to ask here but I don't know what else to do...
  • I told him if I knew what kind of a man he would turn into I wouldn't have tried so hard to protect him. I mean he keeps saying he doesn't care and that he wants to have sex with me but I can't risk it because it I pass it on I'll never hear the end of it. And he's suicidal as well but it's like join the fucking club. If I left especially if I passed the virus on, I would have to live with that guilt forever.
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