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positive guide to herpes disclosure



It Only Gets Better

After a long week of parading family around for a much needed but exhaustingly annoying visit. I was completely stressed and above all... HORNY! The breakup with my ex had ended abruptly at the beginning of the year after 3 years, so the year had been nothing but trying, as I tried to find old "friends with benefits" type situations. Could I at least be awarded the one natural god given pleasure that I so desperately needed in this time of stress.
Shit gets real when you get desperate. lol
Moving on, I dropped my family off at the airport and bolted home to get ready. I needed a night on the town, just being a hotmess! While out, I had awesome shooters and played all my favorite songs on the jukebox. The week was starting to look up and I could feel all my stress melting off my shoulders.

I finally sit down after dancing and playing pool and over my shoulder sat a cute, (a little skinny for my type but cute) guy. When we started talking I was instantly engulfed in his southern accent and laid back persona.
It's crazy because as women, we know when a man is more than average. (Ladies you know what I mean, you can look at a guy and tell if he's hubby or not!) I really was digging him and I could see he was feeling me too. He was a gentleman and really impressed me, even in the small local bar we vacated.
God he had become irresistibly hot, just dying for my undivided attention. As we clinked our coronas, the pit of my stomach was tingling. I ignored it, passing it off as butterflies, and proceeded with what I thought would be a joyous ride.

Oh it was a ride alright!

Flash forward, to 3 days later when I start to feel ichy down there. Really, REALLY, ichy!
There was a small bump around the opening of my vagina a day later. I freaked! Realizing the error of my ways, the low down dirty dog gave me herpes! I just knew it in the pit of my stomach. Goddammit why didn't I listen, my innate voice was trying to tell me that night. My dumbass got so caught up in his eyes and his accent. What in the actual fuck was wrong with me!

That day at the doctors office I sat there trying to decipher what was going on. Herpes? God, it really can't be herpes can it? I so knew better! How can a woman as careful as I am get herpes. I started to rummage my brain.
The doctor flew in. "Okay miss, You have genital herpes." My mouth dropped. "Now, this is something that you will have your entire life and it will not go away, do you understand?" I shook my head about to bust into tears. "The good thing is, this is a treatable condition and it is not life threatening." What kind of life can you have with herpes, I thought. "We're going to start you on a gram of Valtrex twice a day." she continued, "You can let the front desk know what pharmacy you would prefer for the e-script." She walked out of the room and shut the door behind her. I just balled out in tears, my palms got really sweaty and for the first time in my life, I felt completely dirty from the inside out.

When I arrived home I started operation herpes research. For days I read forums and heath sites, web md, I mean you name it! I was now an expert when it came to herpes. Shit, I even learned things about HIV that I didn't know. All of a sudden the sadness disappeared (along with my sores lol) and I realized this wasn't going to be the end of my story, maybe a good climax, but never the end! (lol) I'd been lucky to ONLY have contracted herpes and for a second I started thanking my lucky stars I wasn't just diagnosed with HIV. Sure, the sores hurt like a hell and I honestly would never wish them on my worst enemy! However, I started to realize that not only could it be worse but, it could be REAL bad. In my head I made of list of the shit that would be a far more worse to experience than herpes. The list went on and for the first time ever I was GRATEFUL I had herpes.

My first outbreak was a bitch! It lasted no joke, 12 days. 5 days of excrusating pain with swelling and ichiness followed by, 7 days of healing. Tea tree oil has become my bestfriend and medication. Now pretty much every tingle, ich, slight pain, or discomfort down there, I'm like in between my legs with a mirror trying to see if there's any funk on my bunk! (lol) Some days were better than others but now I'm completely on a path to healing. I take lysine tablets everyday and do everything I can to "keep my immune system up." When I do have an episode now its nothing near as extreme as the first one. I mean nothing! Its a bit uncomfortable and of course as a woman your always going to feel some type of discomfort with it, however, my second outbreak was almost barely noticeable. If it wasn't for all the research I did about prodomes and the symptoms before an outbreak, I would've just thought I cut myself shaving or was getting a yeast infection.

Eventually, my digging around reading and asking questions lead me to want to open up to my mom about it. As crazy as it sounds my mom didn't even flinch. She did her research and talked to some friends of hers (In which, made her closer to her friend because her friend disclosed and she didn't know!) and found out that it's not a big deal. Actually her friend that's a gyne said that herpes will lesson and go away over time. She explained to me that because the test doesn't test for herpes itself, (it only tests for antibodies) that yes I will "Always have the virus" or at least always test positive for it. That being said, the virus may never show symptoms even though I test positive. I took that as problem solved! All I have to do is breeze by these next couple outbreaks and before I know it, it'll be a distant memory. (a hilarious one at that) Now I am not a doctor and none of this has been proven. What I'm implying is that a healthy lifestyle and good immune health can help stop the attacks the virus has on your body.

Hearing this news from the doctor definitely changed my mental state on being diagnosed with herpes. I never really found myself to be mad a the guy who gave it to me. I know , I know, I'm a crazy bitch and this is something I should fight over .... right? Wrong! I'm not mad at him because sex is a risk. Whether that risk be pregnancy, an STD, falling in love, getting caught up. Whatever the case may be, we all take that risk knowingly. We all had sexual education classes and we all were taught how to protect ourselves. (At least I know I was) That's why I was more disappointed in myself. I knew how to protect myself and I chose not too. I chose to trust someone I thought would be honest. In hindsight, you laugh at yourself because the thought of a man being honest when the kitty is purring right before their eyes is hilarious. Now is the time to be completely honest with yourself. (lol) In a perfect world, oh yes, he would've told you. In this world, HELL NO!

However, its such a huge learning lesson.
Love yourself and do whatever it takes to protect you! If he isn't for it, then he can kick rocks!
We can't change the past but we can take proper steps to change our future outcome. So RELAX! It isn't so bad and even when it is, it's manageable. Your life does go back to normal and you WILL lead a normal life (whatever "normal" is) just as before. Take a deep breath and pamper yourself! This too shall pass!


  • yes i guess you get back to normal but how do you deal with the fact that everytime you start a relationship , The guy/girl can run away and break your heart. because most of the people (including me) would hear that the girl/guy has herpes would run away.This scares and depresses me.
  • It's easy to say, "Well they're just uneducated and immature!" In reality though ,it is something that I myself (If I had been given the choice) would have walked away from as well. The truth is, there's only a 4% chance of spreading the virus with unprotected sex when there are no symptoms. Condoms break that in half to 2% obviously. Now that isn't to be confused with ONLY sores. All the prodrome symptoms count as an outbreak as well. So that's where it gets a little messy. You can have prodromes with no actual outbreak. Which would definitely still spread the virus.
    For me personally, everything is extra wrapped and sealed tightly in all my sexual encounters now so, I don't see the logic in disclosing for a 2% chance.
    Now, that being said, when things do get to that point or I find myself wanting to start a relationship I absolutely disclose and fast.
    It's not really something I just throw out there unless there's unprotected sex involved. (Which has been none) & If I have a tiny pain, or start to feel as if an outbreak could be coming I hault all sexual activity.
    Now, this is isn't the best advice for everyone as you really need to know your body and know it WELL.
    However, it works for me and I haven't passed it on to anyone. So it's a win win.
    Don't be depressed just relax like normal and don't have ANY sex when your not feeling 100%.

  • @beautyintheugly22 I love this post.

    Thank you !

  • the problem i have no idea when a prodrom is happaning i always feel an itch or muscle pain maybe from stress . the only outbreak i had after the initial was like 3 weeks after the first and the only thing i remember i woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and i had an itch and i scratched and went back to sleep in the morning in that same place i had sores so it was like in a few hours.
    also are you sure about the "here's only a 4% chance of spreading the virus with unprotected sex when there are no symptoms." ? seems a little low. and how do you know you don't have symptoms sometimes its only shedding without you feeling anything.
  • edited September 15
    Look at this fact sheet.
    It's on this site under the info spreadsheets on this site's.
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