Wasn't an Issue For Years, Now It's Getting to Be & I Want to Know About Testing

My ex passed the virus to me about 18 years ago after our first unprotected sex after marriage. We had both been tested for STDs before getting married, but of course they did not then and do not now test for HSV, so we both came up clear. I went to the doctor 4 days later when I had my first outbreak. She said it was "probably" herpes, took a swab then never gave me the test results or any useful information on how to manage it or what to do. I changed doctors soon afterwards.

Got divorced 4 years later. For the last 14 years I struggled with a weight problem and was too fat to attract anyone, so knowing I had genital herpes was a nonissue. After the first painful outbreak, they became fewer, very minor and very far apart. My outbreaks now are one about every five years, one small sore only on the labia that goes away in about five days.

I've now lost a lot of weight and am beginning to get some attention from men. Went to my doctor to ask about getting tested. I want to know whether I have HSV1 or HSV2, as my symptoms are very mild and infrequent, indicating the possibility of HSV1 genitally, but I don't know for sure until I'm tested. I also want to know if my ex passed on anything else that I don't know about.

My doctor was amazingly unhelpful. I told him my story and he said, "oh, yeah, you have it." But he said tests are inconclusive, so I shouldn't bother. Obviously he is not up to date on the latest developments in STD testing. He also did not have any useful information to give me about what sexual practices were safe. He said with the infrequency of my outbreaks, there was no point even in taking any medication for it. The only thing he did say was if I took Valtrex, it would decrease the possibility of asymptomatic shedding and passing it on to a partner to about 1%.

I did not pursue the testing issue at that time because I wasn't seeing anyone, and I felt I could wait until I found someone and was at the point of disclosure. At that point, we would both get tested and I would have a recent test to go on.

I'm interested to know how others got tested and what tests they asked for. I know of a clinic near where I live that will perform a 10 panel STD test, including HSV1 and HSV2 for around $200. I think they do the ELISA test for HSV. Am still going to wait until I find someone who's serious, as right now $200 is a lot of money and I'd just have to do it again for recent results when the right time comes. Thanks in advance for your input and advice.

Welcome, @BlueIris. Congrats on the weight loss--that is a big accomplishment!

I too, was tested for STIs before getting married 18 years ago (I'm now divorced), and was surprised to learn there really wasn't good testing for it then. (Turns out I had it before getting married and just didn't know it.).

If you have health insurance, I would recommend finding another doctor--any doctor--and asking for the IgG blood best (ELISA is a brand of it, IIRC). I'm on a high deductible health plan at work and when I spontaneously asked for STD testing 18 months ago with a routine Pap smear, my insurance covered it as preventative care. Worth a shot if it can make your out of pocket costs less than $200. I just saw a nurse practitioner at a family clinic for the Pap smear. It just so happened she is one of the rare providers who actually test for HSV with other STIs.

It's sad but common that a lot of doctors are really uneducated about HSV. I found this handbook really helpful: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/. Terri Warren is a nurse practictioner who recently retired from running an STD clinic for 20 years plus she researches HSV. I highly recommend her full book (available on Amazon Kindle). It will take so much of the mystery out of HSV for you!

It's almost a joke how little doctors actually know about herpes. They pretty much all say different things about it and a lot of them recommend not disclosing just because they don't understand the legality of it or how the virus works.

Anyway, you had it for 18 years and it wasn't a big deal and it's still not a big deal. Disclosing isn't as scary as you might think. It can actually be a good way to bond someone. I've disclosed to well over people who then greenlighted sex.

Congrats on getting in better shape.

Thanks HikingGirl and hippyherpy. I lost 90 pounds in the last 16 months and have 60 more to go, so I'm also dealing with body image issues. But I'm working hard on it, and this is giving me time to come to terms with myself, my virus and how to deal with telling someone when the time comes. Things are not in my favor at my age (64), but the dating sites are loaded with men my age. I'm just determined enough or deluded enough to think it's still possible to find someone.

Yes, it is disheartening to find out the medical profession is so far behind. Thank goodness for the internet!!!

I got herpes 30 years ago and over the course of the first couple of years I had 3 different outbreaks swabbed. They all came back as negative, yet the outbreaks kept coming. I was in the military at the time and they would not do a blood test. In 2014 I finally asked my doctor about getting an IgG. She ordered it up and it came back positive for HSV2.

I'd like to add my congratulations on the weight loss. Been there done that myself, more than once. I'm back to where I need to start losing again. My will power can be rather weak. I may be close to a major change in life so hopefully I will find some major inspiration.

A HUGE Congrats to you on your continued progress and weight loss of course. My doctor here in Miami, is actually very well educated about HSV, and offers great advice, he actually has his office listed as an STD clinic and encourages those talks. If you're ever in town (or can contact him by email maybe), he is pretty awesome. I do find however that unless you're suffering from many OB's, you aren't really taken too seriously. It's like you're not physically debilitated so just deal with it - and that sucks because the mental part is just as debilitating if not worse at times.

I'm 38 and I've never had a genital OB, only some blisters on my elbow for at about 17 years. I tested positive for HSV-2 through a blood test about a year ago because my then bf got tested and was positive. I never made the correlation between my elbow and the possibility of HSV prior to him giving me that news and now I'm waiting for the next elbow blister so that I can have it swabbed and confirm if its even that.

I think of the idea of having to disclose and I just haven't been able to conquer it yet, so dating is not on my list of to do's - at least not for now.

I was diagnosed last week and my doctor said "Don't worry about it, you don't have to tell anyone." I don't have outbreaks, never have. But, I do have a lot of friends who have Herpes and I know enough to know that my doctor is ill-informed.

Great job on getting in shape. As my therapist told me, now is the opportunity to find someone who will love you no matter what.