My ex has hsv2. I'm getting tested today. Scared and in a 11 month relationship now.

So I'm going in to get tested for hsv today. My ex has told me that he has it. I had a previous scare in my pregnancy because my ex was getting cuts. I talked to my dr and she vaginally checked me and found nothing. She ran a blood test and HSV1 and 2 were positive but of low index. She classified it as a negative reading. I was nervous though about possibly having it right at the time of delivery of my baby. She put me on pills to put me at ease last 3 wks or so of preganancy. I was tested up to a year after and results were in the same general range. First check 2013. Last check was 2014. Now my ex tells me few days ago he tested long time ago and is positive. I feel like he is taunting me and wants my relationship to fail. So now I'm very nervous. I never had any ob that I know of although I have read they can be subtle. How do I bring this up to my wonderful bf of 11 months. I don't want him to feel like I've cheated, or known and lied etc.. I'm a nervous wreck though. I see the plus side of my situation being that if I do have it, it's old and hasn't caused me any known issues. Telling this man that I love dearly that I may have it and exposed him is not sitting with me very well. PLEASE PLEASE HELP!

First of all - don't worry. You haven't done anything wrong. Just be honest with your guy - tell him you are going to get tested because some recent info from your ex makes you think it's possible you may have picked up an STI some time ago, though you haven't had an ob. If you come back positive, tell him that you came back positive. You don't have to apologize, or feel bad, or ashamed. It's just facts, facts that he might want to know in order to take precaution going forward. Tell him this is because you care about him. Ask him to get tested too, because he could also already have it and not know it (not necessarily from you, either). I had to do this recently too, with a partner of a few months and it ended up being way better than I expected, despite having lots of anxiety leading up to it. If he freaks out and thinks you lied to him or cheated on him then you are likely dealing with a paranoid or manipulative person, not someone who loves you. He may be confused or even slightly nervous, which you can deal with by looking at stats and facts together or just having a level conversation together, but he should be thankful, not angry, that you are taking care to find out, tell him, and take precautions. I promise that just ripping off the bandaid and telling him as quickly and bluntly as possible will bring you a lot of relief (if you actually even test positive). But I would definitely tell him you are getting tested so he can prepare mentally too - it will take some of the pressure of of you if you come back positive.

Thanks so much for that. I did tell him last night that I had a drs appt today but I did not tell him details. It was late, he was study and trying to get to bed and I didn't want him worrying all day at work. I will see him tonight and plan on telling him. I actually already had this drs appt set but when my ex said the things he said, I knew I would include std testing etc. So did I already mess up for not telling him details of appt??! I love this man with all my heart. I'm going to feel terrible if I have it and given it to him. I will say that I have not been effected if I am positive so that's good. This is so new to me. My ex is a manipulator and compulsive lier. I can see him trying to destroy any relationships that make me happy. That's his full agenda I think.

Make sure when you're tested to get the IgG test and to ask for a copy of your results so you can see what the index values are. The best starting point is certainty. Virtually no one gets a zero on the test, so a low value can mean several things depending on what exactly the number is.

Thanks HikingGirl. I know the last time in my preganance they were low.HSV1 was like .90 or something in that range and hsv2 was 1.4 or something I that range. I'm a basket case sitting here right now. This is the happiest that I have been in my life and to think I may have to tell my dear bf that I have HSV2 scares me. That's really the main fear I have right now. The HSV2 with higher positive vale would be a shock but if I have it it's at least 2.5 almost 3 yrs. I haven't had anything noticeably wrong going on down there. So I can live with that. Reading how managageable it is and you can't die for it. It's just a skin infection. It all sees pretty easy to deal with. It's the attatvhed stigma. But I can't lose the love of my life. That's my fear. He's a great guy. Very calm tempered. Very loving. Non judgmental. So I just need a way to break the possibility to him tonight.

<0.9 is negative, 0.9 to 1.1 is unclear, and technically, over 1.1 is positive. 1.1 to 3.5 there's a fair chance of a false positive, especially the lower the number is.

I liked FlowerPower's suggestion of just letting him know what your ex said and that you plan to be tested. No matter what happens, you will be okay!

Thanks so much. It's like a roller coaster. One second I think I have it all together with what to say and then the next I'm so lost. He's the greatest guy I've ever ever met and I love him dearly. I have always been able to just talk to him. I tell him everything. I think I'm making this harder than it actually has to be. I think for the most part it's the fear of the UNKNOWN. I don't even know if I have it. I don't know how he will accept it. I don't know where it will leave us. I would say I don't know what to expect for ob but I've been so clear down there that's one of my least worries. I know it's very manageable. Praying for him to have an open mind and continue to care for me the way that he does.

My dear bf took the news very well. It took me a while to get it out but as soon as he saw me he knew I had something on my mind. It was such a ton lifted off my chest. He was very supportive don't told me it wasn't my fault. He held me and comforted e as he always does. He did not seem too worried and he just said that this is life and things happen. I've fallen in love with the best man ever!

That's awesome @Princess83! I'm so happy to read that outcome :)

Thanks ash. I pray that it continues in a positive direction. I can't imagine him not wanting e because of herpes. I'm still me. At the end of the day it's still scary though. I'm still waiting for my results.

I totally understand. I found out I have genital HSV1 2 *YEARS* into my relationship - two months *after* we got engaged. My swab and IgG were both positive so I've most likely had it for at least a few months meaning there's no way to ever know how long I've had it or who it came from. So trust me, I totally get the scared feeling. I still get scared and feel insecure. But he's been so loving towards me even though the physical intimacy has been scarce since diagnosis with me trying to figure my body and all of these weird sensations out

@ash2018 isn't it something how this virus just hides out in our bodies and then one day just magically appears. Mine hasn't appeared to my knowledge but I see so many things us women normally go through that could be it. Can't wait for these stinkin results so we can move on TOGETHER. I pray that u get all your signs figured out. My thing is if he hasn't had any symptoms, keep doing what u we're doing before u knew AND take the meds. Of course don't during ob. Glad you've had support.

@Princess83 thank you, I pray for negative results for you and that no matter what you guys can move on together! I have felt "normal" for the most part down there since the outbreak in the beginning of June. If I could get back to feeling normal I would love to just continue as we were before.

@ash2018 I'm sure we will both be ok and get all these things figured out. Thanks for being so supportive.

Anytime!

So I finally got my results back. It took forever! So I'm officially a part of the club, I came back positive. I told my boyfriend tonight. He made me feel like he was mad at me in a way. He mostly listened and only said a sentence or two. I was in the process of saying "I don't know if u want to go get tested right away, meaning urgently or just in some available free time" but before I could get it all out he was already speaking. He said " well of course I'm going to get tested, that goes without being said". I told him he had just cut me off and I wasn't finished. I went on to tell him my dr gave me the specific test he needs to ask for. He then says " I'm sure my dr will know what to do and order". I just felt like he was irritated with me and my results

Some of my message didn't post....

So idk if I should send him info. Let him look stuff up himself. I did send two fact sheets in regards to transmission rates, how coin it is, 80% of people don't know they have it etc. Do I just give him space and let him direct things? I'm so scared. I feel like it was easier when it was just a possibility but now that it is so, it feels different. I'm the same woman. I wanted to apologize but for what? I didn't know! I was a responsible, caring adult and told him no matter how difficult it was! It's still so new to me too. I don't know how to feel right now. I'm terrified though. I love him so much. I don't want him to be mad at me. This was so embarrassing for me. ~sigh~

I'm so lost and scared right now cause though he was calm, he seemed low key disgusted with me.