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I just recently found out about my HSV-2 diagnosis. I was in a long distance relationship for around 8 months. We didn't even sleep together for the first time until after 6 months. We used a condom and he didn't even have any breakouts. After I got back home, there were promises of love and moving to a city together until I never heard from him again. I was devastated. But not as devastated as when I got a call from him the first time in 6 months telling me he was positive for HSV-2 and to get tested. He had slept with someone else and they were negative but because I have the worst luck I came back positive. I have no idea what to do with myself, I'm beyond upset and feel like there's no way I'll ever be able to find love now. Any words of support would be great. I'm so lost and have no one who I want to talk to this about.

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Hi there! I'm glad you reached out for support. I am new to this forum, but in the short time I have been here I have learned a lot and read some great comments! I too have HSV-2. I found out about a year ago and I felt devastated. I was in a 2 1/2 year relationship. I don't know if I got it from him but when I told him he was cool about it. He never got tested and just assumed he had it. We have since broken up and I finally got the courage to date again. I got rejected by a guy I really liked and that has stung. But at least I tried. I get discouraged too and wonder if I will ever find love but I struggled with that before herpes. The worst part is the shame society puts on this skin virus. Anyone can get it and a lot of people have it and dont even know it. Knowing you have herpes gets easier with time. At least it has for me. It does make dating harder for sure but I am trying not to give up. I am still me. At least this way I will know if a guy really likes me or just wants to have sex with me. I know how you feel with feeling alone. But you have come to the right place. I have read a lot of successful disclosure stories and others on here have found love so hopefully we will too!! Stay positive!!

 

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Thank you! Thank you....you don't know how much a response meant to me. I have no one to talk about this with. My ex, who gave it to me called me and I can't even stand to talk to him about anything because I'm still so angry with him for giving it to me and just disappearing on me for 6 months prior. I'm trying to wrap my head around that it's just a skin rash and it's taking me some time. But thank you again for reaching out, I felt so alone, hurt and lost.

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Welcome, @K3426! I also found this forum shortly after diagnosis, but was too distraught to post or do much reading until months later. I also felt really alone at first, and it was excruciating. If you have access through insurance or an EAP program at work to see a therapist, just taking to someone who is not judgmental and is skilled at listening can feel pretty amazing, IMHO.

 

I was in a pretty dark place for a good while, and when I finally decided that I could either shrivel up and die or find a way to move on, I found two things really helpful....(1) educating myself about herpes (this handbook is a great place to start: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/) and (2) giving myself permission to grieve (How to Survive the Loss of a Love was on my nightstand for ages....it really applies to any kind of loss). I'm about 18 months post-diagnosis now and feel better than ever. You will find your own path! One thing is for sure, you are not alone. We're happy to listen or answer questions or support you in any way we can. {{hugs}}

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I also want to point out that most of the shame actually comes from ourselves and that other people actually don't stigmatize as much as we think they will. I have only been rejected once out of 10 partners (and that rejection was very predictable given the person's conservative views). At first, I kept being surprised that someone would still want to sleep with me despite what I thought was this hugely shameful thing. But the truth is, a lot of that shame is wrapped up in irrational fear, anger about someone giving it us without disclosing, or anger at ourselves for supposedly doing something "wrong" like not using protection, or sleeping with the wrong person. We work it up in our minds - telling ourselves no one could love us, want us, or will be disgusted with us now. We devalue ourselves to the point where we don't put ourselves out there with confidence and the belief that we are good, lovable people. But the truth is, most people don't see it that way. They see you as a person, and they are thankful that you told them, and they still want to be with you. And if they don't then they have their reasons which is fine, but even so most people are not assholes about it anyway. Part of the reason that cold sores are not considered so shameful but genital herpes is, is that we assume we should feel ashamed. So people don't tell their partners, they internalize it, and then the anger/shame cycle continues. I promise you will find love. I've been through two long term relationships with herpes as a non-issue and several short term relationships as well. It's not as bad as you think so don't be too hard on yourself. Remember to love yourself too!

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