Need Help

I have been reading so many posts and appreciate the vulnerability. I have only dated one guy since my divorce and when I found out I had herpes and disclosed to him we were already physical once or twice. He tested and did not have it but he accepted me with love. We have since broken up, and I have started to date and had my first real disclosure. I call it real because I was dating the guy I disclosed to but only touching and cuddling and kissing, no sex. I really liked this guy.

So I told him... I think I delivered confidently. He was very understanding and immediately said let's have sex with condoms. I was excited because I thought he accepted me. The sex was a bit awkward because I could feel his cautiousness and I know how much he likes to give oral sex and did not even attempt. He said the sex was good but I felt we were constrained. Immediately after he left abruptly and pulled away. He stopped texting and was quite cold towards me. I continued to try to contact him via text but he would say he wanted to see me and say he was coming over but would cancel at the last minute. Finally he came over again and I thought we were connecting again and we had sex. But then he disconnected again.

So he texted the last few days and wanted to come over. I have been really sad that we didn't work out and have been hoping that if meant to be he would change his mind. So when he texted I was hopeful. But now I am hurt, it became obvious in the texts that he was interested in sex. I told him that sex with nothing more was not going to work for me. So then he said he wasn't coming over and goodnight.

I am honestly confused. I thought he pulled away because of H. He did say to me that he didn't know if he wanted a girlfriend with H. But why would he be ok with having sex with me. Isn't that the riskiest part? Or is he saying that he can sex a girl with H but she is not worthy enough to be anything more?

My heart is so hurt. I feel lonely and alone. I feel rejected and scared that my good qualities don't outweigh this. Help me. I thought this guy and I were feeling something but he honestly treated me like a second class citizen after finding out.

Hi there, I think you dodged a bullet here. Herpes or not, I think this guy wasn't after your "good qualities" and you had to find this out a bit sooner than you hoped.

I had one rejection once because of herpes, and they guy seemed ok at first with it, but a few days later told me he couldn't do it. I was ok with that - I accepted it, but he went further to tell me why. It turns out he now thought I was "impure" and not as sexually innocent as he had hoped. First this made no sense: I had fewer sexual partners than he had. Second, it was so moralistic, and frankly, sexist. This was coming from someone who told me he had been falling in love with me! I was shocked that someone who supposedly liked me, actually liked an idea of me as some sexual innocent, and not a real, complex person. I remember I was devastated for a few days, until it dawned on me that I had dodged a real bullet there. Under no circumstances do you ever deserve to be treated like a second class citizen! Since that rejection, I've had many wonderful sexual partners and relationships, and at no time has any of them made me feel less valuable, lovable, or desirable. Your good qualities will ALWAYS outweigh a stupid skin disease, for those who actual see you as you are. You are not alone in your pain - we've all been there, but I promise, you won't be lonely forever.

Thank you FlowerPower I need the encouragement. I liked this guy so much and felt a connection but I have doubted my judgment after my divorce. I often tell myself all the things you said but then I go back to feeling like H will limit me forever and asking who will want me. I know true love will accept all of me. I hope for that. Thank you for the reply.