Feeling More Comfortable with Disclosure...

A couple of weeks or so ago, I made a post about having to disclose and being scared. I disclosed to that guy, and it went well. (Although nothing came of it.) That same day, I went on a regular dating site and created a profile. The site requires you to have a profile picture, and doesn't allow photos of anything but yourself. So, I put my photo up, and stated right there in my profile that I have genital herpes. This wasn't so much to get dates... it was more about facing my fear of disclosing. I've had many men message me, one of which only wanted to thank me for being so honest. (That felt good.) Another that I heard from was someone that I chatted with briefly last year when I had a different profile (without disclosure) on this site. He is now aware, and we have continued to chat. Then, there is a man that I've known for just over a year. The night we met, he told me how perfect I am. At that time, I still wasn't able to accept myself completely, and when he told me that, numerous times, I felt like a fraud. It actually made me feel worse because I had this deep, dark, dirty secret that made me feel the complete opposite of perfect. Last night, we hung out for awhile, and with a confidence I hadn't had in quite some time, I told him I have genital herpes. We talked casually about it for a bit, and I explained to him that the times he's told me over the past year that I'm perfect, it made me feel like shit. He then said that I am still perfect, and if anything, he only finds me more attractive now. I've been talking more openly about it with various people, including my mom, and even a woman that works at a store I frequent! Lol Of course, there are still times that I take the words and behaviors of others personally, and wonder if they are saying or doing certain things because they know I have herpes. It's not as bad now as it was just a month or two ago, and I'm able to accept that it may or may not be because I have herpes. In some cases, I see it as a bullet dodged. I'm actually starting to really understand how some of you on here are able to look at herpes as a good wingman/wingwoman. :) It does help to have confidence when disclosing, but for me, the best way to help increase my confidence has been by facing the fear and disclosing. Sorry for the novel, I just wanted to tell y'all how the last couple of weeks have gone with disclosing. :D

I love it, @Lollyann76.....you're on a roll! I appreciate you saying that it gets easier and you get more confidence with practice and by facing it head on. I often get caught up in thinking I have to prepare myself to death for something so it will go perfectly. When in reality, it will take some practice for me to get good at and comfortable with disclosure. I also love it that you mentioned you're gaining confidence even if it doesn't lead to a relationship. AND I love hearing how you're becoming more open with discussing herpes with people like your mom and the store clerk. Hearing your experiences is so encouraging to me!

Lollyann76, you're amazing! Good for you! I was just recently diagnosed and I'm still trying to figure it out. So far I've told the current guy I've been seeing that I was just diagnosed and I'm still waiting to hear from him again. I really appreciate you post! At the moment I just feel like my world is crumbling around me but your post gives me hope! Thank you!!

@HikingGirl I know what you mean about getting caught up in thinking you have to prepare so something will go perfectly. I do that too, concerning a LOT of different things. I know that you haven't gotten back into dating, but it might help for you to just start casually talking about it with people you know. When you see that those people don't treat you any differently, and still accept you, it makes it easier to tell someone that has a romantic interest in you. (Without the need to think, think, think and try to prepare... ;) )

@tooyoungtocrumble It's understandable why you feel as though your world is crumbling around you. I felt the same way when I found out I had contracted it. I was on one hell of an emotional roller coaster for a long time. It will be okay. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is your feeling, but don't get stuck there. As I mentioned to HikingGirl, it helps to start talking about it with other people. I learned from experience that treating it like a dark, dirty secret only increases any shame you might have in regards to herpes. Even if you come across someone who isn't able to accept your herpes diagnosis, it doesn't make you any less of a person. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. You will find that a good portion of people will be accepting, and it's those people that will help you become more accepting yourself. The trick is to not let any rejections rock you to your core.

I'm very grateful to have found this site/forum. I knew very little about herpes the majority of the 15 years I've had it. Simply googling information about it resulted in a lot of misinformation and scary shit, very little accurate information and statistics. Since I've found this site, I've learned the statistics and it's been eye-opening and comforting to know that it's so much more common than I even thought possible. It also helps to be more informed when I talk to others. So, tooyoungtocrumble, you're very fortunate to have found this site soon after diagnosis! :)

@Lollyann76 thank you for that!! I received my first rejection, by not getting a call! I thought it would impact me more but I think I need to just need go cool it on the dating for a bit and instead find people I can talk to about it, like you mentioned. I'm so happy I though this site, if o didn't have the ability to read everyones experiences and was able to relate to the first initial feelings, I would still be out of my mind. Thank you so much! Trying to stay positive :)

There's so much truth to your comment, @Lollyann76. I feel like a non-romantic herpes disclosure has been on the horizon for a while now...just waiting for the right opportunity. (Plus there's just not that many people I'd share really personal information with, no matter the topic.) The more that time passes, the more I feel annoyed about how common this is and no one talks about it, then I start telling myself, "Well, K, no reason to wait for someone else to start talking about it wen *you* can start that conversation!" I can absolutely see how it would help prepare for romantic disclosures.