Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Recommended Posts

I am 22. I was just diagnosed with H while traveling overseas. I had met this great guy, and we started with condoms. After a few times and some drinks, it didn't get used. A few days later I had moved islands and left him, and saw what looked like a tear on the inside of my vagina lip, it worsened quickly and more "tears" began to appear. After 3 days of indescribable pain and going to three hospitals,I was ready to get real answers, expecting to have been torn from rough sex and them been infected. To my surprise and dismay, I was told right away it was herpes, contracted most likely from the guy I had just met. I am devastated, not only did that end my trip and make it the worst decision of my life to go over there, and a giant waste of money, but I had to sit on a plane in pain for 29 hours to get back home.

I am so ashamed, embarrassed, and disgusted with myself. And it's even worse because it was in no way worth it, I regret everything. I don't want people to know I'm home because I don't want to have to answer why I am early or what's wrong with me. I feel like if people look at me they're going to know what I have and that I'm dirty and be made fun of and called a whore. People around here don't accept things like this at all, and I can't blame them because I wouldn't either. I haven't stopped crying since I found out and I don't want to leave my room. I can't look my parents in the eye. I don't want to talk to anyone. I feel like no one is going to ever want me. I have struggled with bad depression and relationships as it is, and rarely find someone I like. Now when I finally do find someone every now and then they aren't going to want me. And I can't blame them because I wouldn't want me either. I wouldn't want to be with someone that had herpes, so I can't expect them to either. And I don't want to give it to them. I don't want to continue with any part of my normal life because I am disgusted and embarrassed with myself and I just want it to go away but there's nothing I can do to change it. My parents are supportive but they don't understand how the people my age here are. They're so judgmental and follow stigmas very closely. And if I do ever attempt to tell someone, I know they're going to be disgusted and want nothing to do with me, as well as go tell all of their friends and then everyone will know. I'm also scared I'm going to have a lot of outbreaks, because this first one has been the worst pain I've been in in my entire life. And I'm scared I'll have issues keeping a job due to this because I have been struggling to move for a few days. I also have found myself thinking it doesn't matter if I gain weight or don't take care of my appearance now anyways because no one will want me as it is. I'm so devastated and alone I don't know what to do, I've had so many other issues already in my life this was the absolute last thing I needed. I don't want to be here, I just want it to be gone and be normal again, but it never will be.

Link to comment

Hi, @Qwerty123, and welcome. First....{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}. Many of us have been exactly where you are now, feeling like our life is definitively over. I know I felt that way at first.

 

Have you seen a doctor since returning home? If not, it could be helpful for them to swab the sores in order to see which type you have, and also to prescribe you antivirals to help with the outbreak. (Or perhaps a swab test was already done on your trip?) Many others have mentioned other remedies on here that they've used during their primary outbreak (which tends to be the worst, if it's any consolation).

 

It's okay to be sad, upset, angry, afraid, etc.....it's good to just get it out, and it won't last forever. I encourage you to spend time reading these forums as you'll hear from countless individuals who can not only relate to what you're experiencing, but are also now living life and enjoying it!!

 

Learning more about HSV also does wonders to reduce the initial panic. I think this handbook is a great place to start (https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/) as is Adrial's site. Visiting with a counselor can also be *really* helpful when you feel like you don't have anyone you can talk to. Plus, you have a group of folks right here you can always reach out to! :)

Link to comment

I am waiting for the results to come back currently, but they believe it is type 2. I have been but all my doctor said was that I have it and she'll call me back. Nothing was explained or anything which didn't help anything. I'm so uncomfortable and I just want life to be normal again. I can't believe this happened to me and I don't know how I'm going to deal with it. Life seems so unfair right now and I'm so angry.

Link to comment

Hey ! I was recently diagnosed and I'm also having a bad time dealing with it , however reading all the useful information on this site and the kind words people leave in the comments I have decided to take this as an oportunity to live a healthier life , don't take life for granted, love those around me even more than I did before , at the end of the day if we take care of ourselves this is nothing but a pain in the ass skin infection.

Link to comment

I understand exactly how you feel. I just found out I have HSV1 & 2 about an hour ago. I'm still trying to process this. My emotions are all over the place. I'm 34- how did I mess up at this stage of the game? I should've been more careful, wiser, respectful and protective of my body. The truth is- I don't even enjoy sex. I try it every 2 years or so since ending my last long-term relationship in 2011. I resented sex throughout the 6 years we were together and all times prior. I don't know why I had sex this last time. I was on a mini vacation visiting friends and having a blast. I should've been satisfied with that. When I have sex I think I'm always hoping that something will change, that I'll finally feel something pleasurable... to no avail. It sounds insane, I know. I just want to be able to experience what other people do. And now I get to experience burning sensations when I urinate and nerve pain down my left leg for the rest of my life. I'm still waiting for the blisters. I've told no one. I'm trying to handle this the best I can. The sexual encounter took place mid June. Within 2 days I had, what I assumed to be, a yeast infection. A few days later it progressed to severe UTI pain. My doctor prescribed macrobid and diflucan. Mild but temporary improvement. I went back to my pcp July 20th (I don't know why it took so long to get an appointment) and this time she prescribed azithromycin and ordered blood work and a urine test. Of all the tests ordered they somehow forgot/overlooked the HSV tests. I recently relocated out of state and needed a referral to a gyno. Finally got the appointment August 7th and had more blood work done. At that point I had been experiencing sciatica pains running down my left leg, so severe that my knee would buckle when I walked. I could barely get my leg into the stirrup for the examination. As I type this my left foot is cold/tingling. I called my gyno today for the results, practically in hysterics (because I already knew), and was very plainly told that I have HSV-1/HSV-2 and that a prescription has been called in at my local pharmacy. And that was it. I was alone in my car when I received the news. I drove straight to my pharmacy only to be told that they've run out of the medication and that I should call tomorrow. I haven't cried yet. I don't plan on telling my family or friends. They're not the most supportive bunch. I'm just grateful that I found this forum.

Link to comment

@jessieandjuice I recently found out too , although I'm waiting to see which type it is , it might be both idk. I have come to the conclusion that we don't feel bad for the diagnosed itself but for the stigma behind one of the most common transmitted desease. I also think a lot of shame is put on it because more often than not it is sexually transmitted. We need to be resilient and bounce back as soon as possible, we can't let a glorified skin infection rule how we feel physically, and emotionally . Take care of yourself, take vitamins , read around this forum what works for others. Make this experience a reason to rebuild yourself into a better self .

Link to comment

im so sorry, that doesnt sound fun. I wonder if its a mental thing going on that you dont realize? thats what it kinda sounds like. the burning wont last, since ive been on the meds a few days its stopped, its only when you have open lesions. i was in shock at first too, it took a few days before i could cry and reality set in. since posting that im realizing theres nothing i can do about it, and even tho im still devastated and highly upset, sitting in my room for 5 days not getting out of bed isnt helping anything. i finally got out of the house today and am feeling a little better. i got the call today that i have hsv1. i know it doesnt make sense kinda and im probably wrong but i feel like since youre older guys will be more mature and understanding of it than they are at my age. and with the medicine and stuff hopefully the leg pain will go away!

Link to comment

@It_doesnt_define_us I wish it was just a skin infection. My immunity is probably very low right now- I've been very stressed out having just relocated to another state and looking for a new job. My experience has been pretty severe. I have no lesions yet, but have suffered with UTI pain for almost 2 months and most recently developed, what I can only describe as, sciatica pain running down my left leg. I had no idea it was a prodome symptom until my gyno told me. Interestingly, today is the first day I've gone to the gym since this all started. My groin, left buttock and left leg were throbbing, but I insisted on kicking my own ass on the treadmill. I think it was 1/2 self inflicted punishment and 1/2 trying to do right by my body. I just want this initial OB to be over already. Now I have to decide whether or not to take the meds daily (liver damage?) or whenever I feel an OB brewing.

Link to comment

@Qwerty123 I'm glad you're getting back to normal. I have no desire to socialize with friends or even family right now- I don't think I'd be sympathetic to anything they'd complain about. Everyone has a right to their own misery, I just don't have the patience right now. Unless they're complaining about an incurable disease- I'd be all ears. Ugh, I hate being like this. I'm still feeling sorry for myself, I guess. I just want the pain to go away. The leg and groin pain is a prodome symptom of HSV2. It has something to do with the virus affecting nerves. I'm guessing the symptoms are worse than HSV1. I never knew that painful urination was a herpes symptom either. In my case, the entire area burns 24/7. Will you be taking the meds daily or only when you feel an outbreak coming on? My doctor said to take them everyday, but another member mentioned possible liver damage. As far as dating again...I can't even imagine it. I'm honestly disgusted by myself. I hate to say that, but it's true. It's the intense pain that's driving me nuts and making me hate my body. Deep down, I don't hate myself. If I could wrap myself in a loving hug- I would. My body deserves it. We all deserve it. We did nothing wrong. We aren't disgusting or damaged goods. I keep thinking about that woman who committed suicide after contracting herpes from Jim Carey. I read about it prior to contracting herpes myself and it broke my heart. I wish she had found this forum. Also, I read a post about dating sites for people with herpes so I guess that's always an option, but I don't think we're as condemned as we think. I'm writing this to you, but it's something I need to hear myself say as well. I'm not sure about how mature people in my dating pool are regarding herpes. I think it has less to do with age and more about the person. You'd be surprised. At 23 I met a ton of mature guys my age, guys I could truly rely on when I thought my life was falling apart. And some of my friends contracted herpes and we talked about it (guys and girls) and it was all good. Age is not the best indicator of maturity. Maybe this will force us to really get to know the person we're interested in. We'll actually take the time to build emotional bonds. It's kind of romantic if you think about it. Taking the time to fall in love. Most people don't do that anymore.

Link to comment

@jessieandjuice I am sure that once we get a hold of it it will be nothing more than a glorified skin infection that will bother us once every few months . Keep a positive attitude the stigma around it is too big for us to be kicking our own butts over it . It is what it is now let's kick H ass and live life to the fullest . Good luck and I'm always here if you need to talk or let out frustration .

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...