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I Have to Disclose... And I'm Scared


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Okay... I've been single for over a year. The last "relationship" I was in, I didn't disclose and it ate away at me the entire time. Recently, I met a guy and it started out as just friendly. Then the flirting started, and soon after I began to realize I really like him. This is when I started experiencing massive anxiety. I couldn't figure out why I was having such horrible anxiety, and I was looking for any reason whatsoever to stop talking to him, even going so far as telling myself that he's wrong for me in every way. (Which I know isn't true...) Today, I rambled on and on to my best friend about it, listing all the reasons I shouldn't talk to him anymore, when finally I got to the root of it. I feel like I've been lying to him in some way by not telling him that I have GHSV, yet the thought of telling him scares me so much that I was looking for any and every reason to just end it. That's not what I want. So I have to tell him. The fear of the unknown (not knowing how he will react) scares me. I'm just a big bundle of fear today! It doesn't help that he's 12 years younger than me, although he's been through some shit and has experienced a lot more in his life than I have in my 41 years. I feel as though he will be mature about it, and I'm not concerned with him spreading my business. It's just the possibility of him not wanting to pursue anything further. :( I really just wanted to get that off my chest here.

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I'll be thinking of you, @Lollyann76, and sending positive vibes out into the universe for you. It inspires me to read that you're going to take a risk for something that's important to you, rather than sit back and wonder what if. Confident or scared, single or coupled....I think you're a rock star.

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Just to be clear...you're haven't been lying to him at all! I think it's important to disclose on your terms (as long as it's before the deed), but when you're ready.

Someone once wrote on the forum that we all have stuff. Depression, heart disease, anxiety, tardiness, migraines. We don't feel like we're lying to those we like when we don't "disclose" other things, but those have a lot to do with how a relationship will go as well.

It sounds like you've reached a comfort level (and he's shared very private things too) where you're ready to talk - and that's great. Good luck!!

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@HikingGirl and @NothingGoodGetsAway Thank you for the words of encouragement! I was going to tell him over the phone last night, just to get it off my chest and to have it out in the open before we met up today. Well, his nap turned into a full night's sleep, so we didn't talk last night. This morning, he texted me when he woke up. Of course, I was having lots of anxiety. Soon after, he made a comment that felt like the perfect time to bring it up. I told him before we went any further, there was something I needed to tell him. He asked what, and I said I didn't know if I really wanted to tell him in a text message. He insisted, and so I told him. He asked a couple of questions, I answered them. He then asked why I felt like I couldn't tell him sooner and why it had been eating away at me. I explained why, and he told me that a close relative has it as well, then shared something personal about himself. (He has shared a lot of personal stuff about himself, but this was something that he wasn't as comfortable sharing.) It really was a good feeling to have such an open dialog with him. Even being so much younger than me, he has a lot of maturity and wisdom when it comes to life. After that, he said he was planning to come see me, then do a few other things. I teasingly told him to hurry then because I wanted to spend more than five minutes with him. We ended up spending about two and a half hours together, just talking about a lot of different stuff. It was great! He even said, when he needed to leave, that he didn't want to. And I let him know that I didn't want him to. We've been texting since he left. I just wanted to let y'all know that it went well, and I survived! Lol

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  • 3 weeks later...

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