First disclosure- Advice!!

Hi Everyone,

1st post here. 30 yr old F. Want to say how grateful I am for this MB- the stories people shared when they were first diagnosed really helped me through my initial depression with finding out I was HSV2+.

Ok! So, background: 1st breakout was in Feb 2016, was diagnosed officially via blood test in April 2017, been on valtrex on and off (only when I had symptoms) and my whole experience has been, fortunately, very mild with only two major breakouts to date. I breakout on my low back/booty area. I take quantum Health super immune w/lysine, astrsgulus, & olive leaf regularly, and just got back on valtrex 500mg daily. Try to keep my life stress free as much as I can!

Met a guy (40 yrs old) I can't stop thinking about, and would love to get serious with if it works out. We are taking it slow, but I know its only a matter of time before we will want to get intimate. He will be my first disclosure since being positive!!! Ahhh so scary Lol

((Breathe girl))

I'm trying think of the best way that I would want someone to tell me something like this if the roles were reversed- calm, cool, and confident.

I want your opinions on the where, when, and how's.

-should I tell him after a nice dinner, maybe when we are on a park bench or something?

-at my next visit or time at his place (not in the heat if the moment obvi)

- **should I leave or have plans after I tell him so he doesn't feel pressured to give me an answer right away?**

-what's the best phrasing you've used/heard for disclosing?

I know that if he rejects me, that it wasn't meant to be anyway, and that I should find someone who will love all of me for everything I am, yadda yadda ;-)

It's still in its early stages, but something about this one feels different and special, like a depth I've never experienced before with another person. So I really want to give it my best shot for this.

Thanks everyone!!

Ah quite a big step! I don't have much advice on where you should do it - it depends on you, and your relationship really. If you guys have long talks, have good conversation, etc, I would say do it at his apartment - it feels more intimate. But really anywhere where he might feel comfortable discussing is good. And, more importantly, where you feel comfortable (so if you want an easy exit for some reason, a park might be good)

I also don't think there's a need for an answer right away - so I would disclose, see if he has questions, talk about it if he wants, but then plan to change the conversation and keep talking, I wouldn't want someone to drop that news on me and then leave me alone (and I'd personally drive myself crazy if I left immediately after), so I would plan on staying around.

I think good phrasing I've heard is "i find you quite attractive, and I can feel that this is going to be getting physical soon. I wanted to talk to you about something before that happens. I have herpes (type xx). Do you know what that means?" (Good to check their knowledge here). "I take suppressive medication, which means there's a very low risk, even lower if we use a condom. I just wanted to let you know so you could be fully informed and make a decision." (Can pause here, don't want to ramble!) "A ton of people have it (1 in 5 women, actually) and don't know or choose not to tell. But I really like you/care about you and respect you, and would rather be honest and risk losing you than hide something selfishly. I hope you'll think about it, do research if you like, and theres no need to answer now!"

I think it's important that he knows that you are doing this out of respect for him, and that you're hopeful that this won't be an issue but not selfish enough to try to hide anything because you care about him.

(This disclosure is kind of assuming that you guys are close, you like him / want a relationship. You'll see much of the language is intimate- trust, respect, care. IF for some reason you're not as close or feel like it's leaning too heavily into commitment, then change some of the words to be a touch more lighthearted and flirty. He's making a decision to have sex with you, not to marry you hehehe)

GOOD LUCK. And remember - keep progressing the relationship and worry about disclosing when it's time. If you start getting a funny feeling about him, see some negatives you don't want to date, etc - try to see those without the herpes blinders on. There are so many reasons relationships work, and so many reasons they don't, that are farrrrr beyond H.<3

Thank you so much for that response. I'm going to use that wording if it comes down to it- really like the vibe of it!

The only person I've told is my mom (and just recently found out an old HS friend has it too!)

But just want to say it's really amazing to have other people to talk to about this.

I was reading some of the disclosure stories last night (the good and bad ones), and I felt myself getting really nervous/sad. I know that getting worried will not do me any favors in terms of law of attraction, so trying to keep my hopes up and know that while this may be my first talk, it might not be my last. So best to get good at it.

The more I understand that it's so insanely common, the less bad I feel about it all together. And out of all the stuff out there, this one is super treatable.

Thanks again