He deserves to know that he gave it to me right?

I am struggling with whether I should let the guy who gave me herpes know that he gave it to me.

I didn't even want to have sex with this guy but he was so persistent and basically talked me into it. He never disclosed his condition or used a condom or anything. I keep thinking about how he's probably doing this to other girls as well. And I'm absolutely positive this is the guy that gave it to me.

How do I go about telling him that he gave it to me? I don't even know where to start. If I tell him I'm probably going to start to get angry and lash out at him. I hate him for what he did to me. But I don't want this to happen to other people.

I guess there is a possibility that he didn't know he had it himself but I don't know. I find that hard to believe.

80-90% of people with genital herpes are unaware they have it, so it is more likely he is unaware. Personally, if I was absolutely certain I got it from a particular person, I would tell them so they could make their own choice about testing and prevention. Then I would let it go.

I second what @optimist said. Also, you may find it helpful to discuss the encounter with a trusted counselor. The circumstances you described (not wanting sex and feeling pressured into it) may be fueling your anger in addition to the herpes. {{hugs}}

Although my situation wasn't exactly like yours, I can relate. I didn't have to be talked into the sex, but I thought we both had a clear understanding that we'd use protection.

When I realized he hadn't put one on, I made a comment about it, and he made a snide comment about putting one on if I insisted, but I was too embarrassed to stand up for myself and make him put one on. (I've actually never told anyone that part of the story cause it still makes me ashamed of myself) When I found out I got herpes from the interaction, I was pissed at both myself and him. The first thing I had to do was calm down. Next, I had to realize that, although I believe his not using the protection when we had previously discussed it was wrong in and of itself, there is statistically a good chance he has no idea he has genital herpes, and therefore he didn't factor that into his decision to not put the protection on. And third, I had to realize that, although I can't go back in time and change his actions or mine, I can control my actions in the present. Does he deserve to know there is a possibility he has genital herpes, absolutely, both for his health and his sexual partners after. But think about how you felt when you found out. Now imagine finding out because someone is accusing you of giving them an STD you have no idea you have. Also, if you want to help the people who come after you, think about what sort of interaction will make him take the situation seriously so that he will go get tested and will disclose to his future partners.

Believe me, in the first few weeks I wanted to make the guy feel like crap for infecting me, and I'm not saying I'm totally at peace with the whole situation, but maybe after the anger passes you'll decide that's not the best scenario for anyone in the long run.