Positive response to first disclosure talk (eventually)!

Hi all,

I thought I would share my own recent/ current H disclosure success story, as I have found reading about others’ experience really helpful for my own situation these last few weeks.

Having split from long term boyfriend who also has H (we started showing signs at same time mid relationship), I had to disclose for the first time to a new potential partner. Thanks to H, I had been taking things really slowly, and so we had about 5 dates, which were getting increasingly passionate. I did feel bad about not telling him sooner, as we were getting quite loved up by the time I told him.

After chickening out a few times, I finally just came out with it while in a quiet corner of a pub one night. I used all the advice about being matter of fact, I was factual about the risks and how transmitted, and highlighted the limited impact it has on my life. I handed over the 2 fact sheets downloaded from this site, he slipped them in his pocket and that was pretty much the end of that convo! He took it well, and kept smiling and didn’t actually ask me any questions apart from [quizzical face] “is this why you haven’t come back to mine before now?”, which seems a pretty silly Q in retrospect! He was very gentlemanly, and we went on to have very passionate kisses before going separate ways.

The next time we met, he seemed completely normal and really into me still. Now, we had been planning for a while for me to come back to his for you know what after a special date he was taking me to the following week. We were talking about this special date, about how we were looking forward to it, and he said, very quietly and sweetly ‘next week, I think afterwards we’ll be like this (kissing and cuddling) but that’s as far as it will go”. Naturally I was gutted, and as I had had a few drinks, started crying a bit - gah!. Again, he was really sweet about it, and said it wasn’t H but other things going on. Obviously not true. So, much sadness and reading of the rejection stories online for the next week for me.

We emailed, and he said he was confused and still thinking about things, but really liked me and said we should see how things go.

So finally the special date come along. Had an amazing evening, and at the end, he asked if I would come back to his. So we did. Now, we didn’t go all the way in the end, as we didn't have any condoms, but let’s just say we did everything else, and it was an incredible night. He never made me feel conscious of H, and it was absolutely clear that he wasn’t put off by it, if you know what I mean! That’s what I take away from this really. And who knows what will happen next time. He has been texting me lots since, and has initiated plans for next couple of dates, saying in advance that he wants me to come to his again :)

So, 1st disclosure and not rejected, and a lovely sexy man not put off by the situation. I think as H people it does help that we have to make more of a connection with our beaus first, and definitely the not making a big deal of it at point of disclosure helps.