Hsv1 and Hsv2

Hello,

I'm a 37 year old women who was diagnosed 3 weeks ago with Hsv1 and 2. I'm having a hard time coping with it because I was always careful with my health and body. Finding out that I have herpes was very hard for me cause I never thought I would ever have herpes. What was weird for me is that I never had any symptoms, and how I ended up going to the doctor was because I had a small lesion in my urethral opening thinking it was from waxing. So, when I went to see the doctor she had me do some blood work and a swab just to make sure she wasn't wrong on the diagnosis. When I received my results I was in shocked because I never thought I would have to go through this. A lot of thoughts started coming into my head that I thought, "I'm never going to have a partner because of herpes, or never have kids." Well my doctor said that I can have a normal life but I have to be more careful. So, what I'm confused is how am I going to tell my future partner that I have herpes or am I ever going to be able to get pregnant, even though I know it is possible I'm still scared.

1. Can my partner get herpes if he doesn't use condom? or is it only if I have an outbreaks?

Hi, @Daisy1980, and welcome! Everything you're feeling right now is very common among the newly diagnosed. You are definitely not alone. Adrial has a lot of great information on this site about disclosing, and many people have shared their experiences on this forum. The search bar at the top right of this page is your friend! So are the topic categories at left.

Yes, your partner can get herpes if he doesn't use a condom. The chances of transmission, female to male for genital HSV2 is 4%/year with no condoms or antivirals, 2%/year with either condoms or antivirals, and about 1% per year with both. That's assuming sex twice a week according to the study. It's also possible to transmit herpes even with a condom. I acquired it from one of the partners I had before getting married, and all of them I used condoms with. Likewise, it's possible that it may not transmit. I was diagnosed after getting divorced and had no idea I had it. My ex of 16 years tested negative for HSV1 and 2 (I also have both) when I told him. All those years of no condoms or antivirals and the luck of the draw was that he didn't get it.

One of my favorite sources of basic information can be found here:

https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/

You'll also find a wealth of information and links on this forum. Again, welcome. :-)