My teenage daughter just got Herpes a week ago

I am on this forum to learn more, to get support. I want to educate myself about herpes. I want to help her live a normal life. She still has 2 more years of High School. Good thing the guy graduated last year and will not be in the school. My heart is broken, I feel betrayed, by my daughter and the guy. However I cannot blind myself. This is her first outbreak, at church she attends the nursery. Should she stay away from children and babies during a breakout..? How often are the breakouts, what could I do to help her. Yesterday she told me she felt ashamed, I want her to understand what she did was wrong, and these are the consiquences. However, I do not want her depressed or so overwhelmed she could try to hurt herself. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. When she has an outbreak do we have to Lysol the toilet every time ..? Should we was her cloth seperate when she has an outbreak.. so many questions.

I'm so sorry your daughter is feeling ashamed. Contracting herpes is a common experience of being human. Most people contract HSV1 during a lifetime, and about 40% of people contract HSV2, as well.

You didn't specify whether she has oral herpes (cold sores) or genital herpes, but I'm assuming genital herpes due to the comments about her feeling ashamed. Unfortunately, it seems there is a stronger stigma related to genital herpes than oral herpes. If she has genital herpes, there is nothing to be concerned about in the nursery because it is transmitted through skin-to-skin contact with the infected (genital) area. If she has oral herpes (cold sores) she should refrain from kissing the babies and children (and anyone else) during cold sore outbreaks.

In the home, there is no reason to Lysol. Statistically speaking, most adults in the home have either oral or genital herpes and just don't know it, yet this lack of awareness rarely causes problems. No, there is no need to wash clothing separately.

Here's a great and comprehensive resource about genital herpes: https://www.westoverheights.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Updated-Herpes-Book.pdf

Oh, regarding outbreak frequency, that is highly variable. 80-90% of people with herpes never even notice. Of the 10-20% who notice symptoms, some only notice a first outbreak while others have noticeable recurring outbreaks, typically of much less severity than the first outbreak. If your daughter has recurring outbreaks, she may want to try daily or episodic antivirals which help a majority of people who experience recurrences.

Thank You So Much and Yes it is Genital Herpes. How about later in life, will pregnancy be a possibility...? Or she will have to have protected sex the rest of her life.. ?

You didn't mention whether her genital herpes is caused by HSV1 or HSV2, but a large study in the U.S. indicated 30% of pregnant women were infected with HSV2 (which is almost always genital) and 66% were infected with HSV1 (which is sometimes genital but more often oral), so I think it's fair to assume at least 1/3 of pregnant women have genital herpes, yet complications are rare (1/5500). Risk is very high when women contract genital herpes of either type toward the end of pregnancy but risk is low with established infections. Your daughter can lower her risk even further by sharing her HSV status with her doctor who may recommend taking antivirals near the end of pregnancy and might check for symptoms of an outbreak at the time of labor.

As for condoms, they reduce but do not eliminate risk of transmission, so it is more about comfort level of the two partners. With daily antivirals, using condoms reduces annual risk from 2% to 1%. Without antivirals, condoms reduce annual risk from 4% to 2%. So there is always a small risk, just smaller with condoms than without. Most (but not all) people in long-term discordant relationships (meaning one person has HSV and one doesn't) eventually stop using condoms. (Also, the above statistics are specific to genital herpes caused by HSV2. If your daughter has genital herpes caused by HSV1, transmission risk is likely lower. There are studies underway to pinpoint risk but an educated guess would require dividing the above statistics by 3.)

sastre77, I wanted to write before but I don't have as much time as I used to lately LOL. First of all I myself have HSV2, I found out about 4 years ago but looking back I've probably had this alot longer. It hit me hard at first but as it sunk in and I found this site I realized that I'm just one of millions that have this. It really hasn't affected my dating in a bad way and in truth it's actually helped me.

I have been using dating sites for a long time and about 3 years ago I decided that I didn't want to keep going through figuring out when to have the "talk" so I included my condition in my dating profile. It weeds out those that are only on those sites to hook up and if anyone does contact me they know that I have this. I have had nothing but positive feedback from any men contacting me and in fact I'm dating someone now who I met on an online site. We've been together for 7 month now and I love him to pieces.

I decided years ago to let my kids know I have HSV for several reasons. One being that I've always told them the truth about everything and two that I wanted to make sure that if something happened and one of them did get this that they could handle it better. Low and behold my 19 YO daughter who is engaged to a wonderful man found out last week she tested positive for HSV1 oral. She and her fiance decided they wanted to both be tested to make sure and he was even with her when she got the results. He never batted an eye about the results and neither did she. My being honest with her and telling her about me having it made it something that wasn't a big deal. I am so very proud of her and her fiance for how they have handled this. Funny thing is that I can't remember her ever having a cold sore, go figure LOL.

Let your daughter know you lover her and this doesn't change who she is or what she can do with her life. This can't define her life unless she lets it, keep reminding her of that.

Hi, @sastre77. I think it's wonderful that you're taking the time to get educated about herpes.

I'm guessing we're pretty close to the same age, you and I, but your post especially hit home with me because it sounds much like how I imagine my own mother would react if she knew I had herpes.

About four months ago I wrote out some of the feelings I had about being diagnosed with herpes for a workshop I took on the topic of shame. I can only speak for myself, but my post (below) may help you understand some of what your daughter may be feeling and how you can be a support to her.

https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/8700/healing-through-speaking-shame-my-herpes-manifesto-part-1-of-2#latest

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/8701/healing-through-speaking-shame-my-herpes-manifesto-part-2-of-2#latest