Haven't gotten test results back but pretty sure my boyfriend gave me Herpes.

So this man and I (I'm 21, he is 25), have been talking nonstop for over a month. When I say non-stop I mean to the point where we weren't sleeping because we were talking so much. He's the kindest, most mature person I have ever met. He always respected me and never pressured me into sex knowing I've experienced traumatic things. He's helped me through a lot, and we connect in every way possible... mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically....

Well speaking of "physically"... We had sex on the 7th and 8th, at that time I was very dry and we struggled to "get it in" as I am on anti-depressants to help my depression and anxiety and I know they can make you dry. I would get wet DURING however, but putting it in was painful. I was sore during and after but we did it a few times (all were condomless... I trusted him). He was also bigger than what I've experienced in the past. So I blamed my vagina symptoms on the baaad friction.

Since that time, I noticed it would sting in the outer portion of my vagina and bleeding. I figured it was from the friction. But days passed and it was still an issue, plus I started getting a weird sensation of a "tugging/squeezing" feeling in my vaginal canal/clit. Baths made it easier but standing and walking around I felt sore. Then I got body aches and feeling hot. But the body aches and feeling hot are kinda normal for me as I have depression/anxiety. But that would be a hell of a coincidence..

I just went to my school's doctor today and she said it MAY possibly be from the friction (like friction sores, lesions, etc) but she believes it may be herpes. She said she cannot guarantee it either way. From my symptoms and the look at my vagina, I believe I have it. I wont know until next thursday.

Now... I immediately contacted my boyfriend asking if he has gotten tested. We've always been very straight up and open communication and honest with each other. He said he was tested before moving to where I lived and had sex with a girl who he wore condoms with and then told him later she was clean. He was very honest with me when he could have lied.

I was just wondering first.... Do you think I have herpes? From what I explained?

And do you think we could move past this? He feels extreme guilt and he tells me he takes full responsibility for what happened and will never be able to forgive himself for this. "And I understand. Im here for you no matter what. For whatever happens. Even if you need space from me. Or if you don't want to be with me in the end. Im still here for you.

Yeah i understand. Ill let you process if you do have it. Ill give you time. And no I don't want to lose you...

Im honestly slightly surprised you haven't flipped out a little. Its understandable if you did. I made the mistake" is what he said at some point.

I'm just worried we won't be able to be intimate again because this will be on our minds. Or if I will stay with him out of settling for someone who has herpes like me. Stuff like that. But at the same time if I didn't truly care for him I would have popped off and cut him out of my life. But he is the best person I know. I know he made a huge mistake, but this doesn't mean he HIMSELF is a bad person.

Thank you all for reading. Hi!

There's a simple solution here. Both of you take the igg test. If you're both negative then that's what it is, provided him and the other girl weren't just a couple weeks before he moved.

I think you should pump the brakes a little bit here. Not everything is herpes. The symptoms you described could be herpes, or a million other things. There's no reason to freak out right now.

I would suggest not making assumptions here. Based on what you described, it is possible neither of you has herpes, it is possible he has herpes and gave it to you, and it is possible you already had herpes and the friction prompted bothersome symptoms, in which case you'd want to know if he's negative so you can take precautions if he is not yet infected.

I started getting symptoms right after we had sex. I found spots that KINDA look like a blister but they aren't painful. I have one on my labia and I think one two on the inside of the labia (next to vaginal opening)... I notice what looks like cuts possibly from the friction which is the only very painful part... If i'm having this kind of pain in my nerves and stinging where I think the cuts are then I think it's safe to say I have it.... :(

@sp0 If the symptoms started immediately after sex, like that day or the following day, and if you do have it, IMHO it is likely this was an existing infection (from before this encounter) and the friction triggered the symptoms. However, if you mean a few days later, that could indicate a new infection, if you do indeed have it. Did they give you a swab test or an IgG blood test or both? That may clear some of this up, depending on which types of tests they gave you. Regardless, if you test positive, I would not assume he already has it. Whether he has it or not may influence your joint comfort level with precautions around transmission risk.

Edit to add: Sorry, I should give you a little more context here. With genital HSV2, 80-90% of people don't notice upon contracting it, but some of those people later notice symptoms as a result of some trigger. This can happen months or years after infection. With genital HSV1, it is more typical than with HSV2 to have a noticeable significant primary outbreak, but this is still variable person to person. And regardless of type, people who contract it and *do* have a noticeable first or primary outbreak do not experience those symptoms the moment it is contracted, though it is possible to experience symptoms as early as a couple days later. I'd say if when you say "immediately after" you mean within 24 hours of having sex, it is unlikely to be a new infection. Otherwise, it is certainly possible it is a new infection. Herpes is tricky. 80-90% of people with genital herpes don't realize they have it and it is not routinely tested for, so most people with herpes go their whole lives without realizing it.

I really appreciate all of the info. Just to clear something up, when you say infection do you mean Herpes or something else? I was a little unclear on that

@sp0 Yes, I was saying that if you test positive for genital HSV1 or HSV2, it could be a new HSV infection or a preexisting HSV infection. I think taking things one step at a time is a good idea. If you've had a swab test and an IgG blood test, those are great first steps. Perhaps they will both be negative. If positive, I think it would be wise for your boyfriend to get tested, rather than assuming he is already positive, unless his current HSV status would not influence whatever precautions you two might want to take when having sex.

OTOH, if you get a positive swab test for HSV2, but your IgG blood test is negative for HSV2, that would indicate this is very likely an infection you acquired recently, like within the last few months. So if you've been with only this boyfriend for that time, it would be a very reasonable assumption at that point that you acquired HSV2 from him, if you are indeed infected. A positive HSV1 test result is a little trickier because IgG blood tests do not detect 30% of HSV1 infections. Therefore a positive HSV1 swab combined with a negative HSV1 IgG blood test is not as telling in terms of whether or not the virus was recently acquired.