So depressed and in so much pain

Hi everyone,

So I was just told I have genital herpes YESTERDAY. I'm sure this is no surprise but I am in shock and have hit a wave of depression. I feel so gross and terrible that I could let this happen. On top of that I am in so much pain. It hurts to walk, stand sit any sort of movement at all. It also kills to urinate. I know they say the first outbreak is usually the worst but I was wondering if anyone had any advice on not only how to make it a little less painful but to also cope with this news. I am only 25 and feel like my world has shattered.

Hi @AMC929 and welcome! You're in the right place.

I know the shock of the diagnosis. I was diagnosed with gHSV1 3 weeks ago today. I'm 26. All of the emotions that you're feeling are normal. You are not gross. The vast majority of the population has one strain or another of HSV. Most don't talk about it because they have no idea, since the majority of the people who carry it have no symptoms or symptoms so mild that they are not recognized at what they are.

For coping with the physical pain, some of the things I did during my outbreak and some things I read about others doing are:

1. Epsom salt baths. They can be soothing and help dry the open areas out some via the salt

2. Anytime you shower or bathe, use a blow drier on the cool setting to help really dry things and help the open areas heal quicker

3. Avoid putting much on the open areas as they need to dry out. Some people have recommendations for things you can put on them, but I wouldn't have them be wet throughout the day (whether it be ointment or oil - I've heard of people using coconut oil, tea tree oil)

4. Loose bottoms and cotton or no underwear. I lived in skirts and dresses while my open areas were healing

5. When you wipe, try to blot. Same for if you do towel dry, gently blot the area

6. If it hurts to urinate try pouring some lukewarm water over the area while you're urinating. This can help dilute the urine

Hopefully others will chime in with helpful tips as well. Did they put you on an antiviral? Some say that this helps their outbreaks heal quicker.

When you're feeling up to it, browse the forums. Browse the success and veterans categories. They're helpful in seeing that you CAN have a normal life. Also, explore some of the vidoes that are on here. And I can't recommend enough: google Ella Dawson. She is amazing. She has been a huge part in helping me cope with my diagnosis. I have good days but I also have bad days. And that's okay. If you haven't told anyone, please do if you're comfortable doing so, someone that you trust. Having someone to talk to is so important. This forum is great and people are always here that can talk to you and help you, but face to face communication is very helpful in its own way.

And please, don't hesitate to reach out if you ever need to talk. We're the same age and I'm newly diagnosed so I do know what you're going through!

Just want to say I'm in the exact same boat. 24 year old male just visually diagnosed with genital herpes 3 days ago, waiting on swab results to confirm. My outbreak is quite major and my sores have been there for about a week and there are still some new ones forming but it looks like the majority of them are beginning to dry up and pass.

I'm sorry I don't have much help with the pain, I've had trouble sleeping mainly due to pain but also anxiety. Obviously paracetamol and ibuprofen are helping to some extent. I'm about to head out to get some Lysine supplements. I plan on researching as much as I can into a healthy immune system to suppress outbreaks.

Emotionally I feel dead, no motivation in life at the moment and feel like I'll never be intimate with someone again. I know with time I can mentally patch myself up but for now I feel very very alone. Telling close friends and family members helps some but they won't understand unless they have the condition.

Sorry to make this about myself but I just want to let you know that you're not alone and we will use the support available to push through the initial pain and live a great life.

Thank you @ash2018 and @mason1hg. I really appreciate all the insight and help. I bought lysine as well as the epsom salt. I'm going to try the blow dryer thing tomorrow. I ended up seeing my OBGYN today for a full exam and she disclosed not only does she have herpes but majority of her patients she sees for annual exams are living with it. She said that although I feel so terrible now the first outbreak is the worst. As terrible as the pain is, I do think learning to cope with it and accepting myself for letting this happen will be the hardest part. Also I was put on anti virals, I was told they take a few days to kick in so I'm hoping that happens soon.

I hope you do start feeling better soon! I have to address one thing - you didn't *let* this happen, it really can happen to anyone. People with their first partner have contracted it as well as people with numerous partners. People who always use condoms also contract it, because condoms don't fully protect you from it as they cover a limited area.

It doesn't discriminate in the least. There's no way to know, short of asking to see someones blood tests, whether they carry one or both strains of the virus. Many people unknowingly carry it due to being asymptomatic and many think that when they have a standard STD testing panel done that it includes everything, but unless specifically asked for it typically does not include HSV.

This is a lot to process and talking does help. Talk to us, talk to a close friend or family member, or even talk to a counselor or therapist. Healing, both physically and mentally, takes time