Please help me.....

I was just diagnosed last week with ghsv1. I have been married for almost 16 years and made a terrible lapse in judgment with another man (marriage has been rough the last 6 months). When this other man started to give me oral I instantly felt bad and stopped it and left and have not spoken to him since. But apparently it was enough time to ruin my entire life!! My husband is a good man and this has really opened my eyes that I want to stay with him. We have 3 kids together and I'm so afraid that he'll leave me and this will break up our family. I would rather die than have my marriage end and our family broken up. I hate myself for putting him in this situation. I can't face the stigma or disappointment associated with this terrible virus!! How with all the modern medicine we have is there not a way for people to have to suffer with this?? I Hate myself so much!!!!

I can only speak from the other side of this situation. My partner of 7 years went abroad for a year and carried on an affair for most of the time she was there. She admitted it to me early on but apparently did not cease to have interactions with him and on the last time she was with him she contracted ghsv1. She didn't know that she had it until we had already been intimate upon her return, she had an outbreak and went to the doctor and now I have been diagnosed with hsv1 on my chin and lips.

She has been a long time proponent of going to a therapist when things in life get rough and has started seeing a therapist to figure out why she was unfaithful and to help herself deal with the guilt and shame that she is feeling after giving me hsv1.

In spite of all that has happened, we are working to stay together. I was angry and saddened by the affair but I think that our relationship is solid enough and has enough good in it that we can get past this. I am also going to therapy because I feel like I don't have anyone that I can talk to about any of this since we have so many mutual friends and I don't want to turn my friends and family against her.

Don't give up hope and find someone you can trust to talk to. People that really love and respect each other and themselves can get through hard times. You have made it this far. It's a long road and hopefully this is just a bump.

Thank you for your response. I think at times he'll forgive me if I tell him and then other times I think how could he. I'm most ashamed of what people will think of me because of the stigma placed on having something like this. Maybe he'd keep it between us but what if he's mad enough and tells all of our family and friends. I just don't know what to do. This ONE time I slipped and I just feel like my entire life is over.

@hatemylife I'm going out on a limb here....did this guy have a cold sore at the time of oral? Just curious as oral hvs1 doesn't shed as much as hvs2 and if your encounter was just a few seconds, I'm wondering if you did, in fact, acquire this from him.....seems pretty unlikely. Has your husband ever had cold sores (as a child, I mean)? I would ask because if he did, then likely you got it from him.

He did not have a cold sore that was visible to me. My mother in law has had many cold sores during the 20 years my husband and I have been together but to the best of my knowledge I don't believe my husband has ever had one. I would think if my husband was positive for oral hsv I would have gotten it long before now wouldn't I have? And my OBGYN said even a few seconds was enough time to get it from this other guy even though I didn't think it was either. I'm just so scared and confused right now. I don't want my marriage to end!

It is possible even for a few seconds, BUT, if you read the stats it's a very, very low risk given the time involved. If it were me, I would think of a way to ask him in a round about way and go from there. It's way more possible he has hvs1 orally than you getting it from the other guy in a matter of seconds. Of course, just my opinion. Maybe someone else can shed more light here

For what it's worth, I have both HSV1 and 2. Since I have mild outbreaks on my genitals but have never had a cold sore, I just assume that I have genital HSV2 and oral HSV1 (no way to know for sure, but statistically speaking, this is the most likely scenario). Two thirds of people with oral HSV1 never have a cold sore. I was diagnosed with both types after my divorce, and my ex husband did not acquire either type....we were together 16 years! Anyway, I mention it because literally anything is possible in these scenarios.

I guess it could be possible my husband gave it to me but the difficult part is bringing this up to him. With neither of us having an issue up until now he will instantly assume cheating.....which it could be from that but the fact it was only seconds I'm hearing it's unlikely.