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1 year herpaversary


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So I made it to one year, I honestly didn't know how I would make it past the depression, hate, anger and all. But I still have questions and was hoping someone could help. I am 29 years old I was diagnosed the day after my 28th birthday. I've always thought I had been safe. I fell hard for this guy dated for a short time and we had sex just one time unprotected. About three weeks later I went to the dr. Because I had what I thought was an ugly ingrown hair. She gave me some anitiobtic cream and I was on my way. This guy ending up making out with another girl and breaking my heart a hundred times over. Fast forward to 6 months later I had some pop up in the same place I had that ingrown hair. I knew it wasn't right. Because that area had tingled a few times since my "ingrown hair" I went back to the dr. Even she said it doesn't look like herpes but let's swab it since it's occurring in the same place. Then the day after my birthday I got my results. Positive for hsv2. I felt like I had been lied to my whole life about sexual health thoughts std test checked for everything. I always thought girls who sleep around get this not me. I was terrified how I could spread it even washing my hands with rubbing alchohol after using the restroom the first month. I contacted the guy I slept with - hey get tested I think you gave me herpes, I haven't slept with anyone else in a 2 year period. After 3 months of dragging it out he got tested, (which I also didn't know at the time of intercourse he had never been tested presiously) at the end of three months he's result was negative. -Said sorry I don't have any std just high blood pressure. He trusts the doctor and will get retested in a year. Good luck in life bye-. It was not an easy pill to swallow. I contacted an even older ex from three years ago who is in now in a long term relationship, he was kind said he didn't have any signs but would let me know. I even spoke to an ex from 7 years ago. I hate that even though I had atleast a year if not more between 4 partners I don't have an answer. A year later I am considering asking the ex I believe gave me hsv2 for a copy of his results. Because I want some closure because I just don't believe him and I just wish I could know for sure it wasn't him. I finally started taking Meds which was hard to come to terms with. I haven't dated or been sexual active since but I hope I can one day. How have others found closure when you have no answer? I held on the hope so much to get my out of the spiral of depression I would like to just get the last bit figured out. Where I am today isn't a cake wake. I still have my moments but one year after diagnosis I've improved so much can't wait to see where I am next year with the support of this site.

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You're moving forward, and that's all that matters! Good question about finding closure. My ex-husband tested negative, so I must have acquired it from one of five partners I had before meeting him. They were all 20+ years ago and I'm not in contact, so I have absolutely no idea whom I got it from. How did I find closure? I guess I told myself that it didn't matter. I can't change the fact that I have HSV. In a way, I'm glad I don't know. Without knowing, I can't carry such resentment toward one person. I already had a hard enough time forgiving myself for not knowing I could get herpes if I practiced safe sex. For me, knowing who gave it to me wouldn't change a damn thing.

 

P.S. Happy belated birthday! :-)

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