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Disclosing to girls after a rejection


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Hi everyone, I'm new here though I've had herpes for a couple of years.

 

I got it from an ex girlfriend (she had it before she met me, and made me aware before we got into a commited relationship - I knew the risks, and eventually got it after about 1 year of regular, unprotected sex and no anti viral involvement).

 

I haven't been officially diagnosed, but I had symptons (burning when I took a piss etc). Anyway, it was never an issue until I broke up with my partner. Since then, I have started dating again. I was texting one girl and we met up, really hit it off and kissed a lot but no sex. We were texting regularly and met up about a week later. This time it was clear things were progressing, she came back to mine and, I told her. I was at the end of an outbreak that I had been taking Acyclovir to get rid of. I told her in a relaxed way and told her that it was common etc and not an inconvenience, but that we couldn't have intercourse. She seemed fine with it at the time, though we did other stuff - we didn't have sex. In the morning she was fine, later on she went quiet and text me saying that she was a worrier and needed time to process. A day later, she text to say that she was sorry but she didn't think we should see eachother again as it's the kind of thing which would worry her too much. I was gutted at the time, but put it down to rushing things too fast (we'd only been texting a couple of weeks and met twice).

 

Anyway, I've been on dates since but never moved onto intercourse and I hadn't liked anyone enough to feel the need to disclose. Until I met the girl who I'm currently seeing. We met once and I knew I liked her, we didn't kiss but she said that she wanted to see me again. We met up again and this time, we did end up kissing. We have arranged to meet again next week and I don't think that will progress to something sexual either as we will have work in the morning etc.

However, I'm aware that maybe the next time that we meet after that, we would have been texting for a few weeks and going into our 4th date. Sex will eventually become likely and I'm so scared of having to disclose in case I get rejected again. I do feel more prepared and I've practised 'the talk' with myself most mornings!

 

Is it better to disclose after a few dates/a month of texting, and before having sex? Or is it better to have protected sex (I'm also on Acyclovir daily) and maybe wait a few months until she likes me more?

 

I'm just a bit confused! Help please!

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Hi, @UK_89. I'm not much help when it comes to disclosing as I'm woefully unpracticed, but please do consider disclosing *before* sex. Future potential partners deserve to have a choice in the matter, just like your ex gave you a choice before the two of you had sex.

 

Do you know what type you have? You mentioned that you've never been officially diagnosed, but you were also able to obtain a prescription for acyclovir. Knowing which type you have will be helpful when having the disclosure talk because the transmission rates vary.

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I don't have a clue which type I have unfortunately. I always assumed that it was HSV2, as it was genital and that probably has the highest transmission rate (I always assume the worst). My doctor prescribed me the Acyclovir after I described my symptons.

I will disclose before sex. But does anyone here have any experience of this? Where do you find the balance between rushing into things and holding out for too long that it's weird?

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