So unsure about my herpes test results

I'm just 19 and about 3 months ago I ended up having unprotected sex with a guy. At first he forced on me but during the week I admit it was my consent and we had more and more unprotected sex. I don't know what I was thinking I am always paranoid and extra safe. I would just be depressed to find out if I'm really hsv 2 positive. I have a bright life ahead. I'm supposed to start med school this year and it makes me want to cry to know just one guy could ruin my life when I didn't even want to have sex with him in the first place. He's like the 4th guy I've ever slept with and the only one with no confom! I just hate myself right now.

I didn't experience any symptoms other than vaginal itching which was due to other issues of my own. No symptoms of hsv 1 either. I feel so overwhelmed by all these results and numbers online and I don't know what to believe. The results for the ELISA test said herpes 2 Igm in range 0.58 which based on the ranges would be negative then herpes 1 IgG out of range 1.64 what died out of range and in range even mean. Herpes 2 IgG was 1.39.... I don't even know what to think right now. Do a retest or not? Ignore it or not? Because I have no symptoms and it was about 3 months and counting ago. Part of me thinks oh it's really not that life threatening and a part of me is like could my life be any worse. With school anxiety and other medical issues. How am I going to tell my parents this? I just feel pressured and maybe s tad bit suicidal. But I have so much I want to accomplish. I want to beat myself for having unprotected sex. How do I even approach the guy. Could I have had the virus before? Maybe it's inaccurate.

Hi, @JustTryingtocope, and welcome. Your post included several concerns, so I'm going to try and address them in the order you mentioned them. Bear with me for the long post!

First and foremost, please call your campus health center and make an appointment to see a counselor. (Or, make an appointment to see a one if you're on your parents' insurance. You don't have to tell them why. Just say you feel stressed with school and a friend suggested it might help.) Even though your post said you had consensual sex, phrases like "at first he forced on me" and "I didn't even want to have sex with him in the first place" do not sound consensual. Feelings of uncertainty and guilt like you describe can take a huge toll on your physical, emotional and mental health, do not go away on their own, and are best addressed with the support of a professional.

Regarding your tests, you can ignore any reference to the IgM test. Herpes experts say they are notoriously unreliable and worthless. Who knows why labs still use them.

An IgG index value under 0.9 is negative, and over 1.1 is positive for HSV. Between 0.9 and 1.1 is equivocal (unclear). Based on your current index values, your results would be classified as positive for both HSV1 and HSV2.

However, herpes experts have found that index values between 1.1 and 3.5 have a fair number of false positives. If you have a low index value, and you've never had any symptoms of herpes, the only way to know for sure if you truly have it or not is to have the western blot test done. The western blot is the "gold standard" for HSV testing and is definitive. It's not common because it is only done at the University of Washington, so it is more expensive and your own doctor might be hesitant to order it if he/she isn't familiar with it. I had one done last year and it cost me $250. Terri Warren, an expert on herpes, can help you order the test if you want it done. More information at this link: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/getting-a-western-blot/

Another really important fact is that it can take up to 16 weeks for the body to produce enough antibodies to show positive on a blood test. 70% of people who have the virus will test positive by 6 weeks after exposure, but it's not until 16 weeks post-exposure that 97% of people who have the virus will test positive.

In your case, I would count out 16 weeks from the last time you had sex with this man, and go get another blood test. If you still have a low index value (between 1.1 and 3.5), you may want to consider getting the western blot test. My HSV2 index value was 3.27 and I still had it done because I did not want to go the rest of my life wondering if I really had it or not. Uncertainty is even worse than bad news, in my opinion!

Going forward, you should know that you can get herpes from someone even if you use a condom. I got herpes from a man I always used condoms with. Condoms reduce the chances of transmission, but they don't eliminate the chances of transmission. The virus can be transmitted anywhere in the boxer shorts region, even if there are no symptoms. This is why it's so easily spread.

Most people with herpes never have any symptoms, or their symptoms are so mild they mistake them for something else. I also have HSV1 and I've never had a cold sore. Only about a third of people with oral HSV1 ever have a cold sore. The rest have no symptoms. Also, 87% of people with HSV2 don't realize they have it because they have no symptoms or mild symptoms. Through a series of circumstances I won't bore you with, I know now that I acquired HSV2 18-25 years before I was ever diagnosed with it (and I probably got HSV1 long before that in my childhood). I had absolutely no idea for all those years!!! In hindsight, I know now that some of the symptoms I thought were mild yeast infections were really minor herpes outbreaks.

A good basic set of facts about herpes can be found here: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ (Terri Warren also has a full book available on Amazon if you want even more information. I found it really helpful.)

Your sexual health is nobody's business but yours and the people you're having sex with. There is no reason you have to tell your parents, unless you fully expect they'll be empathetic and supportive, and you actually *want* to tell them. My family is judgmental as hell, so I've chosen to keep it between me, my therapist, and two very close friends. Likewise, I see no reason to tell the guy. Yes, it's possible you could have acquired the virus before him.

Finally, you do have a bright life ahead--if you're willing to work for it. HSV is not a death sentence--not physically--and it doesn't have to be an emotional death sentence either. You'll find from reading posts here by "veterans" that there is an awesome, fulfilling life ahead (and yes, with sex!) if you're willing to make it so. Get clear on your test results, get educated, get some support from a professional, and give yourself some love. You're human, and even when we make mistakes, we are still worthy of love. {{hugs}}

@HikingGirl thanks for the information. I think I'm more scared about the fact that it cannot be cured at this time and the social status of it. Like a part of me really doesn't care that much and would forget this and move on. But there's a small part where I feel ashamed and stupid. I feel like this isn't real.

@JustTryingtocope You're not alone. Everything you described feeling is very normal and very common!

I've also struggled with the permanency of the virus and the shame resulting from the social stigma. With time and education, my hangups over "contagious AND incurable!!" have gotten so small that they're now small speed bumps and not brick walls. It has also really helped me to know that EVERYONE feels shame around something (often, several things). Brene Brown has a great book about shame ("I thought it was just me, but it isn't") that I really enjoyed reading.

You'll find your way through this. Just look at everything you've tackled so far!

Agree, you need to retest with numbers like these. Since it's been 3 months I'd personally go do it again at your first chance. The chance that one of these is a false positive is quite high.

@JeffH I'm so scared to retest tbh. They need to find a cure. I'm a bit grateful I haven't had any out breaks.

I get that you're scared. But it can't get worse by retesting. Right now you're double positive, so the news can only be better or remain the same