my boyfriend just gave me herpes but had no symptoms

okay so i am very new to this, i am a 23 yr old female i am dating a 30 yr old male. i have always been healthy, whenever i go to the doctor i get tested etc etc. so i got a Brazilian Wax two weeks ago, which now i have been reading that waxes make you more suseptible to getting stds because it makes your skin weaker, so then a few days after my wax i had sex with my boyfriend of 5 months. about 3-4 days later all my ingrown hairs started popping up and i got a bump at the base of my vagina. i thought maybe it was an ingrown hair from the wax, but a few days later i started having bad headaches, muscle aches, itchy, inflammation, discharge, the bump started hurting so bad and i also found two more bumps on my vagina (those ones didn't hurt). i was so scared and crying because i knew deep down it was probably herpes. so i had my doctors appt yesterday and yes, it is herpes, (they called me today to tell me that i also got vaginitis as well), i asked him if it was possible i could have been carrying it and now is the time it decided to pop up, or if i had gotten it recently. and he told me absolutely not, that there's a 3 day incubation period and that i definitely picked it up recently. so i told my boyfriend that he most likely gave it to me, (he felt awful and confused and cried because of how guilty he feels for "ruining" me), but he's never showed any symptoms (that he knows of) which i know is common. i guess I'm just curios as to 2 things:

1) i know he can go get tested but i've read a lot that even people who have herpes can test negative for it and if so then-

2) what to do when we're intimate...? not actual sex but oral sex... if he doesn't show symptoms but wants me to preform oral sex on him, i really am scared that he'll give me oral herpes since he doesn't know when he's having an outbreak.

Sorry about the news.. youll be fine though. Did they tell you if its type 1 or 2? Thats key. If its 2, youre pretty safe to give oral.. especially since his infection is unlikely to be recent. If its type 1, you might want to give it a few months until you build up antibodies to suppress that b. After a few months, youre very unlikely to catch it in another location. At least thats my understanding.

Your doctor is incorrect, there is no 3 day incubation period. You can have HSV for decades, not know it and never have an outbreak, then all of a sudden you get one, although rare. You also can't be a carrier, you either have it or you don't...period.

Now the good news, 80% of the population has HSV1 and 25% have HSV2, and 90% of them don't know they have it because they get little if any symptoms. There are 8 types of Herpes, 1 causes chicken pox and shingles. Everyone has at least 1 type of herpes virus in their system, most likely 3 types. 1 in 5 people have HSV. The Flu virus kills thousands of people every year, yet we're afraid of herpes. It really is a non issue and has an unwarranted stigma.

You can still transmit HSV without any signs of an outbreak, but the odds are extremely low like 4%. With condom use or antiviral medication it's 2%, using both it's 1%. Again, the majority of people have little or no symptoms.

This video should calm your fears.