Going back to the giver

Hi everyone I'm new here. I was diagnosed in April and I'm still very depressed. I feel like my life is over. I know it's not but I swear it sure feels like it. After we broke up I went into a deep depression for a couple months. After I finally got over the depression and felt whole again. I met someone I and went to the doctor to get a check up just to make sure everything was fine .It wasn't they told me I tested positive for herpes. My heart dropped. It's crazy because I would always bargain with God. I usually get tested every 6 months. I would always say please if I get anything incurable let it be herpes. I can live with that. Now that I have sometimes I feel like I can't live with it . I don't sleep around I was in a relationship I just meet the wrong ones . I'm so upset and ashamed I blame myself more than anything. I was really in love and I felt like this time was going to be different and we would be together forever. When I told my ex his he denied it and start acting like my best friend. He basically told me all the things that someone told him when he first found out. He never paniced he never mentioned anything about going to the doctor. I just wish he was truthful. Sometimes I really wish we we're still together. Going through this alone is horrible. I'm depressed on a daily basis. It's affecting my everyday life and I can tell my kids are noticing me being depressed. I feel like no one will love and accept me anymore. I live in a small judgmental city. So my ex just popped up out of the blue telling me he misses me and he's sorry for everything. I mentioned the herpes situation and he still denied it. I spent the night with him I even gave in and had sex with him and he preformed oral too. I'm sorry for being graphic but he's still denying it. I don't get him at all. He doesn't feel any type of sympathy or anything for me me. Two months later he still haven't mentioned going to the doctor yet. I'm just so afraid that I'm going to be alone forever. I'm so scared to disclose to someone I think that's why I want to be with him still. I need help and advice I swear.

When I was diagnosed, it was about a year after my divorce, and I also felt like I would be alone forever. What I know now is that no one is going to love and accept me--truly--unless I love and accept myself. That shift in perspective gave me the courage to deal with herpes head on, forgive myself for not being better educated about HSV, and to start becoming the person I want to be and living the life I want. When I'm ready to date again, that relationship will be the icing on an already really awesome cake (and not the entire cake).

Welcome, @TaintedLove. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, and you are not alone. {{hugs}}

I've always been one of the strongest women in my family, but right now I feel so weak. I cry so much I can't help it. I'm extremely depressed. I just found out that my ex has a new girlfriend. Im pretty sure she'll be his next victim. I'm so heartbroken. I don't know what to do I was just with him. I really wish this pain and heartache go away. I wish the stigma wasn't so bad maybe I could cope better. People act like your dirty when it comes to this condition. I'm trying my hardest to love and accept my self but it's so hard. I blame myself so much. Thanks @HikingGirl for your words of encouragement. I know with time I'll feel better I'm just so hurt and upset right now.

I know. It takes time. And it's okay to be sad...I think it's healthy to recognize this as a loss. We just don't want you to live in this sadness forever, right? :-) Be kind to yourself, take good care of yourself, surround yourself with friends and family who love you, and keep on living so you have things to look forward to. This crappy time of your life and the overwhelming fear and sadness will not last forever. {{more hugs!!}}

I understand how you feel, I was diagnosed a few days ago and I found out at work. the bad part is I been talking to someone for a about 8 months we hadn't kissed nor had sex but we didn't see each other a lot because I just wasn't ready to be in a relationship because of how bad my last relationship ended almost two years ago. We also wok opposite shifts as well and our off days were not the same, but we had just discussed dating and taking it to the next level and then 3 days later BOOM I was told I had HSV 2. I cried and cried and cried but the same day that I found out I decided to tell him and surprisingly he took it well. He's still around not ignoring me and we are moving forward with our relationship however, I can't speak for the future only for the now and right now he's willing. So I said that to say this there is someone for you but you have to understand that it takes a special (mature) kind of person to deal this diagnoses with your partner. I too thought the same thing I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life, know that I have HSV 2 it made me feel less confident and it took something from me that I don't think that I can ever get back until I accept the fact that I have HSV 2 and it's not going anywhere. So trust me you are not alone!!!

That's really good for you @mst because going through this alone is horrible. My friends and family know and of course the person that gave it to me. I was talking to a guy right before I found out and I told him 2 months later. We only talk and texted on the phone. When I told him he said shit happeneds you live and you learn. He sent me a picture of him a week after that and texted a little that say but I haven't heard from him since. I was so happy when I got the picture I thought maybe this is a sign and he might want to continue but I guess not. Oh well like he said you live and you learn. In all honesty if I found someone to accept me and understand the condition that I was attracted to I wouldn't feel so bad. I think right now it's about acceptance and love. I don't have painful sores or anything I think it's just the fact that I have it. I'm so happy that I can feel a little sad at times without being judged @HikingGirl I was talking to this guy that I met on a dating site for Hsv and he was just making me so mad because I'm sad. I have every right to feel sad. I know I'm not going to be this way forever but this is knew to me still. I have a lot to look forward too im a mother a nurse and I have a family that loves me so much. Thanks for the hugs @HikingGirl I really need them.

The guy that gave it to me "stealthed" me and then tried to tell me I gave it to him. I tried pressing charges but he was undiagnosed. I could have pressed assault charges for stealthing me but decided it wasn't worth it. I just blocked him and did as much research as possible to learn about H.