Disclosing after sex. Should I? I don't know what to do, I'm lost..

Hi everyone, so I got myself into a pretty awkward (and possibly immoral) situation. I was diagnosed with HSV2 5 months ago and since then I've felt like my life is over..like my years of promiscuous sexual encounters had finally giving me the punishment I deserved..So I was not sure who had infected me since I slept with 2 partners during a short time frame, but I broke the news to both, and found out who it was. He hadn't known he had it but he also got an outbreak around the same time as me and tested positive. And the other guy surprisingly took it very well and helped me feel like everything was going to be okay and that I am lovable..we ended up becoming more than friends.

Anyway, 4 months later we broke up..sadly. And not long after that I met someone at a party and had (protected sex) in the bathroom (I know, gross). We were both drunk and in the heat of the moment I didn't know whether to say anything because the chances of him getting it were super low since we used a condom and I take antiviral medication. But I know what I did was wrong and very irresponsible. Since then he actually called me and we have been on several dates (and had sex another time too! ugh..I feel terrible), but now we haven't spoken in two weeks and I don't know whether to just forget about him and the fact that I didn't disclose this important information or to call him up and continue dating..I do like the guy, but not so much that I would want a serious relationship with him (because he's too in love with himself and doesn't last more than 10 min in the sack), it would be nice to see him again though..we have fun together and there is chemistry (he's super hot and smells amazing). But I don't even know if he will call me again..I really don't even know if I can trust this person..I don't feel close enough to tell him about my herpes. Heck, I haven't even told my best friend (only my mom, doctor, and the two sexual partners I mentioned). So I really don't know what to do, I'm 99,9% sure I did not give him herpes since I was not symptomatic, we used a condom, there was no oral sex, and the sex was very quick.. I just don't know what to do..this is eating me up inside and the stress caused me to have a mild outbreak (reason why I avoided texting him). I can't just suddenly tell him I don't want to have any more sex until we've gotten to know each other better, that wouldn't make any sense and he'll probably think something is weird and want to know what's going on. But I don't think I can just forget about it..I'm drowning in despair here..somebody please help.

He deserves to know. I was on the other side of this and got the excuse that "it's a awkward conversation to have and then it was too late" - everyone is worthy of disclosure, even if it's after the fact. Arm yourself with facts and statistics when you tell him, but do tell him. You've put him at risk, even if it is very small. And could be putting others at risk too.

Sorry to be blunt about it, but suck it up. If my guy hadn't been so cowardly about it, I might not be in the situation I am now.

I agree. You should tell him. Would you even have posed the question if you didn't know what the answer is?

You are right that the chance it passed is really low, so when he tests negative 16 weeks from now you'll be relieved you did the right thing. Don't slip up again.

I think the biggest reason here to tell the guy is that you just said it's eating you up inside. He probably will not react well. You probably won't have one last fun roll in the hay before parting ways. You also *probably* didn't give him herpes, but some of us *did* get herpes from brief, condom-wrapped encounters much like you described, so be sure you're willing to be on the losing end of those odds if that's going to be your strategy in the future.

Around 80% of the population has HSV1 and up to 25% of the population has HSV2. 1 in 5 people have HSV, and up to 90% of those people don't know they have it because they get little or no symptoms. Often doctors don't include herpes in STD screenings because it's not a big deal to them. So you begin to get that it's a non issue, it really is.

Let it go and move on

You used a condom, you were on antivirals, the risk is extremely small...hopefully you learned a lesson