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Poll regarding forgiveness


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Just curious to hear from others. If you know the person who gave you HSV, have you forgiven them? Did they disclose beforehand? Did they know even know their status? If you have forgiven them, how long did it take?

 

I'll start. I do know. He did not disclose but did know his status. I have forgiven him. It didn't take long but it wasn't easy. I had to let go of the contempt I was holding for my own sake.

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I'd like to add a couple more pertinent questions. If they did not disclose, did they admit after? Are you close to the person?

 

I have not forgiven my giver (happened in October). I am not sure if she knew because she hasn't admitted it. I think she did know, though. I'd like to forgive her but I am having trouble with it. It's also more difficult because I don't see her. She's someone I only know a little, it's not like we run into each other. I don't hate her though, or hold ill will.

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Good point, @JeffH - mine did admit after some pressing. He actually stood up and took responsibility. Offered to cover my medical expenses and go to therapy. I haven't taken him up on either. We actually had a conversation forgiveness (not just for HSV but in general) recently which is what prompted this discussion.

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I'm not sure what you mean by forgive. I've accepted that we were two consenting adults and that I am as much to blame as she is. I'm more disappointed than anything. It's funny how our culture makes a libertine lifestyle seem so easy, without consequence. What I've learned is that the fundamentals of good judgment that go back generations still apply. I exercised poor judgment.

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I have. He didn't know. Also he has oral HSV-1 and gave me genital HSV-1. He was tested beforehand, but we now know they don't test for it as a standard procedure.

 

He was in denial before he got tested for a few days, but as he knew I was a Virgin before him, he really had no place to go with that. That's what I had to forgive him.for, the fact that he was kind of saying I probably got it somewhere Else as he was clean and tested. Then both of our tests came back as HSV-1 and he realised it was him. But I was upset because he basically suspected me of lying about being a virgin. But I forgave him because we all go through stages of groef when faces with illness or negative experiences and he manned up within a few days.

 

I'm just hoping he Will keep telling People for future contaminations. Pretty sure he doesn't.

 

I have told everyone since my contaminations, and not a single has been negative about it. But I don't want to have to explain afterwards of pretend I didn't know. Especially because I am taking suppressive aciclovir to try to protect my boyfriend.

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Just realised my last paragraph is making it sound like I am still sleeping with others while having a boyfriend. I meant that I have slept with 2 people - whom I had informed well before having sex - and then after being single again, started dating my Bf, whom I am in a committed relationship with, and taking aciclovir to try prevent contamination.

 

Just to be clear

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I don't know when I contracted HSV2 or who I contracted it from. I know that statistically it is much more likely the person who transmitted it to me was unaware of their status than aware of their status, so I don't feel betrayed. I can see how it would feel different under other circumstances so I'm grateful to not know the details.

 

I don't have any negative feelings associated with contracting HSV, though the stigma bothers me. My feeling is that I would have to have lived my life an entirely different way to prioritize protecting myself from HSV, and that type of life does not appeal to me. Whether I contracted it the very first time I had sex or decades into having sex, from a hookup, a boyfriend or a husband, I would not have wanted to erase my sexual history to avoid HSV. It isn't possible to just pluck out one experience, whenever it was. That's not how risk works. I've had the freedom of loving and lusting after people regardless of their HSV status and here I am, HSV1-, HSV2+. That's just how the risk played out for me. I wouldn't want to erase the experiences that led me here, so I accept how those experiences affected me.

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I can only assume at this point when I got it and from who, but....I will be haunted by the question of who it really was,because I was not officially diagnosed until last August

Does it matter?

Nope

Would I like to know definitely....yes

Would I forgive if they knew before sleeping with me? I can't answer that, I would hope so, but would be scorned

I don't think whoever it was knew

I'm severely disappointed it's not part of the standard std panel

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I had sex with a man one day after almost a year of not having sex and had had symptoms almost immediately. I called my GYN freaking less than a week after because of the bumps. I had a culture and blood test done. I had negative results for blood but positive for culture for HSV-2. I tried contacting the guy but he blocked me on both facebook and his phone after I told him because he said he was getting back with his ex. So, to make sure he knew, I certified mailed my results to him as well as herpes information. I would never wish this on my worst enemy. I really hope he doesn't give it to her or anyone else. I am very angry and it comes and goes in waves. I will probably never really know if he knew he had it or not but it's hard to think about forgiving him. But by me sending what I sent to him I have peace of mind knowing that he does know.

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