Dealing with intimacy and body image issues

Since getting my diagnosis, I literally just stare at myself in the mirror and try to wrap my brain around how anyone would find me attractive now. My boyfriend brushed it all off and wants to have sex every 5 seconds and I'm just not ready. Honestly, I'm not sure I'll ever be ready. I feel like he's asking every minute and not respecting my wishes. I'm not sure how else to say I'm not ready. He doesn't understand that I'm asymptotic and that I have no idea if I'm having a "shedding day". He doesn't understand that I currently hate myself and I want to just crawl into a hole and stay there for the time being. I currently feel like my body is toxic and I don't want to expose him to anymore of this. I don't know. I don't know how to handle this situation. Any thoughts?

He's not going to fully understand unless he is diagnosed as well. Be honest with him about how you feel. He might be able to help, you never know. Every time a man looks at me my internal voice says, "You don't want me, I'm damaged goods." - so maybe your boyfriend can help you understand that you are not damaged and he still finds you attractive. If you're not ready, he should respect that. If he doesn't, then maybe he's not worth your affection.

If you're going to engage in a sexual relationship you should probably be taking antivirals daily to reduce the risk of shedding. Knowing that should help ease some of that burden you're carrying.

@SPATX919 my doctor didn't even want to give me antivirals. I actually had to ask him for it. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend gave me H because I was tested before we met and I was negative. I'm definitely feeling super self conscious and I know it's because I was recently diagnosed. I feel like taking the pills just to keep things at bay, but I keep reading conflicting things about it.

@Homewardxxbound has your boyfriend been tested? Is he willing to get tested? If he's brushing it off and not willing to get tested, I wonder if he already knew. I think it's worth a conversation with him about it.

I've also read about antivirals leaving your more susceptible to superbugs and I experienced some of the side effects from mine. Abdominal cramping, mostly. Other symptoms could be attributed to my body fighting the virus. So I can understand your hesitation. If your boyfriend is positive, you are both asymptomatic and monogamous, there's probably no need for the pills. Keep them in the event of an OB but it's not like you need to worry about giving him something he already has.

@SPATX919 I don't think he knew. I think he may have thought it was something else like dry skin. I asked him to go but he won't so I'm not going to push it. I filled the prescription just to have. I figure if I do have an OB I'll just take them. I did make sure to call him immediately when I found out. He had the right to know. At least I just spit it out. I know people are saying how difficult it can be to tell people. Not gonna lie, I was sweating and covered in hives when I told him haha.