Repercussions of being open and honest

I was diagnosed with hsv2 a couple months ago. I'm asymptomatic and have not passed it to anyone. I contracted it sometime in the past 10 months, but I'm unsure from who. Anyway, I disclosed to a couple of men I had dated during the time before my diagnosis, one said he'd get tested, he then said I was to never call or text him again. I took care of that by blocking his number and deleting his contact info. The other guy said he'd get tested and that we take risks in our life and have to deal with the consequences. He and I still talk, but not like before.

I've decided to get back out and date. I have disclosed my infection to 2 guys, both of which freaked out. One guy said he couldn't risk his future health for me, the other didn't know much about it and wants to do research first. That disclosure came as things were heating up between us. I wanted to be up front and honest with him. Let's just say things cooled off immediately and he soon left like he had left his oven on or something.

I know it's the responsible thing to do and I'm an honest woman, but this sucks. I hate thinking every man I tell will suddenly think of me having something akin to leprose. It really sucks and is making me lose hope. Dating's hard enough as a single divorced mom in her 40s without throwing this stupid disease in the mix.

Mishabones: There are men that are okay with it. I have only told 2 but neither one freaked out...however I waited almost 2 mos (maybe 6 weeks...or so) to tell both. I know it might seem like a long time to wait and probably not everyone agrees with that, but I also pay for dates (along with the men paying), and make it clear to a man that I am dating and do not want to feel obligated, and don't want him to feel cheated if things don't work out. That sort of relieves pressure to have sex because he has been wining (sp?) and dining you AND it gives you time to get to know each other well enough to have the talk. I have been on several dates with men and then did not feel comfortable that they would accept my issue, so I just broke things off. I am not sure that is totally healthy either...but I am still learning how to date with this. Maybe go on a H dating site, I think it will give you confidence and then you can decide if you want to get back out there. Hope that helps a little. I do agree, it is hard enough dating these days...

Its not a big deal to alot of people but I do agree that if you aren't having sex you may wait until you know the next guy better. You may find after a month or two he isn't the kind of person who you need in your life hell you may not even like them that much. If grown ass men are running because of herpes what happens if you get an actual serious disease as you both grow older ? Waiting is not a bad thing to do if you arent having sex

The fact is that HSV is not a big deal. It only becomes an issue to the misinformed. Considering around 1 in 5 have HSV and of those up to 90% don't know they have it because they have little or no symptoms and that often doctors don't include HSV in STD screenings, this should tell you it's nothing. It angers me that something so minor can cause such panic and ignorance. Remember this, there are 8 types of herpes and everyone has at least 1, more likely at least 3.

Unfortunately it is the moral right thing to do, disclose. However, I would not blame anyone for walking...I am honest with myself, and know, that if I didn't have it, I wouldn't want it. Like it or not, it's life long and incurable....some experience nothing to mild symptoms, others painful breakouts. I have found that if there is a strong emotional connection the other is more accepting...some really don't care, take the chance and proceed with a good time.

You did the right thing!!!!!

Unfortunately it is the moral right thing to do, disclose.

But is it really? Wouldn't the more moral thing be that anyone wanting to kiss or have sex with someone first get tested and share the results with the potential partner. But people don't do that, do they? It angers me that those knowingly that have the virus, must to endure discloser and possible traumatic rejection. Especially when herpes is such a non issue. Ignorance and fear seems to overrun common sense about this topic.