How to deal with your diagnosis

I have recently been diagnosed with this virus and I just wanted to know how everyone dealt with theinotial shock. I immediately told my boyfriend I tested positive and I'm pretty sure he gave it to me. Besides him, I told my mom and she has been nothing but supportive and spending her down time doing research. Honestly, I'm feeling really depressed. I always thought I was being safe by using a condom. I just have a huge mix of emotions. Anger, frustration, guilt. I don't know who to turn to. My doctor had no compassion. Instead of giving me options he told me that I was an asymptomatic carrier and that I just needed to use a condom :-l I guess I just need someone to vent to who is in the same situation as myself.

I am still in shock as well- I found out 2 days ago- my anxiety is so horrible- I don't know how life is going to go on

@gem8516 I don't even know how to process it. I know life isn't over but right now it feels that way. I've been crying on and off for two days. I'm sending love and hugs your way. I know you need it just as much as I do <3

How old are you? Where are you from? I would like to talk if you are open to making a new friend

I'm 29 and from New Jersey. How about you?? And absolutely!

I dealt with the initial shock by crying most days for a couple of months and withdrawing from people and activities I loved for about 8 months. I don't recommend that route! :-) I also got herpes from one of a few partners I always used condoms with. I was really mad at myself "for not knowing better" for a long time. Time eventually helped me to forgive myself.

Things I found most helpful were letting myself grieve even if I didn't want to, eventually seeing a therapist, learning everything I could about herpes, and developing new healthy habits like meditation, journaling, and exercise. The two books on my nightstand all this time was "I Thought it Was Just Me (but it isn't)" by Brene Brown and "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron.

The initial diagnosis is a really tough blow for most of us. But with time you'll hear from a lot of people on these forums that have moved past it and are living happy and fulfilling lives. Be kind to yourself! {{hugs}}

@HikingGirl I'm still trying to wrap my head around my boyfriends reaction. He's acting like a I have a cold and that's just it. The whole thing is just odd to me. Reading everyone's stories has really been helping me a lot. I still have a lot of questions and I'm not sure who to turn to. Do I go to my gyno or my dermatologist. I think the worst part is that since I've never had an OB, how will I know when it's okay for me to be intimate with someone. I really appreciate your response. I felt really weird posting. Thank you so much for the encouragement <3 ::hugs::

I think the gyno is a good place to start. Sadly, many docs are not well educated about herpes. Feel free to ask questions in this forum. There's a wealth of knowledge and experience here!

Terri Warren's herpes handbook is a good resource for basic information. (https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/). I highly recommend her full book. Outbreaks or not, there is always a possibility of transmission. Even with condoms. That was probably the hardest pill for me to swallow...the uncertainty and lack of control. We humans don't like either of those things too much.

Did your boyfriend say whether he had ever tested positive for HSV?

@HikingGirl I literally just ordered her book lol. hea never been tested and when I called him to tell him everything he freaked out (as usual) and said it's impossible. I told him to go and he said it's on his list of things to do(which means it's never going to happen and I need to let it go). Yesterday he tells me that he hasn't had a cold sore in 11 years. I got tested before we met because of the boyfriend I had before(drugs and cheating). I was cleared of everything. I don't want to blame him. But I think he is being really stupid. He says if I have then he definitely has it and that's it. It doesn't matter and it's not a big deal. Right now I think it is a big deal. Maybe he has it and knew and never said anything or he just didn't know he had it. And right now I just want to take care of myself and make the necessary changes in order to be healthy and make myself feel like a human again. I'm so glad I stumbled across this site. I really hope that I can make some life long friends on here cause I really don't have anyone to talk with besides my mom. Unfortunately my friends are very judgmental and I couldn't talk about this with them. There was a mother book I ordered what the heck was it called. I know it's by Dr. Sheila Loanxon. It god good reviews

Do you know which type you have? I'm sorry you haven't received any empathy or support from him. I wish I could tell my sisters, but like your friends, they're pretty judgmental. It's so helpful to be on these forums and hear from others who have it too.

@HikingGirl I have hsv2. I've never had any outbreaks or symptoms of it. Which is odd considering I'm always stressed out and I have no idea what sleep is haha. I can't rely on my friends. They are like a bunch of old wash women. No secret is safe with them. How about you? Which type do you have?

I have both. Never had a cold sore and I'm 43. My outbreaks genitally were so mild I mistook them for yeast infections. I told one friend and she didn't react negatively, but wasn't supportive or empathetic either. It drives me NUTS that there are so many people feeling alone and needing support but the stigma is so strong no one wants to talk about it!

I meant to add, when you were tested last, do you know for a fact you were tested for HSV? Most doctors don't include it when you ask for an STD panel.

@HikingGirl I know! I just turned 29 and I never thought it would happen to me, but it did. I've having a lot of issues for the past two years. From bladder infections, to stones, to yeast infections. So I know the pain. I was getting yeast infections so often that I had them test me for hiv several times. I think my mom being there when they called with my results helped. It lifted a weight off of my shoulders. I get anxiety just thinking about how I would have told her. I'm so lucky to have her. She's in mom mode and has been non stop researching. I told her there is no cure and that I appreciate everything she is doing. That we just need to deal with it. I'm glad I can talk to her but at the same time it's frustrating because she doesn't understand where I am coming from. I'm just really happy that I found this little place with wonderful people who get it. It's making the process a lot easier. I feel bad because I just joined, but I just want to keep posting things and seeing what other people think. It's like my little blog.

Post away! I'm convinced far more people read than post. You never know how your own thoughts and experiences might help someone else. I'm so glad your mom is supportive. What a blessing for you!

@HikingGirl it's really funny that you ask because two of my doctors wouldn't do the test. I acuwent to my pc and told him I wanted it and he wrote the script for it. Because I showed no visible symptoms they figured I was fine.

That's just crazy. Good for you for continuing your search for someone who would test. (And then there's the opposite end of the spectrum.....me casually asking for an STI panel since I was recently divorced but not having any issues, and my healthcare provider tested for it.)

@HikingGirl I don't understand why they don't make it part of the panel. It would save so many people from hurt and frustration. people need to be educated. I don't know about you, but I was always told that if I wear a condom I would be okay. I feel a little stupid now

I did too. 80's sex education was all about how condoms protected you. I got herpes from a partner who was using a condom. God, that pissed me off. Took a long time to forgive myself for not knowing. Not only did I not know, most people still don't know. I did the best I could with the information I had.

@HikingGirl there's gotta be a way to change all of this. People need to know. I mean it's too late for all of us here, but thinking about my friends kids growing up and getting incorrect information is terrifying.

Also ladies...people are just passing it around without knowing. And yes, people do read without commenting, I think we're processing. HikingGirl you're so special for supporting. You're a blessing.

@Feli71 all the more for people to get tested. I was terrified to ask questions on here, but I had to get over it. I want to know everything possible and I want to hear people's stories. I think that's my way of coping. It's nice having people to turn to on here, considering how scary it is at first. I'm going to keep saying it. So glad I found this little corner of the Internet!