So now I'm having a shitty day

So I'm the one who's had conflicting hsv test results - a pos, two negs, and then a pos over several years. The infectious disease doc thinks I do have hsv but that my antibody titer was probably so low as to be undetectable when I had the neg tests. I finally got him to get me a western blot test and i'm waiting for the results. never really had symptoms, just occasional "paper cuts" that were pcr swabbed but came out negative so I attributed them to random things my body did. until today, when i checked what I thought was a paper cut just by the way it felt and saw that i had what looked like two white head pimples in my vaginal lips. i burst into tears. I guess this really does mean that I have it. I was preparing myself, thinking that I had it, but perhaps was mostly asymptomatic until I saw these pimple like things and I guess that's when the reality hit me. I was maybe sort of hoping that there was the tiniest of possibilities that I didn't have it. The last guy I dated broke up with me once he found out that my test was positive. life is just sucking right now. just one more layer of bullshit to deal with when dating. what does this mean for my dating life? when i got the first pos result years ago, I was mostly concerned about what it would mean for my sex life bc I wasn't interesting in relationships. not so much into the one night stands anymore, but you know, maybe once in a while I want to get with someone for a brief night. most people probably won't risk the stigma just for one night of fun. and then you think you meet a great guy only to have him run away in fear once he finds out you have herpes. why is life challenging me like this?

I'm really sorry you've been through the ringer with all of this testing, @Abby2017. The ups and downs and uncertainty of it all sounds really stressful and overwhelming. I'm glad you were able to have the western blot done. You deserve a clear diagnosis!

While you're waiting on the test results, head over to the herpes talk success stories category and read a bit. Even in the last week or so there have been some really positive and encouraging stories that others have shared. Not everyone will be okay with herpes, but we know from the experiences of others here that not everyone is scared off by it either (thank god!). :-) {{hugs}}

Thank you for your support. I was pretty upset but feel calmer now although I'm still processing. And I got my pcr swab results back today and it was positive. I'm still waiting on the western blot results but a positive pcr seems pretty definitive. At least it seems like this long-standing mystery is finally over.

@Abby2017 Hey I'm glad to hear you're doing a little better. I was recently diagnosed and felt the initial shock was one of the worst parts, beside the outbreak. I had similar concerns about sex like you do and I recently found this post about successfully having casual sex with being hsv2 positive and disclosing. the post is called "2 year update - successful dating/casual sex in NYC" and @NothingGoodGetsAway talks about her success. its truly great to hear you can live a normal dating life and that this diagnosis is just that, a diagnosis and we can all have great sex and dating lives. Hope you're doing well.