Questions: Can I kiss? Can people drink after me? How do I know if I'm shedding?

I was diagnosed with HSV 1 & 2 yesterday, approximately 10 minutes after my successful job interview. I have not been sexually active in 3 months and am scared that I might have HIV as well. My test came back negative for it but my doctor told me it could take up to 6 months for it to show. I am devastated. I always use protection and I choose my sexual partners carefully. I have only had four in my lifetime, and I am 22. I have been sexually active with the same person for a year or so now. She has had no symptoms and I believe her. I got called back for a second interview, did well and got the job. I should be ecstatic because this is a great opportunity for me, but I am indifferent. I am so focused on the fact that I tested positive for 1 & 2, and I might have HIV. She has not been tested yet, but she is aware. I feel so lost, so overwhelmed. I know my situation could be worse, but I truly feel like yesterday was the worst day of my life. I am 22 years old and scared out of my mind. I don't know what this means for my future. Can people drink after me? Can I kiss a girl? Will they get # 2 if that happens? How do you know your shedding if it's asymptomatic? Please anyone who has answers or support, please, please comment. I am so worried about my future, I am truly scared and any help would be immensely appreciated.

First of all, congratulations on the new job. That should be your primary focus because stressing over this can only hurt you at this point. How were you diagnosed? Blood test or are you having an outbreak? Stress can trigger an outbreak. What makes you worried about HIV? HSV is transmitted skin-to-skin, HIV requires an exchange of fluids. If you've used protection, you're probably worried over nothing. When your partner is tested, have her get tested for HIV as well.

Start browsing through this forum. You're going to find people who have been living with this virus for a long time with the same quality of life of those without it. Some wth no symptoms or symptoms so mild they didn't even realize what it was. It's just a skin condition and considered sexually transmitted because of the location of infection. I was blindsided with my diagnosis just a month ago and this forum has helped me tremendously already.

I was diagnosed by blood. I'm going to find out about the numbers today. If she has HIV then I have it because we exchanged body fluids. I believe I got #2 from oral sex. I have never had any symptoms before. She told me she had a couple hard months of drugs and sex and I think I was before that but I don't know. And I told her she probably has #1 &2 and she said she wasn't worried. What the fuck. Who doesn't worry about news like that. Idk if it's because she's in shock or what but I'm worried.

And thank you for your reply. I truly appreciate any help I can get and anyone that will help me talk through this.

Welcome, @JudgmentFree. I, too, have both HSV1 and HSV2, and I well remember the feeling of sheer terror and panic when I was first diagnosed. You've found a great community full of a lot of information and support.

You'd think very few people have herpes because it's rarely talked about, but the truth is just the opposite. One of my favorite infographics (http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/) shows just how common it is by age group. Notice that the graphic separates how many people with HSV have no symptoms at all....80%! Unbelieveable as it sounds, it's uncommon to have obvious symptoms. Most with HSV either have no symptoms at all, or the symptoms are so mild that we mistook them for something else (for me, I thought the itching and occasional irritation I had were due to yeast infections). That's one of two reasons it's passed around so easily (1-people don't realize they have it and 2-it's usually not included in standard STD panels).

A fast and easy primer on the basics of the virus and how it works can be found here: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/

As you've learned, you can still get HSV even using a condom. I only had a handful of partners myself, but every guy used condoms up until I met my husband. The virus travels along nerve pathways and exits the body in microscopic tears in the skin (sometimes it creates a bigger lesion when it leaves the body--that's a visible outbreak). When it comes to genital herpes, the virus can shed (leave the body) anywhere in the boxer shorts region. That's why condoms help prevent transmission, but don't completely protect against it. There is no way to know when we're shedding. That's why it's asymptomatic. And yes, that's maddening because we don't have complete control over it!

(By the way, I didn't receive my diagnosis until after I divorced my now ex-husband, and was "lucky" enough that my healthcare provider included herpes when I asked to be tested for STDs. My ex later tested negative for both HSV1 and HSV2, and we were together for 16 years having unprotected sex--all the while I had no idea I had either virus. It still blows my mind he didn't get it from me, but it's possible.)

HSV is not reserved for the careless or promiscuous. The belief that you can avoid herpes by not sleeping with certain types of people is part of the stigma and it's false. You can get genital HSV during your very first sexual encounter (even without intercourse). The majority of Americans have oral HSV1, even if they never have a cold sore, and that's easily transmitted through kissing. It affects people of all age groups, races, genders, and varying socioeconomic status.

Since most people have oral HSV1 anyway, by all means, kiss often and enjoy every minute of it. (The exception here is that you shouldn't kiss someone who has an active cold sore.) You cannot transmit genital HSV2 through kissing. Same goes for drinking from the same cup.

Because you haven't had symptoms and don't have open sores to swab, there's no way to definitively know which virus (1 or 2) lives where (mouth or genitals). I have the exact same issue. However, it's worth knowing that HSV1 strongly prefers the mouth and HSV2 strongly prefers the genitals. (It's possible to have HSV2 in the mouth, although it's very very rare.). Statistically speaking, it's most likely that you have oral HSV1 and genital HSV2. (You can get genital HSV1 by receiving oral sex. I know it all gets confusing.....that's where the aforementioned handbook comes in really handy becaus it's explained well there.) There's always exceptions, but in all likelihood, you acquired HSV1 in your childhood and HSV2 from skin-to-skin genital contact. The chances you acquired genital HSV2 from receiving oral sex is so remote you'd probably have better odds with the lottery. :-)

I hope I haven't overwhelmed you with too much information. Your post just touched on a lot of differnt things. Try not to drive yourself crazy with the thought of HIV. Most of what we worry about never happens, and you can always cross that bridge later if you even have reason to.

You're not alone. Many of us here were also shocked to learn we have herpes. It's normal to feel that way and it's normal to experience the five stages of grief. It's also normal to feel totally overwhelmed with emotions and information and the physical pain of a primary outbreak. Having herpes is far from being the end of the world. You have so much to look forward to and enjoy....like your new job! Just know that's waiting for you on the other side of what you're experiencing right now. {{hugs}}

Welcome ;)

Those above me have done a great job answering your questions, so I do not have much more to add than my support...I also have hsv1 and 2, and my diagnosis day also rates top 10 most remembered devastating days. I want to say it get better with time, and for some it really does rather quickly, for me, it's taken a long time, warp years I think to deal with my diagnosis.

As far as your hiv concern, I will admit, it is also a fear of mine too...you get hit with all these stds and you think wtf and who the fuck did I come in contact with??? Or at least I did.

Try to keep your faith strong, everything happens for a reason, even though we don't know what that reason is.

Good luck and many hugs !!

@Dave

What is that pic for ?

You got the WTF look out of me lol

It's a YouTube video link Bambina3, you should watch it.