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I feel like I should wear a sign on my forehead: "I have herpes"


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I've always been super confident... when will that come back?

I don't even want to be around anyone, I feel like a liar if someone checks me out. I feel like I should automatically let people know but of course I don't want to do that so I rather hide. I haven't left my home, haven't ate, barely sleep and if I do I dream about this. I don't dare get ready because I feel like a liar to look good, for what I think to myself. I go back to work tomorrow for the first time since I found out. I don't know how to act with myself or around people. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever been through.

Who will ever accept me like this?

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Truthfully, your current state won't make you very attractive to anyone. And that's okay!! The way you feel now won't last forever. I used to feel unworthy to talk to strangers. For months, herpes was the first thing I thought of in the morning, and the last thing I thought of at night. My co-workers kept asking why I was always crying. It's awful, and I wish I could make everything better for you.

 

I can only recommend what worked for me, although your experience may differ. Take this time to (a) fully experience the negative emotions and go through the grieving process, (b) learn everything you can about HSV, © take care of the basics (adequate sleep, healthy foods, exercise), (d) find someone you can talk to about it who's really good at listening and being empathic--a therapist is great for this, and then (e) get back to the land of the living and start doing all of the things you used to enjoy before your diagnosis.

 

When we categorize an experience or event as the hardest thing we've been through (and for me, it was herpes too), it usually means there's an opportunity to come out the other side a stronger, happier, more confident individual. Hang in there through this miserable part of the healing process. {{hugs}}

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  • 2 weeks later...

Please remember that it's a skin rash. It's a common thing too. I learned that here and it's really true! Some of the folks you will encounter every day have exactly the same thing you do.

 

You are still that sexy, confident person. It's just a part of the early reaction. Treat yourself to something that makes you feel good again. Not food, something fun like a new lipstick or a pretty top. Your sexy will return... In the meantime just go easy on yourself, and be sure to dress nicely just for your own pleasure. You deserve to look and feel good. This rash isn't you, it's just a medical condition.

 

Just give yourself some time to heal emotionally along with the physical. I'm only a few months out from diagnosis, and I feel so much better now! I'm eating right, and trying to exercise and be good to myself. I have decided to let the baggage of the stigma go by the wayside. The rash will eventually subside and you can help that happen by being good to yourself and taking this time to learn what makes you happy. It's really the small things! Give yourself a hug and remember that this is just a moment. It's not going to always feel this way. You will get better and you can help it by doing good things for yourself. Try really hard to find just one good thing a day and be grateful for that one thing. Small steps will move you forward in a big way.

 

I wish you a good day back at work. It will get better.

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@BoxerGirl and @Feli71--I felt the same way. It took a few sessions with a therapist to realize that I had a few big beliefs I learned in my childhood were still affecting me in the present, but I didn't realize it, because it was so ingrained. I grew up in a really religious household where perfection was the goal (never mind that it's totally realistic), you reap what you sow (guess no one bothered to mention that bad things happen to good people), and I was deathly afraid of being judged by anyone. Boy, let me tell ya'......ever since my therapist mentioned them, even eight months later I see constant evidence of it as I'm frequently catching myself reverting back to those beliefs.

 

It wasn't until I took a shame resilience class earlier this year, when I realized ***EVERYONE*** feels shame about something (usually many things), it made me realize that not only was I not alone, but I was just as worthy as the stranger standing next to me. What you're feeling now is very normal and part of the healing process. {{hugs}}

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@BoxerGirl, the one I took I found quite by accident. It was hosted by a counseling office and given a different name. (I live in Utah, in case anyone else is local and interested--I know they run the class continually.)

 

The curriculum was developed by Brene Brown, a social work professor in Texas (she has authored several books and given a couple of wildly popular TED talks). There's no mention of it on her website that I could find, but the handouts from the class (which was less than 10 women and more like guided group therapy) referenced "Connections: A 12-Session Psychoeducational Shame-Resilience Curriculum". If you can't find a class, I'd still highly recommend her book, "I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't)". (Reallly, all her books are fabulous, but that's the one focused solely on shame.) But the in-person experience with other real women was profoundly healing for me.

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  • 3 weeks later...

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