I was rejected because of herpes and i'm devastated

I have just found out I have hsv2-genital herpes last Thursday. i am a 42 year old single mother of 2. The timing couldn't have been worse-this timing of finding out i have herpes 2, because just 4 days earlier i reconciled with an ex of mine from 5 years ago and we were talking marriage and living together. My entire life I've been beaten and left by men, including an ex husband, had to go through endless cancer testing (didn't have it but have fibromyalgia and thyroid issues) and now i finally had the chance of happiness with a man who would not have screwed me over or left me because 5 years ago i was the one to end things and we kept in touch for 5 years. This was the one guy who i liked that would not have left me. We were talking serious so i knew i had to tell him about what i just found out, that i had herpes 2. I told him over the phone Saturday night, because I wanted to let him know if things were getting serious, and I am an honest loving person. It was so hard. He said we'd work through this and he said it'd be okay but i know he was still concerned. I know something is off. He did text me Sunday first because i was going to see if he was still going to talk to me. So he did but i don't know, i felt something weird and when i posted a Facebook pic, he always comments and likes, always, but he didn't. I haven't heard from him yet today. I know, i feel it in my gut, being a female and all, my intuition, that he doesn't want me anymore. Finally, after all the pain in my life i found someone who wanted to marry me and be with me and who i loved back who wouldn’t leave me like everyone else, and then this happened. Then I find out I have this and I am honest. I tell him and now i’m not good enough. I’m left again, I’m tarnished. I’m not that sexual being and wonderful girl he thought of as before. I know it’s his decision and I have to respect that. Nobody wants herpes. I know he doesn’t want a disease. I know, but honestly I would accept someone no matter what, if they had herpes, no matter what they had, for better or worse, because I am just like that. I would love someone for the whole package no matter what it brings. I am a very loving person with a big heart. Now the one guy I had a chance with to finally have happiness in my life, it’s ruined because of herpes. I messed up because I was with someone before or 2 people, even with protection, but 2 people that I shouldn't have been with because they've ruined my new chance at happiness with this guy. I messed up. After all my heartache and death scares and abuse and abandonment in my life now I have to go through this and I can’t do it. I can’t. i can't deal with another broken heart. life has broken my heart, guys have broken my heart. Now this guy, the guy who could have been the love of my life is breaking my heart. Not again, I don’t know what to do. I’m so sad. please help me.

Sadie,

Hang in there, love! I'm newly diagnosed and I understand completely! The right person WILL not leave you for any reason. Be with someone who believes "In sickness and in health"!!! Everyone in life faces adversity. You need someone who will stick by you unconditionally!

Hang in there,

Xoxo

thank u very much for your kind words. that is what i believe. i would accept someone unconditionally too but my heart-i can't stop it from breaking right now. you r so right but i wish this pain would go away.

@sadie...this is very unfortunate! Firstly, getting H even using protection. You will come to a good place with this at some point. Also, this guy may just need some time. My first disclosure was a bit uncomfortable as the guy said "well, that's something to think about." Two weeks later he said he handled that totally wrong and we ended up dating. You can see my veteran story in the veterans category. You can live a very normal life. I promise!!!

@katidid thank u so much. well, he did send me a heart text an hour ago and i didn't text him before or anything but i'm still scared. just scared he's not into it or that he will disappear. it's just this really scary and painful thing. I don't know quite how to get a hold on it emotionally no matter what he decides

His job, if he elects to go forward is to learn all he can about this and to comfort you ....put your mind at ease, etc. Let's see what happens.

I know it’s his decision and I have to respect that. Nobody wants herpes. I know he doesn’t want a disease. I know, but honestly I would accept someone no matter what, if they had herpes, no matter what they had, for better or worse, because I am just like that. I would love someone for the whole package no matter what it brings.

Hi, @sadie, and welcome. You deserve to be with someone who will also accept the "whole package." Keep in mind that if your diagnosis is a lot for you to process, he may need time to process it too. On the flip side, there is a reason you broke it off with him years ago. It's worth revisiting that when you're feeling down on yourself!

Do not believe for a minute that you've lost any chance at happiness. There are no guarantees that this guy or any other would not leave you. I didn't think my ex-husband would ever leave! It is precisely because you survived previous challenges that you will handle this new challenge and be a better person for it. In time, I hope you'll come to forgive yourself for not knowing about HSV just like most of us here and elsewhere just didn't know. You deserve every happiness and that happiness must come from within--not from the men who are in or out of your life. We are here to offer support and answer questions if you need. {{{hugs}}}

Sadie, I have been in you position and know how you feel I promise. A few years ago I meet someone through a dating site and we had the best first date I've ever had. A few days later I told him of my situation and while he took it OK you can tell he was definitely surprised. When I left him a few hours later he basically told me he needed some time to think and do some research. That was before I found this site or I would have led him here. We continued to talk on the phone and text after that but I could tell things had changed. His calls/texts got fewer and longer in between yet he still said he was interested and needed time. About then a few weeks went by with me not hearing anything from him and I pretty much gave up and put my profile back up. Within days Someone else contacted me who knew my condition right from the start. I put my condition right in my profile so I never had to worry about having the "talk". New guy and I hit it off right away and we decided to get married. The previous guy did get a hold of me but by then I was with new guy so he didn't call back after that.

New guy and I were together for 18 months when he basically left me for someone else. I put my profile back up and within 2 hours the first guy got back a hold of me. Since at that point I had moved to another state we talked on the phone for about 6 weeks reconnecting. I have been back now since new years of this year and we are still together. He came to grips with my condition (GHSV2) and we've never looked back. I'm on antivirals and we don't use condoms either. He knows the risks and is Ok with them. I really feel like we have a good chance of a future, I'm 49 and he's 48 BTW.

I think what I'm trying to say here is that from what I can tell it's only been a few days since you told him. Guys process things different differently then women do so don't give up hope yet. Send him the links to this site and hopefully he will take the time to enlighten himself. My guy came to his senses to late and regretted it but by a stroke of luck he got a second chance :). Give your guy some time and see what happens. If it doesn't work out though I promise you'll be OK.

@sadie, it sounds like he hasn't actually told you he doesn't want you anymore. It seems you are making a lot of assumptions. If you go back to some of my first posts, I told a guy I was into and had already been with. He took 3 weeks then was back. We didn't end up together, but it had nothing to do with herpes. And I am here to tell you, you are not this disease and you are that sexual being and wonderful woman! If he comes back that he can't accept it, then he didn't deserve you. You say you would accept and love someone else with it, but you don't think you deserve the same acceptance and love? I know this hurts right now especially with your history. But please know you are worthy! In fact, if you haven't already, please go read my latest post, "you are worthy." Print it out and tape it to your mirror, carry it in your purse. Say it out loud to yourself even though you may feel ridiculous. Your brain will start to believe it. Don't give up. You are not tarnished. You are still you and you ARE worthy of love and happiness.