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Newly diagnosed. How to deal emotionally. I'm a mess (advice or support?)


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After having symptoms for the first time last week, I was diagnosed with gHSV-1 about 5 days ago. Initially I was in shock the first day or two.

 

The second day I gathered my thoughts, and called the doctor back to ask every question i had and get as much info as possible. I also confronted my partner (who I know I got it from) and he doesn't seem shocked, concerned, or apologetic in any way. I also think part of him knew he had this. (This is a guy I had been sleeping with for 6-7 months, a friends with benefits type thing. Slept with him only for these past months and never had an issue before him.)

 

 

Day 3 I was more calm in some ways, but still very anxious. I confided in my closest friends, and felt better at the end of the day.

 

Day 4 I started to feel some anger towards my partner (whom I had not communicated with since day 2), but also thought I was coming to terms with the fact I have herpes.Near the end of the day I felt empowered. I went to the gym and was just in a better mood

 

Today is day 5 and I'm incredibly emotional. I've been on the edge of tears all day and incredibly sad, confused and angry at once. Im feeling super anxious and unmotivated. I've been in my room in bed for hours since I got home from work. I've been crying a lot and avoiding interacting with anyone, but at the same time need someone to talk to. I don't know what to do.

 

 

Is this normal? Is this side effects from the valacyclovir? Is it a combination or something else?

 

I feel alone and I'm scared of being alone. I don't want this to change my life. I feel like no one will want me.

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I know exactly what you're going through, you're not alone!!

 

Look up Ella Dawson's ted talk and Dr. Kelly at pinktent.com, you get a free hour long phone call with her, I had mine yesterday and she really helped me!!! You're going to get through this!!! It's really not the end of the world!!!

 

Xoxo

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Hi, @kaygee, and welcome. What you're feeling is absolutely normal. For many people, it takes time to process something like this and they go through the stages of grief. I found it really helpful to give myself permission to be sad, angry, confused, scared, etc. So it's definitely normal and healthy to feel these things for a period of time. It's just not healthy to unpack and live there forever. :-)

 

Herpes tends to bring a lot of old issues to the surface....issues and emotions perhaps we tried to suppress or ignore over the years. Some people move on pretty quickly, and others (like myself) may need to spend some time with a therapist. I found that the friends I told just couldn't--for whatever reason--be a source of understanding, strength or even just listening.

 

Learning everything you can about HSV will really help you to shift your perspective away from the absurd and outrageous stigma we're all surrounded by. I can't change what others think, but I sure as hell can change what I think--about herpes, about myself, and about what I want for my life. Knowledge is power. I really enjoyed Terri Warren's book (available on Kindle) and several of the sites regularly mentioned on these forums.

 

Meanwhile, while you're making progress with coming to terms with HSV, be kind to yourself. Outside of some therapy and many hours reading on this forum, I credit my sanity and positive outlook today with a lot of regular exercise, eating better, journaling, meditating, hot baths, my golden retriever, a consistent gratitude practice, reading, etc.

 

In my humble opinion, the best antidote to feeling like no one will want me, aside from reading the awesome success stories on this forum, is learning to really love myself and putting that into practice. Because frankly, I doubt anyone worth being with would want me unless I loved myself first.

 

I vividly remember how I felt in the days and weeks after my diagnosis (a full seven months, to be honest), and it was the most painful experience of my life so far (I'm 43). I cried all the time, I didn't feel worthy talking to strangers, and herpes consumed my thoughts from the moment I woke up until my head hit the pillow at night. Today (14 months later), I can honestly say I would not trade the person I am now for a magical cure. I am stronger, more confident and more hopeful now than ever. {{{hugs}}}

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