Good Life with Major Changes

Hi Everyone!

I guess my story could begin at the end. My marriage of 27 yrs is apparently over. (My second consult with attorney is tomorrow) I am 55 and about to start over. I'm scared, excited and keeping a positive attitude. However, I have not dated with herpes before. My husband had herpes when we married and because I thought I would be with him for a lifetime, I stupidly did not use precautions. Within less than a year of marriage, I contracted it. It was a horrible experience to say the least. The OBs came less and less often and though each one was very painful, within a couple of years, they were only coming once or twice a year. THEN about 10 years or so ago I started having them more and more often. After a year or two, my MD put me on valcyclovir daily and I have not had any outbreaks (that I know of) since that time. I am not even SURE if I have type I or II, but my husband only ever had it on his genitals (but not even there after the first couple of years) and the same with me. We neither one ever had a cold sore. Now that our marriage is ending (after almost a year of ups and downs and me trying to decide if I wanted to end it while at the same time doing everything in my power to make things okay and help him with his problems. I am ready to face the future with an abundance of courage and at least enough confidence to get me through it. I just don't know how to conquer the dating dilemmas. I have not even so much as flirted with anyone else since he and I became serious. We enjoyed a healthy love life and it has always been an important part of my life. I don't want to consider living without intimacy. I think i could be okay without a life partner, spending my life pursing passions, causes and loving my children and grandchildren, but it is sad to think that I am losing so much physically. I am wondering if being on valcyclovir will make it unlikely that I pass this on, especially if protection is used? After this many years, am I shedding much less often? My first thought is that It will be emotionally easier to exclusively date Herpes Positive Single men. Thanks for listening to my story and allowing me to be a part of the community.

Welcome! Good for you for making a hard choice to end your marriage for a better future. The first thing I want to say is to put all notions that you can't have a fulfilling sex life out of your mind. There are plenty of men including herpes negative men that are completely ok with the risk. I was diagnosed about 8months after my separation and have had numerous partners that did not have a problem with it. I actually don't know for sure who I got it from, and really it doesn't matter. I'm still me.

I would encourage you to find out what type you have via igg blood test so you can fully understand what you are dealing with. Read over the educational materials on this site. Read the success stories and start telling yourself you are worth the risk. To someone, you are worth the risk. I hope you won't feel the need to marginalize yourself by only dating herpes positive men, but I can understand if that is easier to do at the moment. Just dip your toes into the dating pool. You don't have to share your status until you are ready. Good luck and we are here when you need us!

Thank you so much Turquoise. I appreciate the support. I'm sure if I hear enough of that kind of talk, I will gain more confidence. I will definitely look into the blood test. I thought my GYN might have it on record, but I was actually diagnosed many years ago by a "doc in a box" and remaining with the same partner meant that I didn't really need to know what type I had.