Healing through speaking shame - My Herpes Manifesto (Part 1 of 2)

[i did not expect to exceed the character limit! I've split this post into two parts, so feel free to skip if you're not in the mood for anything long right now.]

For the past 10 weeks, I've been attending a shame resilience workshop which I describe as part class and part group therapy (just women). The curriculum was designed by Brene Brown, a professor of social work, the author of several books, and the speaker of a couple of very popular TED talks. As crazy as it sounds, discussing shame and how to build same resilience within a safe environment was outrageously therapeutic since my HSV diagnosis just over a year ago. (Regardless of whether or not you see herpes as a big deal, my diagnosis was a huge deal to me because it touched some areas within me which were already struggling with self-love, and feeling worthy enough to be loved by others.) My life has been forever changed for having this experience.

The final homework assignment was to choose a topic I've felt shame around, to write about how it makes me feel, and then ask for what I need. I knew we were going to share our assignment with the group (always optional, but most people did). Although I hadn't mentioned herpes for the first nine weeks of the class, and in spite of feeling pretty darn good about life in the past few months, I knew I had to write about my diagnosis. I knew I needed to share it among people I had developed trust with.

Below is what I call--for lack of better words--my herpes manifesto. I was following a template provided by Brene Brown specifically for this assignment, so if parts of it sound canned, that's why. Parts of it describe how I felt when I was first diagnosed, and other parts are still very pertinent to how I feel today. I spent six consecutive evenings writing this out and cried my way through most of the presentation (which was just reading it to a group of six other women), but I left that evening feeling a sense of peace I have not felt in a very, very long time. I don't know if I'll ever share it with anyone else ever again, but sharing it last week was profoundly healing for me. Since this forum has also been a huge source of healing for me, I wanted to share it with you too.

-HG

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I want to share my feelings with you about being diagnosed with genital herpes, because I want you to understand my struggle. I know that it's an awkward topic to discuss and you may not know anything about herpes; there are times when even I don't fully understand it and have a hard time expressing myself. This struggle has provoked very intense feelings in me and I fear that my reactions to these feelings might be misunderstood. I hope my ability to cope and your ability to understand will improve as I share my feelings with you. I want you to understand what I've been experiencing.

[Continued in part 2]

Here's the link to Part 2 since the two posts are likely to get separated by time and it's too late to edit the original posts:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/8701/healing-through-speaking-shame-my-herpes-manifesto-part-2-of-2#latest