Likely the end of my love story

When I was 15, the most amazing guy came into my life. We became great friends. He eventually told me he was in love with me and as much as I did love him, I had a lot of emotional issues and couldnt tell him as my relationship with him meant more to me than anything.. We remained friends, married and divorced other people. Visited each other now and then even living states apart. At age 31 after the death of his second wife, I finally admitted I loved him. We took turns flying every other weekend to see the other and after about 5 months, I moved to live with him and we were married 8 months later. We have been married nearly 21 years, the last approx 10 years, I have suffered increasing clinical depression and thought I was controlling it because I could function ok at work. However, as a wife I had become withdrawn and distant. (He spent 3 of those years working overseas which also increased the depression as well as the distance between us emotionally) I did tell him 3 years ago when menopause got really bad and made the depression even worsethat when we had health ins again, I would get gelp for the depression and menopause. We got ins Dec 1, 2016 and I called the first week to make the appointment and my apt was Dec 28th. I knew we had grown apart and had started msking more of an effort to reconnect just after Halloween but hadnt made much progress. Things were harder as my daughter abd her husband were living with us which made it harder to really talk or connect. On Dec 24th, he informed me he wanted out of our marriage. A week later, he told me he had someone else he wanted to pursue a relationship with. A month later I asked him to move out after he said he liked my efforts and saw great origress since I started the meds, but it took too long and he felt there was little hope for us. I continued to work on myself as well as doing my best to make any time we spent together as fun and pleasant as possible. Over the next 6 weeks, we did have sex 5-6x when he came to visit. After the last time we gad sex, I thought I was getting a bladder infection and went to see the doc. My urine tested normsl so doc requested STD testing as he knew my husband was seeing someone else. I was shocked and pissed to come up positive for HSV2 (knew I woukd be Pos for HSV1 as I have gad cold sores since childhood) I told my husband we both thought it csme from him through her. She gave him some story about her employer requiring bloodwork annually and she opts for the additional STD testing each year as she is super health concious. (She has been married the last 10 years, no reason a married woman should need testing unless she knew she was at risk, but my husband "is the first one she ever cheated with") yeah, I know crock.... Husband never insisted on seeing her test results, just believed her. He did agree to get tested himself though and tested......... NEGATIVE. Which means I have to have been positive for over 21 years, never had symptoms nor passed it to my husband. I am still praying we can save our marriage, but with the test results, I have less hope. I feel like I am losing everything I have cherished all of my adult life. My best friend, my husband, and my health. Not to mention the feeling that not only will moving on at age 52 be difficult, doing so having to inform a potentisl oartner that I am HSV2 Pos will be impossible. Medication has taken care of the clinical depression and menopause symptoms, counselling has helped with the childhood emotional issues and I am in a position to be the wife I always wanted to be and my positive test results likely will remove the small bit of hope there was left to save a marriage to the most important person in my heart.

Which test did he test negative with? Couldn't it have been an early infection without enough antibodies yet, and or a false negative?

Not sure which test. However, the OW as well as her husband have also tested negative.

On a brighter note though, after 6 months separated. My husband chose 2 weeks ago to recommit to our marriage. He is not concerned about my test results as we had been together over 21 years without him contracting the virus from me when we did not know my status. He has cut all contact with the OW, moved back into the house and is attending marriage counselling with me.

I was devastated when I first got my results. Thanks to information I found on this site as well as a few friends who told me it wouldnt matter to them if their partner was pos and they loved them and were interested in a committed relationship. Even my husband was upset at first until he did some research and found just how common it really is. I also expected his parents to push for him not to reconcile if he ever seemed to be considering it, but instead have been thrilled with the news we are back together and never treated me differently.

I know that I'm late to the post, but that is great news @Parsley! I'm happy you guys are working on your marriage :)

Me too!!! So far things are better than they were when we were newlyweds.

That's amazing!! I'm so glad to hear that!