Could husband NOT get HSV2 in 21 years together?

I have only been recently tested pos for HSV 1&2. Originally thought for sure it was from my husbands recent affair but he swears she tested neg. (though has not seen actual test results) I am wondering how possible could it be that I could have been pos before we got married and never had any symptoms and him not to have gotten it in 21 years together? He gets his results tomorrow. I still think it is too coincidental that I never had any symptoms until 2 months after he started cheating on me.

I found out I'm positive for HSV1&2 a year ago, about a year after my divorce. I told my ex/husband and he tested negative for both. We were together for 16 years. I'm still shocked, but it's absolutely possible. In hindsight, I had symptoms, but very mild ones I attributed to yeast infections. It amazes me I had no idea for all those years!!

Sadly that does not make me feel better. We are currently separated due to him also seeing another married woman, but I have been trying to work on our marriage. Still suspect it came from her as only time ever to have symptoms just 2 months after he started sleeping with her. Though I also worry if I may have had it before since I have never been tested before. (My ex cheated on me with strippers!) I guess I just wait patiently for him to tell me his results. She told him she gets tested yearly "through her employer" and has always been neg. (Yeah, I see so many things wrong with that statement, but he believes her enough not to want to see actual oroof)

You are referring to your past x, before your 21 year marriage that slept with strippers?

Still a mute point.

HSV1 and 2 are tricky to try and figure out...Can you request a blood test?? I would...you can tell. by your numbers if it's a recent infection (will convert to positive 3 to 6 months after exposure)once positive its positive, and no time frame can be established to date of infection.

I am hsv1 and 2 positive....type 2 for approx 31 years...

Long story short, my diagnosis was just confirmed 1 year ago August, but I remember what we (my doctor and I )think was my initial outbreak decades ago.

So yes, it's possible...some people never show signs or have an outbreak, while others have difficulty. There is no consistency to this disease.

Ok, so have you asked if your husband had protected sex during his affairs. Of course, he will likely say yes lol. You won't get the truth out of him at this point. I would not let him "tell" me the results....you need to physically see them!!! Not being mean here, just straight forward. Also, if his girlfriend said she gets tested through work.....well, you know better than that!!! I've had this a very, very long time....but not very versed on the lab results. I was thinking (depending on the numbers) Dr could tell whether it was a newly establish virus or not. That would be helpful as well.

This is his first affair in our 20 year marriage and he did choose to separate first. I am the one trying to save the marriage. I am confident he will tell me the truth about the results though should he say they were neg, I will ask to see the labwork. Yes, he has admitted to unprotected sex with her. He went with me to the doctor and had his blood drawn when I went in for my doctor to discuss treatment. I have known him 36 years and until 3 months ago, thought I knew him completely. He has become someone different in which I only see glimpses of the man I have known since I was 15.

You are referring to your past x, before your 21 year marriage that slept with strippers?

Still a mute point.

HSV1 and 2 are tricky to try and figure out...Can you request a blood test?? I would...you can tell. by your numbers if it's a recent infection (will convert to positive 3 to 6 months after exposure)once positive its positive, and no time frame can be established to date of infection.

 

I am hsv1 and 2 positive....type 2 for approx 31 years...

Long story short, my diagnosis was just confirmed 1 year ago August, but I remember what we (my doctor and I )think was my initial outbreak decades ago.

 

So yes, it's possible...some people never show signs or have an outbreak, while others have difficulty. There is no consistency to this disease.

Yes, an ex from 25 years ago that cheated with strippers. My husband easily volunteered to be tested. I have asked about the numbers to see if they indicate how long I may have had it. (My doctor thinks fairly recently as my number is a bit high -12- and he feels it is because my body is fervently building antibodies, but I have found nothing online to agree with his assumption. )

@Parsley How long after your outbreak did you get tested? And was it an IgG test or an IgM test? If it was an IgG test, I would expect it to take several months to build to 12. However, I'm not a medical professional. I hope for your sake that he is negative because I think people generally have a harder time moving forward when their feelings about HSV are tied to feelings of betrayal.

I would not dwell on the fact that an ex had sex with strippers. HSV2 is very common among women of all professions. By middle age, more than 25% of married women and more than 50% of single/divorced/widowed women have HSV2. Even among women with very limited sexual histories, it's common.

I agree with you it's odd that symptoms started only recently, but if that coincided with a stressful situation, illness or hormonal changes, it would make sense to me.

I have never had an outbreak. Test was IgG. If induced by stress, you would think breaking my hip in half, having a hysterectomy, back surgery after pain so bad I was bedridden face down for 3 months or going through withdrawl from pain meds would have caused symptoms. The only reason my doctor requested I be tested was because he knew my husband was sleeping with another woman and I thought I had a bladder infection but urine tested normal. My husband still has not told me if he has gotten his results yet or not. If he is neg, my ex is the most likely source, but if my husband is pos, there really is no way to tell which one of us had it first or if both were pos before the marriage. (Unless his married gf is lying and is actually pos)

I'm not convinced the index value of the IgG test is an indication of how new the infection is. I've had HSV 2 for over 20 years and my index value was 3.27. I pulled out my lab results today, and it says, "The magnitude of the measured results are not indicative of the amount of antibody present."

@Parsley I had HSV2 for somewhere between 1.5 and 32 years before finding out. Like you, I tested because I knew my (now ex) husband had cheated on me and we'd been having lots of unprotected sex during that time. I was surprised to be negative for HSV1 and positive for HSV2. After educating myself, I realized it was possible I could've had it when I met him, could've even passed it on to him. He's never had symptoms, but for all I know, I could've given it to him and he could have then passed it on to the other woman. Who knows? It is so prevalent, I don't dwell on whether I might've given it to him or he might've given it to me. As a sexual being, there was more than a 50/50 chance I'd have it by my age (and to be fair, I was very sexual before my marriage, so it would almost be unfair if I didn't have it by now when most of my peers do). It really has helped me to look at it this way rather than trying to place blame. I think if I knew for sure that I got it from him as a result of infidelity, I would be angry about it, so I'm glad I don't know.

Honestly, I am hoping he is also positive. One, I fear if he is neg, I will lose any chance of saving my marriage. 2 if in fact the orher woman is neg, she may dump him if she is as health concious as he claims and that is the reason she gets tested yearly even though she has beenarried over 10 years. I find out his results tomorrow.......

@Parsley

Hey there!

Just a FYI - I have a client who was married 30+ yrs before she had her first OB ... brought on by the stress of the Christmas holidays... it's so hard to know exactly *which* stress will bring on an OB in a long time asymptomatic carrier.... but as a Massage Therapist I would say that the stress of the betrayal of your husband cheating on you is one hell of a huge stressor that will be draining your body's immune system more than just about anything out there. So it's very possible that even with all the other stressors you mentioned, that you could have had it all along and only just now had your first symptoms.

AND ... you may never know who gave it to who if your hubby comes up positive... the only thing you will know is that if you have a value over 1.5ish then odds are you had it over 4 months. It takes about that amount of time to get into the range where you are considered positive and even then, if a person is under a 3.5 value with no symptoms, it could be a false positive. Most Dr's are actually poorly informed about how to interpret the test results but your value of 12 doesn't tell us anything except that you have had it over 4 months. Which test did your Dr give you BTW? And do you have your results for the HSV1 and 2 separately? As in, was the 12 value for HSV2?

Anyway, get back to us with your hubby's test results and we can help you to gain some clarity. And BTW, odds are the other woman *believes* she's been tested. Most Dr's won't test for HSV unless you *specifically* ask for it. So it's quite possible she honestly believes she's been tested.

Still no word yet from him on his results. I feel like a terrible person for hoping it us positive as I fear if they are neg, I lose any hope for reconcilliation. As for the other woman, I have seen so many holes in things she tells my husband that I personally do not believe what she tells him at all. I do not have the copy of my results anymore as I gave them to my husband as proof of the result. I do know that I was tested for all types of STDs. Pretty sure it was the IgG but plan to double check.

His tesults are neg for both types. Thankfully he expected to test pos so started doing his own research and has been very reassuring toward me rather than treating me like an outcast. He jeeps telling me I am the same person now after the test as I was 21 years ago before we started dating. His response has allowed me to retain hope for our marriage potentially being reconciled.

On the chance that I am having an outbreak that is internal only, I am taking the meds the doc gave me. The doctor told him that high stress and poor diet are often the trigger for an outbreak in people who have otherwise had no symptoms. Hmmm, between our separation, him seeing a married woman and me losing 30lbs in 7 weeks.... I guess I hit that trigger on the nose.

Can I expect to go back to rarely if ever having symptoms again in the future if my stress and diet improve?

The real question is, assuming your husband gave this to you, will you be able to forgive him or every time an arguement happens this will be thrown in his face? Digesting a herpes diagnoised is not easy. At times takes several years to even accept it, mixed with infidelity it will be a tough one to swollow. It seems you are are fixated on how you got it and say working on our marriage secondly. Truth be told, it is very hard to pin down what came first the chicken or the egg or in your case herpes. Move the energy on to acceptance and move forward. It will take all your energy to regain her spouses trust.

Since my husband tested negative, there is nothing regarding this to need to forgive him for. Evidently, I have had this more than 25 years with no symptoms until now. Even now symptoms are extremely mild, much like a simple yeast infection. My marriage is my primary priority though with this, I have less hope if success. My husband has been extremely supportive and encouraging as well as reassuring me it is not that big a deal. We have been together 21 years and in all that time, it was never transferred to him. Far better response than I expected from him. His parents on the other hand seem to have changed their minds about hoping we save our marriage, though I doubt they would activly interfere. It just adds another negative to the chances of him choosing to give our marriage another chance. It also adds to my ability to accept things between us if my prayers for reconcilliation are not answered.