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I believe I'm having my first OB since my initial and it has me very upset. There's the obvious intense itch and discomfort. Is it unusual for you guys to have itchiness where you don't necessarily have sores. Just general genital irritation. I've also noticed it seems very red and feels swollen. Do you guys experience this?

The secondary stress is psychological. It is like one big fat reminder that this is my life, forever. There's no escaping it. It's just that I'm 20. It hurts so much that this is permanent. And I was really hoping it'd be longer before I had another outbreak. It's been about 2 and a half months since my initial. I already have bipolar depression and anxiety that's been really getting to me lately. Borderline suicidal. I'm afraid this could push me over the edge. I really need some support, understanding, and encouragement rn.

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It gets easier, believe me and everyone else when they tell you this. At some point down the line, this won't be as daunting as it feels right now. Remember that although the virus will be with you always, the symptoms don't last, and a skin condition is nothing to get too upset over. I've had it almost 2 years. Same as you, got my secondary OB after a couple of months and it upset me. Thought I could get away with just the initial. But it last only a few days and also experienced itching and redness before anything else. Pop some antivirals if you have them as they will help speed things up. The OBs generally do become fewer with time.

 

You'll come to a place of acceptance if you allow yourself to remember that no one is perfect and everybody has something that they are "ashamed" of, And our flaws make us human and the right people will see them as part of the beautiful person that you are.

 

I have been met with nothing but respect and love when I've told people including friends and lovers. I still struggle, of course I do, when you experience symptoms that's when you remember that you have it. But it's not going to hurt you, or kill you. It's only going to impact your life as much as you allow it to.

 

We are all in the same boat and there are millions of others. You are not alone. Look after yourself and remain positive-it's a guaranteed way to make others feel good and attract good things in to your life. Seek help where you need it and don't allow something as prevalent And minor as herpes to stop you from losing whatever makes you you.

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Hi @Rpaul, and welcome. I had depression at 20 too (although not bipolar). That was also about the time I picked up herpes, although I wouldn't get the actual diagnosis for another 20-something years. Itchiness, redness and irritation without sores is very normal. That's why I never guessed I had herpes and I never even got a sore until last fall.

 

I also really struggled with the permanence. And transmission. I can't get rid of the virus, and I can't completely prevent transmission. I fixated on that for months!! I was so frustrated that this was outside of my control. I think it was my first big wake up call (along with divorce) that I can't control the outcome of everything and it was a bitter pill to swallow. Because it also meant that no matter how hard I tried, I would always be imperfect. (Of course, I've always been imperfect, but I liked to fantastize that I could become perfect!! Ha ha).

 

Over time, I've come to realize there's a certain freedom in giving up the quest for perfection and control. I'm calmer and more content. I'm definitely more present. I'm focusing on things I enjoy and continually practicing kindness toward myself and self-acceptance. Focusing on self-acceptance keeps me from freaking out about what someone else might think (about herpes or anything else). Never mind herpes--no one else is going to love me wholeheartedly unless I love myself! Focusing on the present moment helps me to really enjoy life without being consumed with what if's and if-only's.

 

I have a golden retriever who is turning 15 years old next week (ancient for a golden). I've had him since he was a puppy and it breaks my heart to watch his mobility slowly decline and the tumor on his torso grow larger. That's a progression I have no control over and I can't stop. But I can give him kisses at every opportunity and shower him with love. Resistance doesn't help him and it doesn't help me.

 

Life is full of disappointments. I just thawed my last bagel from the freezer because I was really craving one and realized I didn't have any cream cheese. So I decided to toast it, and burned the bagel! Ugh! I scraped off as much of the burned layer as I could, and I'm eating a rather hard bagel with apricot jam. I'm learning to let go. I can either find something else to eat, or I can just enjoy what is in front of me without wishing it were different.

 

Wishing things were different--no matter what those "things" were--have kept me from enjoying a large chunk of the last 43 years. So I'm trying something new: accepting what is. No mattter what "it" is, I'm either going to love it while it lasts, accept it and look for what it has to teach me, or weather the storm, because that won't last forever either. {hugs}

 

 

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