My First Post - Getting My Mind Right

I guess I just wanted to make my introduction here and say thank you for being here for people like me to come to with questions and to vent. It's tough to find anyone to relate. I'm a 32Y M from NJ and I'v had Genital HSV1 for about 3 years now. The girl I got it from told me up front and I respect her for that and don't fault her at all. I do fault myself for not really knowing what I was getting into though and not thinking it through. Instead I just acted impulsively. I really liked her and was very attracted to her and basically just said "F*#@ it" when it came to us getting intimate. She hadn't had an outbreak in years and we always used a condom but she wasn't on any suppressive therapy. I contracted H about 6 months into the relationship and it wasn't awful, but it was annoying. I'd get small itchy bumps on my thigh or buttock every other month or so. About a year ago, things started to change and get worse. OBs got more frequent, lasted longer, and moved locations from my buttock to, lower sacral spine, thigh, groin, hamstring, and penis. It's just having a field day with me. Over the past 2 - 3 months it's pretty much been a steady stream of outbreaks. Each one lasts for a week to two weeks and when that one finally settles down another one pops up in another spot and varies from a rash to a legit ulcer.

Every day I take Vitamins E, C, B, Garlic supplements, Lysine, Oregano Oil, and Coconut Oil as well as Valtrex (1,000mg / day). I've been taking supplements for about a year and Valtrex since the beginning of January. Not sure if it's helping, but I don't want to go off it and find out that it can get worse.

I know I have been very stressed because that relationship ended. We split up in January and I guess my body isn't taking it very well. I'm having a hard time picturing myself moving forward because I can't seem to feel ok with putting someone else at risk to go through what I am going through. Even if a girl knew all the risks and said yes to me in spite of this, I can only think of the resentment and emotional turmoil she will go through because of me if she does catch it. I know this is stuff many of you have felt and worked through. That's why I'm here. I know my perception of myself and this situation is kind of skewed, but I don't know how to see things differently right now. I'm looking for a way to change my point of view and make the best of things.

Anyway, if any of you have any books, Ted Talks, or speakers you would like to recommend that helped you, I'd greatly appreciate it (as well as any tips for helping get rid of the OBs).

I've been listening to a psychologist, Jordan Peterson, who has some really interesting views on life, suffering, and happiness. I would recommend looking up his YouTube video on "The Necessity of Virtue". It's allowed me to look at this situation a little differently, but I still have a lot of work to do to get to a good place.

Thanks again for being here and for any advice.

@NoRegrets You might really enjoy Ella Dawson's Tedx talk. She also has genital HSV1.

One piece of good news in terms of your fear of transmission is the great majority of women you date will be largely protected from contracting your HSV1 virus due to already having HSV1, HSV2 or both. You would still be vulnerable to contracting HSV2, however.

@optimist Thanks. I've watched her Tedx talk a few times. It was encouraging.