Regarding the double standard..

Two things of note...

The first being the disparity between men and women when it comes to acceptance of this condition. Based on the anecdotal evidence I've been able to find spread throughout many support groups, and personal experience, I've concluded that women seem to have a much easier time moving past this. Men are much more willing to take the risk of infection when informed by their partners. Women, not so much. My disclosure count passed 100 yesterday. 100 disclosures, 100 denials. Its been 6 years since I was diagnosed, and I have been alone this entire time, because I refuse to expose someone to this without informing them. I am not a bridge troll. I make a decent living, have my own home at 28, and take care of myself. But the instant I tell someone, I'm met with nothing but revulsion and disgust. Each and every single time. I've tried myriad different ways and tactics of disclosure, none of them met with success. So now, just a few weeks before my 29th birthday, I will be basically just giving up. It is no longer worth the humiliation of putting myself out there. I have had women get out of my car in the pouring rain and insist on walking home after I told them. I've had women storm out of my house into -30 degree weather and refuse any offer of a ride or even to call them a cab. All of this because I simply chose to disclose.

And yet, reading stories on support groups, it seems as though women have no problems finding men that will look past this problem. Granted, they get declined once in a while, but largely, it seems to be a little easier to deal with as a women. I have seen men who claim to have very little problem with it. But based on my own experiences, I am forced to conclude that these men are the fabled 10%. The most attractive, the most successful of us. For the remainder, for the average man... a far different story unfolds. I guess I'm asking any women reading this to keep in mind the difference between the sexes when confronting this.

The second issue.

I have also noticed a disparity between the reaction to men and women NOT disclosing. Almost everywhere I've gone, I've seen women looked upon with understanding and compassion. People get why they didn't tell their partners, and its ok. It seems forgivable. However, every time I run across a story of a man who didn't disclose, he's met with scorn, with disgust. He's called a monster and worse. This seems to only reinforce the idea that a woman with herpes is redeemable, while a man with herpes is less than a leper, to be discarded by society, to only produce any worth in his tax dollars. Please help me understand why this should be so. What is it about either this condition, or our valuation and perspectives of men that creates this double standard?

I am at the end of my rope. 6 years of trying to understand. 6 years of trying to find help, trying to find someone, ANYONE to give me a chance. I've been beaten down and broken by a society that sees me as little more than a farm. A crop in the dirt that produces tax dollars to fund programs for others. I feel drained. An exhaustion is coiled around my soul that will not permit me to find any glimmer of hope, having watched those few, brief sparks wink out abruptly, and repeatedly. (Forgive the melodramatics) Help me, please...

@Alarak Normally I wouldn't recommend HSV-specific dating sites, but given the history you've described, maybe you could find something like that helpful, at least temporarily. If you meet women on HSV+ sites and continue to encounter ghosting and negativity, you can look into whether there may be other issues to address. If you meet women on HSV sites and all goes well and there's no ghosting or weird negativity, then you've found a method of meeting women that works better for you and the resulting relationship(s) may increase your confidence to a degree that you're willing to try the more general dating pool again (or a combo of regular and HSV-specific dating pools).

On a personal note, decades prior to my own diagnosis, I had a guy disclose his HSV2 status to me and I was fine with it. I did stop seeing him fairly quickly because he had some sexist ideas about female sexual pleasure and that was a deal breaker for me. Relationships end (or barely get off the ground) for a variety of reasons, regardless of HSV.

I don't think you sound melodramatic, I think you sound angry, discouraged, perhaps depressed. Given the experiences you've described, that's understandable. Have you tried therapy? I don't mean just for HSV, but for how you are feeling generally about yourself, men vs. women, society, relationships, etc.?

I believe Adrial also provides 1:1 coaching. Perhaps that could be helpful?