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Awaiting swab results, but I don't think it can be anything but gHSV-1. How do I disclose?


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So I (male) received oral sex from a girl who still had a small spot where a cold sore had recently healed, and she assured me over and over that she was not contagious at this stage, and had never passed it on that way and it would be fine.

 

Well a week later I had a little bump. No big deal, I've had small tears on my frenulum before from sexual activity and chafing. But it looked weird and felt weird so I got a swab. Doc was 50% sure it was herpes, based on my story and how it looked. Got a swab, got Valtrex.

 

Cut to a day later, several red bumps with open sores on the top. It itched and stung when I pee. This was 2 days ago. Yesterday I realized I was accidentally taking one Valtrex every 12 hours instead of 2, but the itching is gone, I don't even notice the sores unless I touch them which I avoid at all costs.

 

I have done nothing but read up on what my life will be like now, and I'm fairly optimistic. I have learned that I most likely won't have any outbreaks, and if I do they'll be milder than this one which isn't too bad, and they'll be few and far between.

 

I also learned that I am unlikely to transmit the virus. This is my greatest concern; I can handle a few episodes of itching and soreness, but I don't want to be a vector of disease. I have never been popular with the ladies, but now I guess I can forget the prospect of anonymous sex, orgies, or anything like that. Disappointed big time, cause I was only just now at 29 years old finding my groove. I definitely prefer having a monogamous partner, but I definitely don't like condoms, and being that the greatest risk is passing it from my genitals to someone's mouth via oral sex, I can say goodbye to my favorite bit of foreplay unless I find a partner who is a) very understanding and b) already positive for oral HSV-1.

 

I'm still about 5% unsure that it's herpes, but I really don't know what else it could be at this point. The alternative possibilities are all worse than HSV-1, so I oddly find myself hoping that's what it is. If the test comes back negative I'll be asking for a second test if the sores are not gone by then.

 

MY QUESTIONS:

 

1. Is there anyone who can offer some hope that this is not herpes?

 

2. Am I right to be optimistic about not having to deal with outbreaks or transmission, or am I not taking this seriously enough?

 

3. It doesn't seem fair that even though statistically I have a near 0 chance of passing it on I still have to admit to potential partners that I have GENITAL HERPES!!! *dun-dun-duuun...* I just wonder how you guys feel about that, what the least awkward way to go about it would be?

 

On that last point, my plan is basically to start the conversation as if I'm talking about cold sores, mention I only have had one outbreak, then just mention it was a lesion down there. Then I suspect I'll have to answer "wait, that's herpes!!!" with something like "no, it's the cold sore virus which is technically herpes, but it's not the same as hsv2. Most people have it, most people who do have it never have outbreaks, most people who get outbreaks get them orally, but I was lucky enough to get it down south. It only happened once (I hope) and it's pretty much not contagious compared to cold sores. There's like a small chance I might be contagious a few days a year though, so if you've never had cold sores we should probably not do blowjobs until I can get a Valtrex prescription."

 

Comments, suggestions? Is that a good disclosure spiel? Please help...

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You may want to check out Ella Dawson's blog or Tedx talk. She's a 20-something woman with genital HSV1. She touches on disclosure frequently.

 

As someone with HSV2, I think it's possible for people to disclose HSV1 in a way that is both realistic in terms of risk while not inadvertently reinforcing the existing stigma against HSV2 which is also usually very mild and is super common. In other words, I like the idea of comparing GHSV1 to something similar that is not stigmatized, such as oral herpes, but I hesitate to endorse the strategy of comparing it to a highly stigmatized virus such as HSV2. HSV2 does shed, on average, 3x as frequently as GHSV1 and 2x as frequently oral HSV1, though taking antivirals brings the transmission risk of HSV2 closer to that of oral and genital HSV1.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Actually as a male you have a greater chance of passing it on and I personally believe you should tell your partners. My boyfriend passed it on to me without knowing he had it and being that you are aware, I think it's the right thing to do. How they respond shows their character but honesty is the best policy.

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well listen

Maybe u will see my post and Im really worried! but today my doctor told me to ignore HSV 1 as many many many ppl have it...He said his kid, who is 7 yesrs old, had it 4 years ago. Then he was like don't overthink it..so many ppl they have it and they don't know.

Seriously it is not THAT problem. Maybe if i take my kids and check their blood, it will come back positive!!!!You never know

Did u see th crazy estimates? A large percentage of population have it!!!

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Adding to all of that

I called two doctors and i was like my blood results came back positive for HSV 1 bla bla

He was like : what about HSV2? I said negative

He asked when did i take the test? I said 5 month and 22 days post exposure

He said: " You are okay. HSV1 might be caught wheb u were a child nd so many ppl have it. so common. If u show symptoms come and see a doctor , bye"

 

Hello doctor!! Are you still there?

 

Ok so?

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As someone with HSV2, I think it's possible for people to disclose HSV1 in a way that is both realistic in terms of risk while not inadvertently reinforcing the existing stigma against HSV2 which is also usually very mild and is super common. In other words, I like the idea of comparing GHSV1 to something similar that is not stigmatized, such as oral herpes, but I hesitate to endorse the strategy of comparing it to a highly stigmatized virus such as HSV2.

 

Thanks @optimist for saying exactly what I was thinking, albeit much more eloquently!

 

 

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@HikingGirl My pleasure, HikingGirl. Thank you for the kind words.

 

FWIW, my doctor shares the same opinion about HSV2 that @Nadia's doctor has about HSV1 (HSV2 is very common, most people who have it don't know it and don't get tested for it, there's no need to worry about it unless I have symptoms, etc.) but it's my impression that there is a societal expectation to disclose genital herpes, regardless of type, if you know you carry the virus and it's specific to the genital region.

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