Facts about passing on herpes?
  • Basically a simple question that I can never find an answer to. My doctor told me and a friend who also has H, that its fine to have sex with a partner when herpes symptoms aren't showing. So basically, when they're no blisters, you can't catch herpes?

    My friend has been having sex with guys when her blisters aren't there, but I've done my research and found out it can be caught..always! Basically my Doctor wasn't helpful, he told me the basics about herpes but never about sex & passing it on. I asked my friend again the other day and she said "Emma when the sores aren't there it's basically like the herpes isn't there!" So I thought wow I can actually have sex after a year of none.

    But I had to check here first. I even have a leaflet from the doctors about herpes that clearly reads this... "Can I pass the virus to a partner if I have no symptoms?" Here's the answer, "When the virus is dormant/inactive inside the nerve cells it cannot be caught by others, if the virus is on the skin, it may be passed on."

    This seems crazy, I'm sorry but my friend has the same booklet and she went on this information and has been having casual sex, have I done the right thing by not having sex at all ever since I found out? I wonder if I should have her attitude! She is loving life, lol. Tell me as much as you know about giving it to someone else please, thanks everyone x
  • That's simply not true. Unfortunately the medical community seems to still be either clueless or simply not care enough to learn the basics of herpes. Here is a post on the blog I wrote about asymptomatic viral shedding.

    If sores aren't present, then there is about a 10% chance of spreading herpes from male to female and a 4% chance of spreading herpes from female to male (less mucous membrane on the penis, more on the vagina) due to viral shedding. And you never know when this viral shedding is occurring; it happens silently.

    These risks of spreading herpes are lessened by a large degree if you're taking daily suppressive therapy (Valtrex, Acyclovir, etc.), so consider doing that if you're having sex with someone who doesn't have herpes.

    But regardless of all the protective measures you're taking, new partners should know that you have herpes! Your friend should be telling her partners! She is risking passing herpes to them. (Not to mention, she's risking getting whatever they have if they aren't having an honest STD conversation before doin' the do!)

    If the idea of having the herpes talk scares you, then please read this free e-book ASAP! It will switch your perspective quick! http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

    And download these easy-to-read handouts for all the facts you need at a glance:

    By the way, check out the video I put together about the H Opportunity weekend. Gets me choked up every time I watch it. :) http://youtu.be/qHELyKk5GJs
  • lelanilelani
    Posts: 427
    I can't believe the ignorance within the medical community. I have had friends told the same thing when i have encouraged them to get tested - they have been told all sorts of misinformation. I am finding too that people over 40 who have it a long time are doing the same as your friend, they were told on diagnosis years ago that they won't pass it on without symptoms and of course they believe it - if they have had no symptoms they haven't needed to talk about it and still think that the advice is true. This is how i caught it...I was as ignorant as my partner even though we had each talked to our doctors.

    That's why I think this site and others like it are invaluable...we learn from each other and help each other do the right thing by ourselves and those we are intimate with. Thanks Hopp :-)
  • Looks like I will be staying single for a very long time then :( That doctor needs a good talking to! I just can't see how I am going too keep staying strong with this.. I have such bad days sometimes.. like today lol! I just know I have to wait till I'm older to settle down with someone who will accept it & I'm just so lonely.
  • I feel sad reading your response, EmmaLynn. It hurts my heart. Holding yourself back because of fear of being rejected is pre-rejecting yourself from everyone, including all those guys who would be totally psyched to be with you — with or without herpes. Have you downloaded the free e-book on disclosure yet? It walks you through the mindset and the actual disclosure itself that happens when you're whole and love who you are. Let yourself heal and re-connect to loving yourself again, yes. But also realize when you're actually holding yourself back from moving on and letting someone love you for you. Don't hold yourself back anymore when you don't need to. Click here to get it ››
  • I know I would find it awful telling someone, I said before, the place I live isn't somewhere I can just say I have herpes and be ok with that. It sounds strange but I've lived here all my life and I know everyone, if I was to tell a guy, he would freak and tell everyone. So I need to wait until I'm older to find someone mature enough to know what herpes actually is, and not judge me. If anybody was to find out I had herpes I would not be able to leave my house lol. I wish I could turn back time and go back to my normal life :'(
  • dabrat81
    Posts: 3
    I feel the same exact way as you!
  • lelanilelani
    Posts: 427
    I do know how you feel..I am very well known (have been on TV and sang in a well known band here in my city...amoungst other public stuff). I have been pretty open with my family and close friends (both men and women)...yet i am not actively dating anyone close to home. I have been amazed at the support from those I have told, even my adult kids (that was a tough one but i want them to be informed too and it was hard to hide how sick i kept getting for several months).
    I have discolsed to dates and it does get easier and the e book will help. I think different age groups have different difficulties with disclosing and definitely as you get older the more mature and accepting people are. But its getting it right with yourself first and accepting and loving yourself - that what I have found, I found myself again and then it got easier telling others.
    I'm sorry you are feeling so lonely...you aren't alone though and I am sending you good thoughts.
  • healing
    Posts: 8
    So that means I have to use condoms for the rest of my sexual life? Just the thought of it makes me want to be celibate forever. Hi, I am new, I have been recently diagnosed through a routine std test, and I am asymptomatic. Never had an outbreak.
  • Whoa, whoa, healing! Don't jump to extremes! Slow down, slow down! Yes, you'll have to be more careful than you once were, but think about it: it's just as much a precaution for YOU as it is for them! (You don't want to get anything else, right?) Ah, I remember my pre-herpes days ... I thought I was invincible. The whole "STDs will never happen to me" thing. And then blam, hello herpes! In a way, getting this silly little virus gives me a glimpse into my own lack of invincibility (which is a good thing to get) and allows me to be that much more careful about what I open myself up to (sexually or otherwise).

    And, aside from that, once you find someone who loves you for you, then herpes really takes a back seat (trust me). I'm in an awesome relationship now with my girlfriend who does NOT have herpes, and we decided together to not wear protection. I take daily suppressive therapy to keep the viral shedding and outbreaks down to minimize her chances of getting it, but when it comes down to it, she loves me for me and herpes doesn't get in the way of that. There are many risks people take in relationships, and herpes is just one of those things.

    So yes, you'll be more cautious and sexually aware than you once were (again, good thing) AND there's no telling what lies ahead for you as far as a relationship goes. Got it? Don't assume worst-case scenario. Your future hasn't happened yet. ;)
  • healing
    Posts: 8
    Thanks, H_Opp. The thing is, I was always cautious but I guess not enough. I am recently divorced from a 11 year relationship. My ex had oral herpes and frequent outbreaks of it at the beginning of our relationship, which is probably how I unknowingly caught both genital and oral H. We just assumed I was safe when he didn't have outbreaks. His outbreaks became less when he cleaned up his diet and in the last years of our relationship, he probably had an outbreak once a year if at all... I have never had an outbreak, so I never had a clue that I was infected.

    It is hard for me. I just don't know how much more careful I am supposed to be. I don't know how to deal with relationships anymore. I don't want to have a "conversation" with potential partners and risk rejection, so I guess I will have to date people from Herpes dating sites.

    I work in the natural health field, so I will not be doing the usual suppressive therapy, though I will try to find alternative natural ones.

    Thank you all for listening. Yes, I am still grieving the loss of what I thought was my sexual purity and cleanliness. I will be okay. I am determine to love myself regardless, and some days are better than others, some nights are better than others.
  • EmmaLynn__Xx ... Hey please Stop all the poohoo talk about u Not ever having Sex. If u are so concern with it. All U need to do Is be safe from now On. Use Condoms and u don't need to mention weather u have it or not. So when u get pressured to asking not to used it ... U may say .. 'I'm not ready for a child" "I'm in need for safety always" " No sex without it and that My final answer". Love U and Respect urself like no one will. If someone out there want u and love u they will put it on. so go have ur fun and live ur sex life up
  • rinapink76 — I totally (respectfully) disagree ... Even if condoms are involved there's still a chance of passing herpes. Nothing is ever 100%. Hell, even if suppressive therapy, condoms and a biohazard suit are involved, you're still sharing something. At least have the decency of sharing that you have herpes, too. This also brings up a whole other subject: If the other person doesn't ask if you have anything, are you obliged to be proactive and tell them that you do? My take on this is that if you're going to be intimate enough to have sex, you should be intimate enough to open up a sex conversation, too. AND ... who knows what sort of fun gifts they might have to give you? You're protecting yourself, too! What if the condom breaks and you end up with something more than a silly little herpes virus? Having the sex talk protects partners both ways. And it's just the cool thing to do. ;)
  • I have come to realise that I cannot have sex until I wish to settle down with a long term partner, and this will not be until I am a lot older than 19. I met someone that I really like and I have been meeting him for months now, but I had to let him go. I am finding this really hard. Everyone has always said how me and him should be together and I am so upset, I cannot give him what someone else could give him so I've let him go. I think it was the right thing to do because at 19, he wouldn't of agreed to risk catching it from me and I dont think I have the right to put him in this horrible place that I am in. He has now found someone else and I wish I could be her so much. She is so lucky. I know I will forget him and move on, of course I will, but how many more people am I going to have to let slip away? I do concentrate on me now, I enjoy myself a lot and can do whatever I like whenever I like, but when you aren't looking for someone they just keep coming. I want my old life back so much!
  • rinapink76
    Posts: 9
    the_H_Opp .. Yeah U are very right. its hard, plenty of ppl are not honest and how to know if they are being honest with me too, so I always carry female condoms, which I like more but of course if I get intimate with someone I do say so, Most guys they don't even care. That worries me a lot too. I have never had a condom break on me or the guy I had sex with. I understand you, I know nothing is 100% safe !!
  • In need of some questions answered,

    A man I care dearly for has HSV1, and says he has it genitally, but has never had an outbreak down there--only oral cold sores. We've been dating since February, but only recently started having sex-- When telling me of his herpes (after our 3rd date) he explained that generally he gets one cold sore a year--however, he's now had an outbreak in July, and again this month :( I went to my OBGYN and am still testing negative for the virus--so I was finding your messages very informative--I didn't know of these Suppressives. They sound like a good idea for him, less outbreaks, and for me, slightly more protection from contracting the virus.

    When he has an active outbreak, as he does right now, kissing my forehead, neck, back, etc is alright, right? I'm under the impression that he would need to kiss my lips or other more intimate place for me to catch the virus!?!?! Help please :))

    Thanks in advance for your help!
  • Hi Whatsthescoop. Yes, if he takes suppressive therapy, you will decrease the chances by 50-80%, some studies say. Always a good thing to get on suppressive therapy to protect the partner who doesn't have herpes. Also, you're right that it's very unlikely he will pass herpes to you by kissing other parts of your body, but if he's having an outbreak, I would suggest he doesn't just in case. Herpes has been known to produce outbreaks in random places, so if there were a break in your skin, whether it's a cut or a popped zit, the virus could have an opening to the body. Better to play it safe and hold off on that until the virus is cleared up. And by the way, you can make it a game instead of an "ew gross" experience. Does that make sense? Playfully make the outbreak mean that he can touch you however he wants, but not with his mouth. My girlfriend and I play that game and it's pretty sexy. Switch the perspective and make it fun. Hold off on kissing anywhere until after the episode has passed, then reintroduce kissing ... the sparks will fly. ;)
  • Hi,
    Based on peoples suggestion, just wear a condomn and make sure you don't have an outbreak makes the risk very low. My doctor and other counsellors have told me this. I have never given it to anyone in 18 years. Voila
  • Oh, only tell someone if you think the person really cares about you too.
  • If they care, and you let them know to make sure they are wearing a condomn and no outbreaks, the risk is very low.
  • hforumap - You should be telling ALL sexual partners that you have herpes and be clear on what the risks actually are (which are small with awareness and precautions). And yes, of course the more precautions, the less risk. AND taking suppressive therapy lessens (by anywhere from 50-80%, depending on what study you read) the risk that's still there with condoms and avoiding sex during an outbreak. And another thing to consider is what if where your outbreaks happen isn't covered by the condom? Even when an outbreak isn't present, there's still a risk due to asymptomatic viral shedding. All of these considerations are there so you can lessen the risk and then let it all go ... so you can enjoy yourself. ;)
  • Hi Adrial,

    I was told by a counsellor in a sex clinic that people can put a bandade on the area where outbreaks usually happen which prevents skin to skin contact helps.
  • Interesting getting down to the nitty gritty on this page. Just so you all know, I have never had H internally, ever. This suggests to me that I got it from a guy who was wearing a condom. Pay attention people! there's plenty external (for a woman) or non-penis (for a man) skin that contacts repeatedly under pressure when you are engaged in sex. Definitely not 100% on condoms and no symptoms. On another angle, I'm surprised so many here are still using the term "outbreak" for symptoms. Language is powerful, could choose a gentler word, even 'symptoms' is kinder to your body and selfimage than 'outbreak'. My favourite is still "episode".
  • When I think of having sex with a bandaid on my labia I laugh out loud!! you don't really think it would stay in place with all that sliding and slipping do you?
  • lively! I love it! Yes, I like episode. I also like occurrence. Anything other than a word that sounds like some dangerous criminal is trying to get out of a prison otherwise known as my body. ;) (And FYI, why I tend to use the cliché terms is so people who are searching for those terms online can stumble upon this site. That's my excuse. AND thanks for the reminder.) And I GUFFAWED on that last one. Bandaid on my labia! That's a new rock band name waiting to happen! :)

    And seriously, a band-aid doesn't protect your partner from passing herpes. It wouldn't hurt, but definitely don't expect it to be the protection you need to keep your partner safe. Just avoid sex completely when there are any signs or symptoms of a herpes outbreak.
  • labia band-aid! good one! definately sounds like a band name too!
    speaking of suppressives..it is something I would definately consider if I was going to be in an intimate relationship with someone, but what I am concerned about is the cost? Does it differ from province to province, or state to state? Or is it relatively the same price anywhere you go? I have heard it is quite expensive, which makes it difficult when you're a student :(
  • [Note: I am not a doctor. Consult your doc and don't take this post as medical advice.] I buy my meds (Acyclovir) through my local grocery store (Kroger) pharmacy for $40 for a 3-month supply (400mg 2x/day). And I don't have regular insurance (one of the perks of being self-employed.) Valtrex is super expensive, especially if you don't have a nice insurance plan. But everything I've read and heard says that Acyclovir and Valtrex are practically the same, you just have to take Acyclovir 2x/day instead of taking Valtrex once (V is time-released). Anyway, point is, herpes medication is super cheap! ;) (I just wonder about the long-term health effects of taking a daily medication like that. I have my eye more on that than the cost.)
  • To VirgoGirl, I go to Walgreens for mine, and generic Valtrex (Valacyclovir) is $10 per refill, that I'm aware. I'm not in a relationship and kind of want to see how my body reacts before I decide to go on daily suppressive therapy, but if you can ger generics of anything they're usually way cheaper. I think brand-name Valtrex is $45 through Walgreens, which is ridiculous.
  • Hi Adrial, oh of course, SEO, help all those people who have H acting like a dangerous criminal find a haven with you and your community, like we all have . Love the "dangerous criminal", exactly how "outbreak" occurs to me too.

    Mmm, I'll wait for first release from famous Bandaid on Labia! can't imagine the title.......:-)
  • CarlosCarlos
    Posts: 107
    woe... Valacyclovir refills for $10?? where do you live?? I might have to consider the move just for the cheap V!

    I'm uninsured. I live in NYC. I purchase a one-month supply of Valacyclovir for a feisty $160.

    I also take L-Lysine+Olive leaf+Atragalus (the natural version).

    If anyone knows of an online option where Valacyclovir can be purchased cheaply, do hit me up. I'm dating someone :) He's HSV-

    much LUV
  • So, I just mine refilled. I use the acyclovir because it just seems to work better for me. I'm supposed to take it twice a day 400mg but I only take it once a day. I definitely need to supress. I paid 15.00 for a 90 day supply. Valtrex is one of the most expensive meds out there. Always ask if you do have insurance if you can do a 90 day supply its always cheaper than a one month. If I were to pay a one month supply its 7 dollars (generic) so, Its cheaper for me to get a 90 day supply but you have to ask your Dr. to write it out for you that way IF your health insurance will pay for it that way. BCBS does.
  • I got HSV 1 while using a condom and only had sex with the person one time. And 3 days later, a sore. He had no symptoms and still doesn't. So condoms don't mean much at all. I never knew that. I don't remember reading or learning that. But my doctor said that if you don't have a sore, who cares? That was her attitude. It was very scary. I can't not tell though. It would live on my conscience and I wouldn't want someone else to feel the pain I feel. I wondered if anyone else had symptoms that felt like a bladder infection rather than sores? I'm feeling that way and I think it's the herp and not a bladder infection. I will see my doctor soon. I'm doing the Lysine with vitamin c and other vitamins plus the daily Acyclovir and haven't had sores since the first time.

    I can't wait to see Labia BandAid! Are they playing at you seminar in October? :-p
  • Hi singbluesilver, I just wanted to relate with you and let you know that when I feel a genital HSV 1 episode coming on I don't get itchy or tingly. Instead, my entire vagina becomes extremely sore like all of the muscles are sore and it does sometimes resemble a bladder infection because it's a very internal feeling and this is when no sores are present. I have not had sores since first time either! Thank god we are lucky huh? :) no jinxing :)
  • Thanks for all the info guys!

    Those prices do seem rather inexpensive. In canada, where I am from, It seems to be much higher. The Doc prescribed me valtrex, a 3 day supply for almost $30! I guess I will need to talk to a doctor about it. the cost really freaked me out.

    I am more interested in taking natural medicine though, so would like to start taking the 'L-Lysine+Olive leaf+Atragalus' mixture because that is what I would prefer. thanks Carlos! But if need be that I need suppressive therapy, I will do what I can to protect my partner when the time comes.

    and thanks Crissy for the info as well :) I will ask about the acyclovir. It seems like the more efficient way to go, for me, being a broke student.

  • This thread gives me hope that there are other, better, more affordable options!
  • JudithJudith
    Posts: 244

    well there are all this statistic, am i aloud to ask you guys, did you ever infect somebody yourself when you didnt had an outbreak.i dont meet nobody neither since i got it and i know it can be always infective ,but did you ever infect somebody yourself?.i meen i feel the symtoms before it comes up,i feel that the virus is at this moment down there. they say that 70 percent of person get infected of people who dont have outbreaks,are this person who never had an outbreak and live witout symtoms ,so they cant tell if the virus is around or are this always person who had already outbreak and they couldnt read the symtom at this point?maybe you can give me your personal statistic ,experience not the one from the internet.do anybody had experience like that?
  • Hi Judith! :)

    The questions you are asking are legitimate, but very hard for most people to answer. Some people have noticeable sensations before they have an outbreak, and some don't. Some people may not be given the opportunity to know whether they spread it to someone else because Herpes can lie dormant in the body for a long time and they may have had multiple partners by the time they experience their first outbreak.

    I have a good friend who has been married to her husband who has HSV-2 genitally and they don't use condoms. He is on suppressive therapy and rarely has an outbreak. They avoid sex during outbreaks and they have been married for 9 years and she hasn't tested positive.

    I am sure there are similar stories. And I'm sure there are just as many where the spouse contracted HSV-2...

    I am linking you to a really great resource for information on transmission:

    And here is a downloadable booklet produced by this clinic that has a lot of great information about diagnosis, transmission, etc. and it is kept up to date.

    Hope that helps...
  • JudithJudith
    Posts: 244
    hi ok thanks a lot :) i guess this will be always like lotterie but hope i never find a winner and infect somebody.have a good day
  • I am a 32 year old woman who has been diagnosed with herpes in April of 2012. i have recently told my partner of 4 months that i have it. We haven't been intimate but we have kissed maybe once or twice. Is there any chance that he can have it. Even though I wasn't going through an ob.
  • Were you diagnosed with oral or genital herpes, Culture?
  • I recently had sex with a girl that has herpies. There was no outbreak but the condom fell off and i didnt realize it. Im kinda freeking out right now..What shoould i do?? am i going to be ok??
  • Shy
    Posts: 3
    I am New and awaiting membership, can any one please advise, Ive been in a relationship for a few years, my partner knows I have H, weve been safe, occasionally the partner refuses to use protection for 5 min or so...I plead and beg for the partner to use one but the partner is selfish...we will use protection after that and recently I just recovered after 3 weeks having an outbreak etc we recently were intimate and the above happened...I feel fine no symptoms but am scared if the partner gets something , but friends say: "you have told your partner about H and being intimate with protection it is his own fault..this relationship is ending hasn't gone good, but I guess my question is: do I feel guilty if the partner contracts something even after my efforts and honesty about H? please help..
  • @ Steve,
    While there is a chance that you could have contracted something in such a small window it is not as likely as you might think. Asymptomatic shedding does happen but it's not all the time, and there's no reliable way to tell if someone is shedding. I would get tested just to check and be sure, then maybe test again a little further on. In the mean time I would probably abstain from sex until you know what your status is because you wouldn't want to unknowingly pass it on yourself if in fact you did pick it up.

    @ Shy,
    Welcome to what I feel is the best forum for herpes on the internet. Your situation is unenviable, but as you said you have been insistent on the use of protection (though even condoms are not 100%), and your partner refused. At that point it is on them and a consequence of their own decision as I see it. The only thing I would ask is why could you not stop mid-act if the use of protection was refused? There are two sides to this because you are protecting your partner as much as yourself. Personally I would feel bad, but I would not feel guilty after providing a full disclosure. After all we are able to make rational decisions for ourselves right?

    Ultimately for each of us here who does end up in a relationship with a partner who is H- we all run the risk of passing it to them. There are measures we can take to reduce the chances of that happening, but in the end nothing is 100%. This is why H can be an opportunity to help us be more discerning in who we choose to be with. The partner who loves us for the person we are is what we look for and H does not define who we are as people.

    I hope that some of this was helpful...

    :) CBK
  • I am a 57 year old woman who is divorced, always have been overweight, and finally in 2010 I went through a gastric bypass and lost 88 pounds. Finally after all these years my confidence came back!! I last saw my ex in March 2012, met my new guy in November. He told me he had been tested for std's so I thought I should go do that to have a clean bill of health to show him in return. Well in Jan I tested negative for everything except Herpes 2 and the weird thing is I have never had an outbreak that I know of. My new guy and I have had unprotected sex already. Well turns out his doctors office told him that because his white blood count has never been elevated when he has his routine testing (cholesterol, etc.) that he is disease free. How could a doctors office be so uneducated? Anyway, we are still seeing each other and he is getting tested this coming Monday. I am devastated by this and our relationship was coming along so well, now is weird. He tells me hes sorry he cant have sex with me and held me the other night while I cried about it. I cant find any reliable realistic info that tells me how safe sex is without outbreaks, how not to buy into the fear about this. I think this is a man I could be with forever, and I wonder if he will resent me if he doesnt have it and I end up giving it to him,
    I kinda hope he has it too but I feel so selfish and guilty about felling that way!!
    My confidence in him, myself, fairness, God, even life itself is wavering on the brink. I would never kill myself, but I am feeling that my life is over when I felt I had found someone who is not a jerk after all these years of abuse and low self esteem, thanks for letting me vent.
    Could someone tell me the truth, is there any evidence that someone can catch h2 by going down on them if there are never any symptoms?
  • Hi divastated,

    It is good to hear that you have regained your self confidence. That confidence will definitely be helpful. Having H affects everyone slightly differently, but it is certainly not what pop culture would have us believe. While we have it, H does not own us nor does it define us. I have now accepted it as the opportunity to be more discerning about who I allow into my life. If they can't handle a minor skin condition how will they deal with major life issues? This is where it concerns me to see you write that he is "sorry he can't have sex with you." It hurts to be honest, but you'll need a partner who has a better perspective on this and is capable of being supportive of you in a time of need. Also, as an adult if he accepted that explanation from a doctor I question whether he's as concerned with facts as you are. I also wouldn't expect any doctors offices to have a strong understanding of H. There is a handbook available on the Westover Heights Clinic website under a link for herpes on their main page.

    H is a crafty thing. Since you've not had a recognized episode it isn't possible to say for certain that what you have is a genital or oral infection. The blood test just tells which type. It used to be thought that 1 was oral and 2 was genital, but we now understand they are interchangeable. Though a type 2 oral infection is said to have fewer recurrences than if it were genital.

    It is possible to get type 2 orally after oral sex even when there are no symptoms. That is how I ended up with 2 on top of 1, when she disclosed after the fact. But I have to stress that it is not that common. Asymptomatic shedding of the virus is not constant, and it's not something you can necessarily recognize.

    With that said, I am back out dating using a mainstream non-H dating site. I'm having fun, and I know that I don't have to disclose to a woman just because we met. There is time to see if there's any connection first. And there are plenty of people out there who won't care. Also, this forum is a great resource with many positive people willing to help.

    :) CBK
  • Hi Divastated,

    I understand how scary Herpes is at first, and I want to thank you for taking the healthy approach of asking questions and getting the facts. I am so happy that you've come to a forum to ask questions and share your story. Congratulations on the healthier you and regaining your confidence. As you learn the facts about herpes, your confidence will come back. You're doing everything perfectly :)

    To answer your question, I remember looking up the same question that you had, and finding out that it's very rare to pass HSV-2 through oral sex.
    I found information from a medical doctor who states "Oral herpes due to HSV-2 is rare; almost all cases are due to HSV. Therefore, it is rare for someone to aquire genital HSV-2 from oral sex, if it happens at all. In 30+ years in the STD business, I have not seen or even heard of such a case."

    Your new guy seems sweet, and it sounds like he's willing to learn about herpes with you. The more you know, the less scary it all is. You are doing everything right though. You both got tested; something came up; you're learning about it and he's getting tested specifically for herpes now. I understand your fear of having him resent you if you ever gave it to him; and that's why it's best to have an authentic conversation with him. When you feel comfortable, let him know about any worries or fears that come up for you. You have been 100% honest with him, which is so respectable- and I know he appreciates that! Having vulnerable conversations about anything (not just herpes) are a great way to connect on a deeper level.

    I came across a quote last night that I want to share,

    "It’s easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams… that is being naked." — Rob Bell

    Good luck with everything. Lots of love!
  • Thanks Cedar, I appreciate you answering my questions. And I loved the quote. I just want this initial freakout to be over, also CBK, I have to say I didnt know much about HSV-2 until I found out I have it so I am trying to be as understanding with him as he is trying to be with me. And he is still with me - he didnt run - so theres hope I think. I just hate this limbo we are in, when his results come back we can make an informed decision about where to go from here. I was leaning towards just walking away if he doesnt have it, but my son gave me some great advice - he said let my guy decide if he wants to be with me, dont take that decision away from him. I so appreciate this site!
  • Wow. Smart son :) He is so right.
    I found this on the site today. Not sure if you've read it yet. But I thought it might help.

  • I've been trying to read up on HSV and whatnot, and I was just wondering, is it possible to have sex with someone (not condom) and not give them herpes if I am asymptomatic? I know that sounds like a stupid question, but I recently found out I am HSV-2positive and trying to figure out who I contracted it from as to tell them they should get tested.

    Thanks a lot everyone, and all of the posts have been very helpful!
  • JudithJudith
    Posts: 244
    HI awshucks,

    80 % of all people who have Herpes have no symtoms and around 70 % of new Herpes infection come from people who dont know that they have it....so actually you can have it from all your partners ...with or without condom.When i get my outbreaks they are normally on parts which is not saved by condom,so protection will not help to protect infect another pesron.Its not stupid question, its only something nobody know about :)i didnt was aware of this fact before neither......it can be years ago that you got it from somebody...thats a question you will never get an answer too..but you know about this fact now and you can act responsible .maybe somebody of your ex partner knew and didnt told you because this person was ashamed or didnt want to be get rejected but this doesnt metter anymore , its more important that you forgive and try to be responsible about having herpes.Its better to be a good and honest person.....if we all deal with herpes genitales ( hate that word :( )in a open way then it will be not that big deal anymore...a lot off people have it but nobody talk about it or dont know that they have it.so sorry i cant give you a clear answer o that question but i hope you are well .wish you good weeked....dont think about to much...meet some friends and cheer up.big hug .besos judith
  • So I have H. And I feel like a lost cause. I know I can't tell anyone I hope to be intimate with. I'm not strong enough and I won't be intimate with someone without telling them. My ex girlfriend gave it to me orally and when we found out she accepted it. We had unprotected sex for 3 yrs and were happy with each other. Now she has left me and I can't go through that again.

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