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In this Discussion

positive guide to herpes disclosure






 

Disclosing G HSV1 in College

tnicole Member
Hi all, I'm currently a sophomore in college and have genital HSV 1. I was diagnosed about three months ago after losing my virginity. I have had sexual intercourse once, but I have had two guys perform oral sex on me, which I am assuming is the way in which I caught herpes. I attend a large university where relationships are not common. My school is fairly selective and as a result, students are extremely focused on future careers rather than dating. Because of this, the hook up culture is disgustingly prominent. I am currently seeing a guy who I have been friends with for over a year; however, we are not official. I know that I am not herpes and that I have a lot more positive qualities that are just as important in a relationship as sex, but I'm terrified that college boys are too immature to handle this and I will be rejected immediately. I know there is not an exact way or time to disclose a herpes diagnosis to someone, but I was wondering if anyone had advice on how to disclose my diagnosis for now and in the future? Thank you so much!

Comments

  • Hello, I'm a 32yo female also with HSV1. I was diagnosed when I was 22 and like you, I suspect I contracted it the same way.

    It sounds like what you're describing is something casual that has the potential to be more serious. It also sounds like you might be debating whether you actually want to have the talk with him or not. Tell me if I'm wrong, but it seems like you're at that spot where you could disclose and open yourself up to the possibility of rejection. OR, you could not disclose and let this situation run it's course and fizzle out without having to deal with the possibility of him being too immature to handle the info. Based on what you described I've personally been in this same spot several times and it's right about at this point when I disclose. So, if you decide to go for it- before you have the talk, gather as much information as you can. I have found that this website has a lot of great resources and solid information. Also, how are you feeling about having to say something? Of course it's not a fun conversation, but if you're incredibly dreading it that could be telling.

    I personally found that every time I disclosed it got easier and I was more relaxed about it and most of my partners were also relaxed about receiving that information (my friend says I was lucky though as she's not had such success). I had a rejection last year that was pretty tough, but then the guy came back around SEVEN months later, but by then I had definitely had enough time to realize he was just a big jerk and nothing came of it.

    I say, it's important to be calm about delivering the information and likely they will be too. If you approach it like you're about to say some bad news, guess what- it'll be received as bad news! Honestly, with HSV1 as a female, its pretty unlikely you're passing it on. I'm sure you've done this already but if you go to the 'disclosing' thread on here, there's lots of great tips and info. Best of luck!
  • Hi, I also have genital HSV1 and like you, got in in college my sophomore year when I was 19. I have to say that it took me just over a year to stop crying about it whenever I'd think about it or talk about it. I even had trouble seeing black escalades driving by because that was the car he drove (who gave it to me). Over time, it did get easier I actually disclosed to only one guy in college who I was hooking up with for a long time casually (not sex) and we were also friends. We never had a relationship, and it was actually long after we stopped hooking up that I told him about me. It felt like practice because I knew we werent even together so there was not much of a rejection because he was very supportive and just fine with it.

    Since then I am now 25 and have had a few boyfriends that weren't long term or serious, but sex came up and each of them accepted me. I found that if you are very nonchalant about the conversation they will take it as wow this girl is very confident and doesn't feel ashamed... maybe it isn't a big deal! That is your hope, although you still cannot control how others are going to respond. I have found that some people tell me oh you don't even need to disclose, but I would feel way too guilty not doing that. I haven't had another outbreak sine the initial back in 2011, nor do I feel I'd pass it on very easily... since I have avoided oral sex (on myself) ever since. Even with all that, I am still very scared each time I need to disclose because personally one is coming up with this new guy I am seeing. I have very similar experience as you and I can understand how you may be feeling.
  • Hey @tnicole !
    I'm a 21 yr old college senior who was diagnosed with GHSV1 a little over a year ago. I recently wrote a post really similar to this one because I am experiencing similar problems. I agree that boys our age really aren't mature enough to even take the time to research how minuscule the transmission rate is...I've always felt like they just figure they can easily find someone else who doesn't have herpes so they don't see the point in continuing with me. Please feel free to message me, could be nice to be able to vent to each other :)
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