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In this Discussion

positive guide to herpes disclosure






 

Tag, I'm it.

Just found out that the wonderful gift was given to me.

The feelings I have are similar to many: denial, shock, dismay, confusion, anger

I suspect that this is my second breakout, the first was in March. I wanted peace of mind, so back then I went in for testing. The blood test came back negative, the visual was "you have herpes". I disclosed this to my partner, who (told me) she went for testing & tested negative.... her assurances gave me nine months of peace.

A few weeks ago, I broke out in the same spot. Suspecting something, I went in for testing - no denying it / no false positive borderline results / off the scale.

Now the dilemma: do I re-confront the now ex or do I just move on. Part of me feels like I have a responsibility to discuss these new developments. The reality of this situation is that this girl will do anything to be with me. I also suspect that she imparted this blessing upon me so she probably already knows the real truth. My hesitation is that this girl is in my social circle. I feel like I have a responsibility to share the facts but I also know that there is a high chance that my situation will become the latest news.

Being newly diagnosed, I am still trying to wrap my brain around how this will impact my life - and I really don't need the extra burden of being marked.

any thoughts?

Comments

  • Ava_ Member
    The exact same thing happened with my diagnosis, like to a T. I decided to tell my ex, even though I was suspicious that he gave it to me as well. The thing that drove me to tell him is thinking of his future partners he might be putting at risk without knowing, as well as my own peace of mind. If I hadn't told him, I feel like it always would've been in the back of my mind.
    He was defensive at first but after a month or so of space (and once he got tested and found out he has it) we actually lean on each other for support now and he's more of a resource for dealing with hsv.


    As far as the friend group thing, I feel like there's a low chance she's going to run and tell, because by discussing it she's also admitting that she's been exposed to herpes and most people want to stay as far away from The topic of hsv as possible. I totally understand that feeling though, I'm pretty newly diagnosed myself and it's hard enough figuring out how to deal with this privately let alone possibly having to justify and explain hsv to other people.
  • Ava - thank you for your comments.... everything that you say makes perfect sense.

    I have been in contact with my suspected gift giver and she is stalling on producing her tests results... I'm figuring that either: 1) she got tested but they didn't test for herpes or 2) she knew all along

    I am trying to have a positive mental attitude, but its tough. As I eluded in my previous post, she really wants a relationship with me. Almost to the point of stalking me (thru others). I am fearing that she knew all along and was hoping it would work between us then lied about it. Time will tell.

    I am in physical pain as I am having a bad OB - my head is pounding, my junk hurts and I feel crushed. I guess everyone goes thru this phase.... I just hope that I can summons the internal energy to continue fighting.
  • stillstanding Member
    edited January 12
    Hello All,

    Hey I just wanted to post a quick update

    It has been a whirlwind last few days. Sleepless nights pondering how herpes is going to change my life.

    I was able to see my regular doc today and he was great. I got a prescription for valtrex and started my daily regimine. It may be somewhat psychological - but I feel like I've started to turn the corner on my outbreak and after about three weeks, things are on the mend. I know with supression meds this is going to be manageable.

    Second is that I had a chat with my ex - I'm still not convinced she didnt lie - but I'm at peace with myself and the situation.

    Third is I chatted with a fwb friend I've had an on and off thing with for many years. She told me that she was recently tested (negative) because she thought her ex had cheated on her. Gosh our twisted lives. Well this was a disclosure talk kinda in a way too. Shes going to be retested but, funny thing is she said she would still be my fwb as long as we were safe. A shocker. Wow, this has made me think that I actually have a chance. LoL.

    I have grown substantially in the last few days. I have had uncomfortable conversations, which has forced me to be honest with myself and others. I'm starting to think that herpes Is not such a horrible thing. For awhile, I've felt that that my intimate relationships have been rather shallow - now there are known risks to be with me. I have gone from 'who would be with me?!?' to 'if you are willing to accept the risks of being with me, maybe we can be together'. What a turn around.

    One week and yes, life has changed - but it is far from over

    All the best
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