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In this Discussion

positive guide to herpes disclosure


Casual sex and my first disclosure...

Back story: I've had HSV-2 for three and a half years. I didn't date or have any kind of sexual interactions for the three years since the "giver" and I broke up, until last month. Met a guy, we clicked immediately, went on one date, but he has been away a lot for work, and it seems like his interest has disappeared. (I still hope we'll date in the new year when his schedule settles down a little, but I'm not waiting around.) I had been really anxious about how and when to disclose to him, since I'd never had to tell anyone before, I really like him, and I'm terrified of rejection. Well, I was hanging out with another guy this weekend after the bar, initially just as friends. There were a few people there, but then they left, and we decided to watch a movie and cuddle. We started making out, and he wanted to go further, and I kept making up excuses, but he was persistent (and I wanted to have sex with him, too, I just didn't want to tell him my dirty little secret). Finally I told him--and he has it too!!! What a relief! He had never talked about it to anyone before, and was glad to be able to discuss it with someone. We had a short conversation about it, then proceeded to have great sex. We're just friends, not dating or anything, and it felt easier to tell him because I had nothing to lose. Now that I have my first disclosure out of the way, I feel better about my future. But telling someone I really like will still be scary and difficult...


  • Let me ask you this....if you had oral HSV (1 or 2), would you tell someone before kissing them? Do you ever ask someone before kissing them if they have oral HSV?

    I find it odd that if someone isn't having an outbreak we still feel responsible to disclose concerning genital HSV, yet most don't disclose for oral HSV, without an outbreak. Everyone knows cold sores are contagious but most don't know it's HSV. And yes I know there is a chance (very slight according to the numbers), with asymptomatic shedding of giving it to someone else. I think because of the stigma, we make a bigger deal out of it than it is and education is the key.
  • I agree with you Dave...
  • @Dave I agree, I'm always debating about disclosure. A good friend of mine who is a highly educated nurse and has worked in the medical field for several years and has many friends/coworkers who are GHSV+ all agree that disclosure doesn't need to happen before sex. Her opinion? Take meds, use condoms, abstain during outbreaks, and don't disclose until well into relationship territory.
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