I disclosed to a new guy and I don't know how to feel now

The last time I did any dating was in May. I was over it so I just stopped. I worked and spent the summer with my daughter relaxing and enjoying the time with my friends. I recently had a girl I work with introduce me to a friend of hers and I was hesitant at first but I met the guy anyway. We hit it off great. He was funny, nice, and a gentleman. It took him until the third time hanging out to kiss me. Well everything's fine and great and he tells me he does like me and he's happy when he's around me and when he sees my name pop up on his phone blah blah. He was calling me every night to talk on top of all this. So I decide it's time to have the awesome H talk with him. I wanted to throw up the whole day thinking about it. So that night I tell him and he is like dead silent the whole time and I'm fumbling over my words and can't remember what to say. Finally I finish and he goes "wow. Never had anyone tell me that before". I felt embarrassed so I said I was leaving and he's like "why are you gonna leave?" and I said "because I'm uncomfortable and embarrassed" and he's like "you shouldn't be, it takes a lot of courage to tell someone that and I appreciate you telling me". I go "OK can you just tell me if this will continue with us or if youre not OK with it so I can leave". And he's like "I'm not gonna stop talking to you because of that you're fine". I felt relieved because I was basically holding my breath the whole time he was talking. When I left he said "you okay?" I told him "not really, just uneasy". He kissed me and said "don't worry you're fine. Text me when you get home."

WELL. That was Thursday night and I went home not feeling any better. he said good morning to me and we texted a little on Friday but I was super busy and couldn't really talk. He tried calling me Friday night but I had fallen asleep so he called me Saturday morning on his way to work and we talked for about 20min. I was busy yesterday and so was he and we texted for a little last night and he called me tonight on the way home from a fundraiser he had to do with his kids. Idk what to think. If he wasn't OK with it why is he calling me? He doesn't seem to be the type of person to lead someone on or not be truthful in the matter because he would've just said no its not OK when I told him. Am I over analyzing the shit out of this and being neurotic or should I be worried. That's what I wanna know lol

My point is, I don't feel relieved and at peace becase i'm scared, if that makes any sense. I know he said he was fine but what does that even mean? Does he just want to be friends or is he wanting to move forward with this? I have the worst anxiety about it. I waited 2 weeks to tell him and from past experiences, it hasn't really mattered when I tell someone because to me, anyone who isn't OK with it early on will probably never be OK with it. Someone please give me some advice because I'm freaking out.

I think you're over analyzing! It sounds like he has still been initiating contact and you are the one that has been busy. Most people need some time to process it all anyway so it wouldn't be unusual if he pulled back a little but that doesn't sound like the case. I've only had 2 rejections and one guy told me upfront he needed time to think and then after about a day told me he couldn't continue. And the second guy still talked to me for about a week before he eventually ghosted but his texting behavior changed so drastically it was pretty obvious. That's just my experience.

I know it can be super hard doing the whole wait and see thing but that's really all you can do right now. My current boyfriend said something similar when I told him...he was like I wouldn't worry about it. Meanwhile of course that's ALL I was doing. The first few days were the hardest because I was reading into every little interaction and word exchanged looking for clues....scared he would disappear. Eventually I was finally able to relax and realize he wasn't going anywhere.

So don't worry!! I think if it was an absolute deal breaker he would have told you up front or at least dropped out of contact more. Just try to relax and distract yourself...you don't want to start giving off weird vibes to him lol. You could always ask him how he's feeling about it after you give him some time to process, but I would really take the wait and see approach. Do you have any plans coming up with him?

No, I haven't made any plans with him yet. I'm actually really scared to even ask him to hang out! That's so sad but honestly I have not had to have that conversation with anyone in 4 years so I had no idea what to say and I don't know how to act. I told someone I work with what was going on without saying exactly what the important thing I told him was and he said flat out "If I don't like a girl, I don't call her. It's over, why would I bother calling if I don't want to move forward with dating her?" which makes so much sense but at the same time my stomach is still in Knots 24/7.i like this guy and it's not the rejection I can't deal with, it's the not knowing part that gets to me.

I think you're over analyzing! It sounds like he has still been initiating contact and you are the one that has been busy. Most people need some time to process it all anyway so it wouldn't be unusual if he pulled back a little but that doesn't sound like the case. I've only had 2 rejections and one guy told me upfront he needed time to think and then after about a day told me he couldn't continue. And the second guy still talked to me for about a week before he eventually ghosted but his texting behavior changed so drastically it was pretty obvious. That's just my experience.

I know it can be super hard doing the whole wait and see thing but that's really all you can do right now. My current boyfriend said something similar when I told him...he was like I wouldn't worry about it. Meanwhile of course that's ALL I was doing. The first few days were the hardest because I was reading into every little interaction and word exchanged looking for clues....scared he would disappear. Eventually I was finally able to relax and realize he wasn't going anywhere.

So don't worry!! I think if it was an absolute deal breaker he would have told you up front or at least dropped out of contact more. Just try to relax and distract yourself...you don't want to start giving off weird vibes to him lol. You could always ask him how he's feeling about it after you give him some time to process, but I would really take the wait and see approach. Do you have any plans coming up with him?

I completely understand the agony!! It's the worst part. Guys like your coworker are what makes dating so awful. They think it's no big deal to leave you hanging and just ghost! Not all guys are like that though and the ones that are worth it will have the decency to be honest about their feelings (or lack there of). Have you been hearing from him this week?

Yes and I've nicknamed him "slow fader". He's pulling the slow fade BS and I'm not having it. He texted me yesterday and I answer him 6hrs later with a very plain answer. Haven't heard from him since. I don't have time to waste on people who can't be honest with me. It's a shame he couldn't have been more upfront, but it is what it is. I'm not losing sleep over it.

I completely understand the agony!! It's the worst part. Guys like your coworker are what makes dating so awful. They think it's no big deal to leave you hanging and just ghost! Not all guys are like that though and the ones that are worth it will have the decency to be honest about their feelings (or lack there of). Have you been hearing from him this week?

hmm.. coming into this late but after reading it all, it looks to me like you disclosed, got scared, tried to run/pull away. Then he continued to reach out but you were busy, played phone tag for a bit, didn't make any future plans, then took 6 hrs to reply and it was a very plain answer? Maybe he kinda felt like he was getting blown off?

Don't get me wrong, I get the anxiety and fear after disclosure. It sounds as if you wanted him to confirm a relationship at that moment to ease your mind? But it was a relatively new (very new) relationship to begin with. 2 weeks? He probably has no idea what he wants from you. But he did make the effort, and for whatever reason, it doesn't sound like things were going well from that point. I don't think this is based on your status. Or him being dishonest/not upfront. It sounds to me like life got in between you both and he got tired of trying/waiting. Just something to think about.

I think that herpes doesn't have to be a big deal unless you make it one, and that you don't need to know how to feel after disclosing. You just disclose and then feel however you feel.

It's important not to conflate other issues you have in your life with having herpes. Getting herpes is not an excuse to get down about a pre-existing social anxiety or insecurity. I think a lot of people will try to scapegoat having herpes as the root of drama and relationship trouble in life when the reality is that pretty much everyone in the world has herpes and it doesn't have much baring on what they do.

Thank you all for replying. Honestly, I don't know what's going on with this guy. He became distant but at the same time does not go a day without talking to me. I finally asked if he was OK because he seems stressed and he apologized for being distant and that it was nothing that I did but that he has been busier these passed couple of weeks and it's only gotten crazier. I didn't want to make an ass out of myself with him so I did what my gut told me to do and gave him his space. If it's meant to be, he will come around. I think the timing has been off and I'm a little disappointed but it's not the end of the world. I think I was freaking out because I haven't had that conversation in 4 years and it's more nerve-wracking then I remember it being. He admitted he's afraid of getting close to someone else but apparently not scared enough to stop taking to me. I have no idea how to date, I'm horrible at it, can't you tell? Lol. I'm just gonna go with the flow, it's all I can do.

@Sbabe, Even if things don't work out the way you planned, you've gotten through a disclosure. That in itself (regardless of how things turn out) is something to be proud of!

I just wanted to say that I hope things work out with this guy. I personally have only had to tell one guy and he was okay with it but we didn't last very long. It was because he was on drugs really bad and I ended up taking care of his kids. Even had them for 5 weeks through DYFS and then another week on my own. That was in 1998. I haven't dated since. Dating has always been hard for me. Guys just don't want me. I am invisible to them. It was always a miracle if I found a bf. I had a dream of an ex-boyfriend the other night and it really threw me off the next morning. I got really sad. He had H but I realized about 4 years ago that I probably got it from my first bf. Anyway, best of luck to you.

@greeneyes27 you should not feel that way about yourself at all! You should get out and date as they do ha e sites that are H related if you don't feel comfortable disclosing to someone new. This didnt work out with this guy but it all honesty I learned he was a completely unattainable human being. As in, he was seriously emotionally unavailable. He has his own demons to deal with and I wasn't about to get in the middle of the issue he had with his ex-wife ( which is an entirely different long story and situation that I should have never experienced in such a short amount of time with a guy). Not everyone is like him though, and I know that. I know there are good people out there. Honest people. The ones who won't judge and they accept your shortcomings as if it's nothing and I'll find that person it just might take a while

Thanks Sbabe! I'm glad you are so smart! Good luck with future dating~

Do you remember anytime you were not okay and someone like your mom or a friend asked if you were okay? Do you always say the truth or sometimes you say you are okay when you are not?

I'm not saying he is not okay, but when you first hear something strange, anything strange, we people usually don't say the truth, or don't show it straight away, we like to think about it first. So to him this might be a big or small thing but you can't judge quickly from the first reaction of him, like he called you again meaning hes okay with it. No-one can tell but himself. I was okay with it completely with my ex, but she didn't tell me and that was the biggest thing that ruined our relationship. The fact that you told him makes you a great women, and if I were him I wouldn't leave you for that. I broke up with my ex gf about a month ago, I never felt I could be with a selfish person like her, all I wanted from her is to be honest with me but she failed. I tried hard to be normal but I couldn't and our relationship turned into a big mess suddenly. Im not sure if I got it now because I didn't dont have the test results yet but I guess I do have it since I'm experiencing some symptoms. Be happy with yourself and if he doesn't accept it move on. Do make a big deal our of it. Because you are looking for a long relationship, not a month, so if he's not okay with it don't panic, it's a good thing actually. Means you just got rid of something you will have to deal with later on anyway. He might be okay with it, the best advice I can give you it to take it super slow, give him time.