Is it just hard to own up to what you gave me?

After a week of my diagnosis my boyfriend became my ex. He came up with the most pathetic excuse ever, which was that he wasn't going to stay in this state and he applied to a job in California . The funny thing about that excuse we already discussed moving prior to my diagnosis and wherever one of us got a job he or myself would definitely apply within the same state. He even made an excuse stating that during dating I brought up the fact that long distant relationship doesn't work. I even said to him that's before I became your gf and it's a step I would take. Anyways he ended it. I do believe he's my giver, when I asked him if he got a copy of his test because I forced him to see a doctor before I got my results he said no and his results are negative. I became really suspicious when I told him let's go and get retested and he insisted that he doesn't want me to accompany him. He was also acting guilty when I went to my obgyn to find out what strain of HSV I had. He stayed outside of the doctors office and made sure to be late, knowing I would be seen before he got there. We had an argument and I told him I don't understand why he needed to stay outside? Pretty much my obgyn and doctor agreed it has to be him since I had wasn't sexually active over a year. I do understand that it can lie dormant for years. However, at the ending of 2015 I was battling a major court case, I was extremely stressed and no signs of herpes prodromes or bumps whatsoever. I know stress would have triggered it. I'm so upset that he will not admit it, as I posted in a former discussion he was the second man I slept with and this is what happened. I did text him and told him I know it was him and I felt hurt because he lied to me. Of course he didn't respond. It's painful driving home when I pass locations where we had our first date or where he asked me to be his girlfriend. I really did care for him. I guess 6 months was too short so he bolted. This really hurts and I'm so scared of future relationships. I really dread years from this being alone while all my friends are married with kids. This is so overwhelming.

He may or may not be your giver, I wouldn't focus on that now. It sounds to me as if it's not the herpes diagnosis but him bolting that is causing you the most pain.

I know you don't want to hear this right now, but if this is the way he is treating you, then you are better off without him. Focus on healing, and don't worry about the future at this point.

Big hugs to you.

Thank you Missouri, but I know it's him that's what hurts. It wasn't the first guy.

I don't think you're wrong but I do think that focusing on that right now isn't going to make things any better. Him running is the biggest issue at the moment (at least it would be for me!)

I tried to find a therapist but they don't take my insurance, it's over a month now and I still cry everyday I miss the old me.

If you're unable to get a therapist then maybe it's time to look at other options. What about a support group? They are free. You could also just talk to a doctor about antidepressants. I don't normally advocate them, but after a month, maybe you could use a little help to get back on track.

A lot of it is going to be you. Making up your mind to let it go and move on. It's not easy, and if you need additional help, go find it. When I start feeling down, I try filling my days up with things to keep me busy. The grieving period is completely normal, but so easy to get stuck in. What do you do?

Work, work out, volunteer, get some hobbies, surround yourself with good friends/family..make little goals. One day at a time. The more active you are, the less chance you have to think about it. Change one thing about your day everyday, and hopefully as time goes on, you'll find the old you again. And it might even be a better you. Hugs.

MMissouri I do volunteer, I'm trying to stay away from antidepressants. Two pills a day is enough which includes my vitamins and lysine. Thank you for your kind words I appreciate it.