Establishing first contact

I found out about this website about a year ago while I was listening to NPR, and I waited until recently to finally step out of the shadows and join. I have been very transient in my presence, and I have briefly read over the commentary and debating about whether or not to participate. I feel as though this website is for those that are lost and are newcomers to this condition. Both of these descriptions do not apply to me. I have had a wonderful group of friends that have supported me and I have had a decent dating life. I will be honest that this has been not easy, but at the same time it has not been difficult. When I was first diagnosed I went through the phases of anger and sadness, but over the last 12 years I have learned to accept myself and to not let this define me.

Now I am going to contradict myself and state that in a way this has defined me. I have remained single over the last 3 years (through no fault but my own) and I have made sure to make every excuse not to date. I have volunteered my time and my physical presence to both my community and to my education. And if a potential suitor came along I made sure to disqualify him immediately. This is because I did not want to have to go through the same pain staking process of listening, evaluating, and making sure this individual is worth my time as well as being open-minded. It was only recently that loneliness hit me and the silence of the situation was deafening. I disclosed my discomfort to a close friend and he stated, “Have you ever thought that you have not set up the right algorithm for meeting someone?” After thinking over his question, I have realized I have not. I closed myself from the world because I am more comfortable with being alone than to have someone hurt me. But I am realizing in order to ever meet someone and potentially find a long term partner that I am going to have to change my behavior. So here I am taking the first step and trying to make contact. I want to meet others with similar experiences and I want to be able to talk and potentially have a face to face conversation. I live in a very rural part of North Carolina, but thankfully there is the internet to help get the ball rolling.

I am open to any critiques or advice, and I am hoping that this will be an enlightening experience.

Welcome to the forum :) We all have to start somewhere. I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I think that this step is a good thing. Best of luck.

Thank you very much MMissouri. I am taking baby steps and trying to step out of my comfort zone.

I could be wrong, but you sound like a woman. Am I right?

Everyone has an experience of loneliness, not just herpoids like us. I think if you can connect with people on a larger scale like that or through some positive emotion, it will diminish the significance of herpes in their eyes and for yourself.

I'm not sure how it will work in a rural area like what you are describing. I take there aren't a lot of people around.

That might make you feel more pressure when you around the few people that are there.

Perhaps it would be good for to go to a place with a larger population like a city. That way, if someone rejects you (for whatever reason), it won't seem like all that big a deal because there are more people to meet.