The struggle

Hi everyone, I'm a 26 year old female recently diagnosed with HSV 2. I'm finding it hard to accept my diagnosis, I struggle emotionally every day, feeling like my whole world has been turned upside down. I carry a lot of self blame and guilt, even though I caught it from a guy I was in a relationship with at the time - he was unaware that he had it. Our relationship didn't work out, and now I'm struggling to handle this as a single person. I've convinced myself that I'll never meet anyone, marry or have a family of my own, something that I would love to have one day. I'm successful in every other aspect of my life, I have a lot going for me, but I've always said that I would trade it all to have a family and be in a loving relationship. I feel like that's no longer an option. I feel very unsupported by the healthcare system in the UK (I'm from Scotland), I was advised in a 5 minute phone call that I had the virus and wasn't offered a follow up appointment to discuss treatment options. I've researched the condition myself and bought my own medication. I wasn't given the opportunity to talk to anyone about it. I feel very alone. I'd love to have someone to talk to, male or female, preferably both.

 

Thank you.

@gemini26 I understand. When my doctor called me about my HSV-2 diagnoses I was shocked. Her delivery was also awful, she gave me no information and left me in tears. She just basically said, 'yeah you have this, it's not a big deal' and that was it. I felt alone, gross and hopeless. That was over a year ago now and I've come a long way since then. I used this page as a resource and scoured the internet for information. I now realize what people have been trying to tell me but, I just wasn't ready to believe. Herpes in not the end of anything. You can have the relationship you want. You can have a family. It's going to be okay. This has not changed who you are or what you deserve. Trust me. You will weed out any jerks who don't want to be with you for you, and it will be tough, but you have to remind yourself that anyone who doesn't want to be with you because of this isn't meant for you. You want to find a partner that will be with you through everything life throws at you and this will weed out anyone not made of the right stuff. But your own acceptance is key. Be kind to yourself most of all.

A little over a month ago I met the most amazing man. We had instant chemistry and as we got to know each other better the fear of losing him in a disclosure became terrifying. You see, I've disclosed before, but I still carried the shame of herpes and during the past disclosures that's what I conveyed. In time, I've learned there is no reason to feel this shame. Herpes is manageable. The risk to a partner is so small, 1-2% with medication. This shift in my outlook when I told the new guy changed everything. I had confidence, I knew I was worthy and I was no longer ashamed. We actually had some laughs during the talk and after I felt so relieved. He asked me some questions and obviously had some knowledge of herpes and wasn't afraid. He didn't bolt!

You will come to terms with this. Give yourself the time. It is a lot to process in the beginning. It took me over a year and I never thought I'd get here. Don't lose hope, continue to use this site as a resource and don't hesitate to reach out. Hugs to you!

At the time I had no symptoms of anything, and the very next day I conveniently had my gyno appointment. It wasn't until this morning when I felt more pain that I saw ulcers.

Thanks

How do you know he didn't give it to you? That's what happened to me and because I know my sexual history I knew it was not possible that I got it from anyone else but him. Even though he denied it, I knew.

@PatAnn I had unprotected sex before I was with him, but nearly 2 months earlier. I went to the doctor today and had it confirmed. I was reading online that the normal time for breakouts to happen after exposure is 2-14 days but that is can be dormant for months. I'm not sure what to do, he knew I was going to a doctor today and he has asked me what it was. This isn't a conversation I want to have with him over text, but I don't know how to respond.

This discussion was created from comments split from: Need someone to talk to? Herpes buddies!.

Well, I had my initial outbreak just a couple days after being exposed. I have read that you can NOT have symptoms but that wasn't the case with me. I'm not even sure I believe that. It sounds more like you got it from the most recent guy. That's my guess. My guy tried to tell me he doesn't have it, but I don't believe him because I know my sexual history. I know my body.

Yeah I'm not so sure, it takes two to tango and the first two times I did make him wear protection until I felt comfortable enough without. I feel like a scumbag. I still haven't talked with him about it and it's eating me alive. I want to go dig a hole and hide in it forever. Even if he did give it to me I doubt he would have known. I just don't know how to go about approaching it. I don't want to put the blame on him when I don't even know for sure. I feel disgusted with myself so I don't expect him to accept it for what it is.

First off...H is not the worst thing that can ever happen! I was 23 (that was over 30 yrs ago) when I got it. I knew my giver and he thought (remember a long time ago) it was ok to have sex with an ob as long as he used a condom. Well, it came off and whala!!! However, I have been happily married 20 yrs....almost 21 now and he is H-. When I disclosed to him he was so crazy about me that it just didn't matter. It's a non issue with us. Life goes on. You can have a great life. We have seen the world....not all of it, but quite a bit. We go out with friends, have a great family, do lots of fun things, have great careers.....etc. It is devastating at first...until you educate yourself, learn to respect and love yourself and be confident!!!

I have also had h 1 and 2 for probably close to 30 years (assuming) although I am fresh to my official diagnosis of 1 year ago.

I have to tell you, I went to several different doctors and they all had the same opinion, "no big deal".....however for this that truly suffer with it either physically or emotionally, it is a very big deal. I do understand where they are coming from with the way the medical community thinks, which is why we are so far behind in finding a cure and stopping the spread of the disease from most that don't know they have it

Bambina you are exacly right! For some H is an ongoing ob and or symptoms. I wish I knew why it was worse for some than others.