Had the talk...now I'm in limbo

Hi everyone. I'm new here. I've been lurking for a few weeks and have been in awe at the knowledge and support that everyone has been bringing to all their posts. I only wish I had found this place sooner!! I've had hsv 2 for about 10 years and I feel that I'm finally at a place of acceptance. It has definitely made me move much slower in relationships and weed out a lot of people that really had no potential. So I definitely am onboard with the wingman theory. I came here to post today because I just disclosed to the guy I'm dating and I'm in this awful waiting stage where all I do is over think everything. And after reading everyone else's stories and all the support and opinions on these boards, I decided to put this out there and maybe ease my mind a bit. So I've only had one rejection in my experience (and he still tells me all the time how much he regrets it). Most have had some hesitation but ultimately decided they were ok with it. The last guy I dated didn't even blink. Just said that's life it happens. That relationship didn't work out but I am glad I got to experience that moment of 100% acceptance.

So this new guy I met online and have been dating almost 2 months. We see each other once a week because we live about an hour apart. It's been progressing nicely though and I've been having a great time with him. Things had been heating up physically but I always stopped before it got too far. But I knew we were at the point where I needed to tell him. So this Friday we went to dinner and had some drinks and then went back to my house. Things started heating up pretty quickly so I stopped, took a breath, and just said it. He seemed kind of freaked out. Thanked me for telling him before anything happened. We then resumed kissing/hooking up. He didn't try to go any further with me; which honestly kind of stung because he was so gung ho about it before, but at the same time I was glad because I didn't want him to make any snap decisions in the moment. Afterwards, he thanked me again for telling him and said it was really cool of me to do that because a lot of people wouldn't. I asked him what his thoughts were about it and he said he didn't really know, that he was still trying to digest it all and that he doesn't really know much about it so he'd have to do some research. I said that's totally fine. He asked me how it worked and I said that it's basically like how cold sores work, to which he chimed in and said he gets cold sores every once in a while. So I said well then you have it. And he was like well I know it's a form of it and I said no...that is it. He said well that would mean like 90% of the population does too...and I said well yea which is why it's kind of ridiculous that there's such a stigma about it...and if you research it you'll find that it's true. I told him that he could pass it on to someone just as easily. I gave him some other stats and told him that I rarely get outbreaks and also take medication so the risk would be fairly low. I didn't want to completely overwhelm him or have it turn into me trying to convince him why he should be with me so I left it at that since I felt I had given him a lot to think about. I pretty much expected him to leave at that point, but he asked if I wanted to watch some tv because he wasn't ready to go. So we did and then got to talking again. Here's where it gets confusing for me. He brought up his ex and since we've never really had a super serious talk about past relationships, I took the opportunity to ask questions about his situation. He's in the final stages of getting divorced (I know red flag!). It's been almost a year into the process. Anyway after asking him about certain things with that relationship, he started asking about mine. Then he asked me if I was dating anyone else. I said no and asked if he was. He said no, that he had been on dates but hasn't seen anyone as much as he's seen me. We got off on a tangent but I circled back and asked if there were a lot of other girls. He kind of laughed and said no, I told you it was just some dates but I've spent way more time with you. I have a lot of fun with you. And he said he really hadn't been online dating much lately and deleted his profile. That he doesn't really have time for all that and just wants to live life and have fun with his friends and focus on some of his goals. I asked if that meant he didn't want anything serious right now and he said no that's not it. That he wants to take things slow and make sure it's right. That he's always jumped into relationships and didn't want to make the wrong decisions again. He also said that it's way too much work to date more than one woman at a time. He mentioned how nice it was that we were actually having a serious conversation like this. He also made references to "next time" and "for future reference" and asked a lot about things I like and don't like. He told me that he brags about me to his friends. All things that made me feel like maybe this will work out. I felt pretty good about it all by the time he left actually. But then I didn't hear from him all weekend. And I knew he was going to be busy with his friends so it wasn't super worrisome, however I am a chronic over thinker and the more I replayed it all in my head, the more freaked out I got. I keep thinking about ways I could have done it better, phrased things differently, opened up more....all Monday morning quarterbacking I know. I was debating reaching out to him to check in, but I finally heard from him this morning which was a relief. I am still unsure how this is gonna go though, as he hasn't brought it up or given me any indication of his "answer". I'd appreciate anyone's thoughts, opinions, support...should I bring it up? Wait til (if) I see him again?

@JingleBelle Being in limbo is so hard, regardless of why. I'm also an overthinker and those moments of feeling in limbo are the times when I'm vulnerable to sabotaging a situation because I'm just so uncomfortable. When I do that, I typically end up regretting it, wishing I'd just let things play out more naturally. If you relate to that, I would say to try your best to hold back on forcing things and let him address this in his own time (within reason, of course) or even just move on without further discussion about it if he gives you signals that he wants to continue dating. You've done your part in disclosing to him. Just my opinion.

Also, what you said here: "That relationship didn't work out but I am glad I got to experience that moment of 100% acceptance." I've had this experience and it's so powerful. I hope to be able to do that for someone else in some way. It's such a gift.

@optimist thanks so much for your reply!! That is EXACTLY how I get...in any situation!! I'm trying to be better at just rolling with it but that's easier said than done!!

Sounds like he may or may not be that committed anyway as he had been on dates and kind of skirting that subject.

Yea I wasn't so sure about that part. I mean I had been on dates too...it just seems to be how things go with online dating. I didn't think it was too big a deal since we never discussed being exclusive and it's still early. . Of course it still bothers me though because that's how I am haha. What got me was his willingness to broach the topic and find out if I was dating anyone. It made me think maybe he will be willing to stick around after all. Who knows though...my dating experiences havent been the greatest...regardless of the herpes!